AIBU to still be allowing this to bother me :(

[Joanne279]

Please, I think I need a good kick up the backside so I know I'm in the right place ??

Mil has now not seem our dc (9,5 and 1yr) (oldest 2 are dh step kids, youngest is his) for nearly a year over a row that I wouldn't let the baby go overnight at 2 weeks old. She is still adamant it's me in the wrong.

2 months ago I text her, and asked her to come up to see the kids. 10 mins later she was oh so enthusiastically there. It went GREAT! Seriously. I invited her out a few times, she politely declined. Then as dd 1st birthday approached, she informed dh she can't bare to be in the same room as me so won't be seeing ANY of the kids. She refused her party invite and didn't even send her a card on her first birthday

2 months later, more family members are removing and blocking me from Facebook because mil is SO upset, Im to be excluded from the whole family. I know Fb is sad, but it's the spite of it that hurts

Dh wants a relationship with his mum, which I respect (but don't understand) but I'm struggling with letting go of this hurt.

Everytime we talk about it, it's a huge emotional row because I don't understand why everyone (or her for that matter) can cut 3 kids out of their lives, rather than bury a petty row. Most family members were never even involved in the row, but I'm excluded everywhere.

I'm really struggling to let go. Feel like I need to be picture perfect to all their pettiness, whilst they get to act like twats :( x

There is no way in hell I'd have let my son stay anywhere without me at 2 weeks old. She is being ridiculous. YANBU.

YANBU and she is being a totally unreasonable bitch.
Sorry. No actual advise but you are definately not in the wrong and I hope you remember that.

YANBU. Actually I think your DH is! He needs to back you up a bit more.
To be honest you now have the opportunity to get you and your children out of these toxic relationships. Try and see it as a blessing that you won't have to be in the same room with her again.

YANBU - both she and her family sound vile.
Good job she is keeping away frankly - I wouldn't want that stupidity anywhere near my children.

Has your dh tried to sort it out?

I don't really understand what's wrong with me :(

I don't have to see her, or the rest of the spiteful family, the kids won't have to pick up on her silly behaviour, but something niggles at me....daily :(

I can't flush her put of my system. I'm quite a sensitive person. Dh wanders round without giving a hoot. After all, he's still got his mum on one plate and us on the other.

I'm trying to respect it's HIS choice if he wants a relationship with her, but why and I feeling this shit? X

But why am I, not 'and' x

Because your dh is alkowing you to be bullied?

allowing

Why cailin? I'm maybe not seeing it. Am I being bullied? X

So the last time you saw her it went great? She then went on to decline various offers of going out seeing kids etc? And now she is being downright malicious! Don't really get it serious issues on her behalf....and sulking because you didnt leave dc with her at 2 weeks old. She's ridiculous....so sorry it's causing such upset for your family....she sounds awful. Can your Dh speak to her?

Her behaviour is ludicrous, and your dh needs to tell her and the rest of the family so. If they persist in cutting you off, I don't think you are really losing anything.

Yes. She stopped seeing dc in jan. after I text her she came up in September and was fine. Seriously, she was so polite I even commented to my mum that I 'took my hat off to her' for putting it behind her and getting on with it.

I invited her to Sunday lunch, a play thing at the play centre, then as dd party approached, she then declares I'm so bloody awful, she can't sit in the same room as me.

But ill add, she expects to be invited to out wedding!!!

Why can't I let go and be grateful I don't have to interject with her? X

If it were me I'd be upset and confused as to why she found me so intolerable. But then I'm a people-pleaser by nature, and very sensitive to others' opinions of me.

I can't understand why she's cutting your DC out of her life just because she can't get along with you though; that seems unfair on the DC (although maybe they're better off, if she's really that petty), not to mention cutting her nose off to spite her face.

She wanted your 2 week old baby to stay? ? And is still upset that you didn't let this happen?

Good grief.

Please do not worry that you are being unreasonable. You are not! ! You and your children are better off without this sort of dodginess in your lives.

Your DH needs a big kick up the arse and tell his mum to stop being a giant twat.

Would she have let her son go over night at 2 weeks??

Apparently she let her first born go overnight at 6 weeks so can't see the problem eith me letting my third go st 2 weeks.

She also bitched at dh for taking the baby out in the pram before her because 'SHE HADNT DONE THAT YET'!!!

Seriously, why can't I let this woman go and move on :( x

I tried to tell her it should be about the preference of the patents when the bsby stays elsewhere but this was construed as 'me pushing her out'

I was also deemed rude for not visiting when the bsby was a week old. I'd had a c section and couldn't drive. Dh can't drive. X

Joanne shes bulling you, but you need to get your DH to buck is ideas up, stick up for you, and tell her just because she did it doesnt mean you wanted to.

I didnt let my DD out of my sight for the first 4 weeks.

She can't see it. Even nearly a year later, she refuses to budge. It's pathetic.

Dh is quite happy to visit her occasionally, but I'm really struggling emotionally. I don't really even know why. I know I'm better off away from her :( x

Just make it clear to you DH that you have no interest in seeing her and make it clear why.

She sounds like a complete cow bag.

Breathe a huge sigh of relief that this self centred, attention seeking narcissist doesn't want a relationship with you. She sounds like the type to continually have tantrums, send people to Coventry and play people off against each other and you are lucky not to have her in your or your DCs life.

This woman is being vile to you.

But I'd be so grateful that she had taken this tactic so you don't have to be the one to say no contact should be there with the kids, she's helped you out with this one I think as she's made it obvious she's willing to let something so small bother her and she's quite happy to cut her grandchildren off because of this.

I hate toxic in laws, I really do.

My fiancé's parents are a nightmare and honestly could imagine his Mum being like this, except she'd just swear and send me nasty voicemails telling me how shit I am as previously has done I can feel your pain but these people are better out of your children's lives. Easier said than done though as if you are like me you want them to have the chance to get to know their grandparents.

What's her husband like?
How was she before your daughter was born?

The latter would matter a lot to me too. If she was generally a nice person it would hurt me more that she was being nasty now. If she's always been a twunt, I'd be less sad that she was out of my life.

I'd just let her son see her when he wants to and smile and shrug when family members block you on Facebook - another person off the wedding list, a cost saved eh? It's their loss if they want to cut off their niece/cousin etc.

It's not your fault though; MIL has chosen to make this an issue, not you.

Enjoy your children and let those who try and make arguments fight amongst themselves.

Thank you everyone x