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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cul-de-sac conundrums

59 replies

bunny100 · 21/11/2013 17:28

Hi everyone,

I am a longterm lurker of AIBU and have entered a conundrum in my life which I really don't know if I am being unreasonable about or not, so I would appreciate some honesty.

So, we have recently moved into a cul-de-sac and live near the circle at the end. Due to the circle everyone has their own drive which is seperated by a cobbled line, so it is clear whose drive belongs to whom. We can fit 2 vehicles in our drive, but one would have to be in front of the other. One car blocks the other, so if I need to go somewhere and my husbands car is in the way, I have to move it first before I can leave and vice versa. The end of the drive is onto the road, so I currently park within the line of the cobbles of our drive, and on the road part that is directly in front of my house, i.e. if you were to look out our front room my car is sat there.

A couple of days ago a neighbour but one (whom I hadn't yet met) came over and confrontationally asked me to not park there as it makes it hard for her to 'swing round' the turning circle and reverse into her driveway. She started by asking if the car had been 'abandoned' (I am a shift worker so work strange hours, but have taken it out every day for the past week!), I said it had not and I use it frequently. She also said 'as you don't drive you should move it'. Now, the gap between the back end of my car and the back end of the other car is approximately 8m wide, so she has 8m within which to reverse straight backwards. The turning circle is far wider than this, maybe 20m? I explained my car is 2/3 on my driveway, and a bit on the road directly outside my house and no one elses. She was very strange, wouldn't look me in the face or listen to what I was saying and eventually walked off.

Yesterday I decided I would move my car and block my husband in, but only because he is away at present so it isn't inconvenient. So all yesterday and today the car has been far up the driveway. However, today I get home and find a long A4 letter from an anonymous neighbour saying that the car ought to be moved because it makes it 'an obstacle course' for when the bin men come. It says 'before you began blocking the drive directly outside your house with a car' the neighbours did x y and z. This really irked me because they obviously dropped it round today, and I had moved the car by then anyway!

I've found this all a bit upsetting as we have only just moved here, found everyone isn't too friendly, my husband is away and I miss him terribly, and also I probably have PMT.

AIBU to want to park on my own driveway? I hope that all makes sense.

OP posts:

custardo · 21/11/2013 17:58

i could do this alllllllllllll day

fuck 'em bad neighbour arseholes

Original poster

bunny100 · 21/11/2013 17:59

Is there a way I can demonstrate a picture? I think that might help.

OP posts:

girlynut · 21/11/2013 18:00

We live at the end of a close too and it has a very "community" feel to it, more so than a normal street.

Personally I'd move the cars about for the sake of maintaining good relations. You're the newcomer and should probably make an effort to get on with the neighbours (at least until you know them well enough to tell them to bugger off!)

Joysmum · 21/11/2013 18:00

You can park on a public highway if no parking restrictions and not causing an obstruction. However, you have to live there and it's not good to be at odds with your neighbours. What does everybody else do. I'd go for keeping the peace tbh

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/11/2013 18:00

Some people do get irate about parking and consider that the world has fallen off its axis as a result.

Its probably the person who challenged you initially who put that missive on your car.

It may be worth having a word with the local police about the anonymous note re the car. They do not like such things at all.

HappyCliffmas · 21/11/2013 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThenSheSaid · 21/11/2013 18:14

I think I would carry on parking in the street as long as you are not causing an obstruction. This neighbour has already shown their true colours and is not likely to turn into a nice neighbour anytime soon regardless of where you park.

I really value having good relationships with my neighbours but there is no point trying with some people.

If you know a friendly police officer perhaps you could get them to confirm that you are not causing an obstruction and then you can repeat this to the neighbours if they bother you in future.

It might be worth double checking your deeds to see if there are any restrictions (covenants?) on parking or rights of way. You could also call your council but I don't know if they could help or not.

Sparklingbrook · 21/11/2013 18:15

The thing is if the neighbour had been lovely, and explained nicely her predicament you might be more inclined to do it.

But they have been an arse with their 'is it abandoned' sarcasm and anonymous letter and therefore deserve to be ignored IMO. You have no choice but to be an arse back.

PooInTheNight · 21/11/2013 18:41

We have the same problem, but we just put up with one of us blocking the other in.
I think seeing as she was so rude I'd be very tempted to keep on doing what you're doing, although I can see why she is annoyed. She's got a routine and you've come along and spoilt it!

Sparklingbrook · 21/11/2013 18:43

How old is the neighbour?

HesterShaw · 21/11/2013 18:46

Maybe you could just take the car nearest the exit at the time.

Mandy21 · 21/11/2013 19:00

I cant visualise it, sorry. But I think its important to get on with your neighbours - you have to live there, they can be a massive help with all the day to day trivial stuff (keeping an eye on the house if you're out / away, taking a parcel in, being there in an emergency). Not worth losing that relationship if you can park on your drive.

Sparklingbrook · 21/11/2013 19:01

The neighbour doesn't sound like the 'parcel taking in' sort.

FryOneFatManic · 21/11/2013 19:19

If you have no parking restrictions, then park on the road.

And I don't drive DP's car because the seat in mine is perfectly adjusted. If I drive DP's car, it irritates the shoulder I once had tendonitis in, which can lead to days of aches, so I don't bother.

decaffwithcream · 21/11/2013 19:36

Is the turning circle not primarily there for the sake of fire engines?

And therefore meant to be kept clear?

(Not that you'd know it if you looked at our cul de sac right now - one guy keeps his 4x4 there as he keeps a boat in his garden)

Norudeshitrequired · 21/11/2013 19:38

Most neighbours are the 'taking a parcel in sort' as long as they aren't angered by trivial issues like parking.
Even when I've lived in urban areas with a large overturn of 'dubious' neighbours they have all been willing to take parcels in (and hand them over ).

Sparklingbrook · 21/11/2013 19:42

They need to chillNorude. Or start an AIBU on MN. I bet all the replies would be 'if they have road tax they can park where they like'. And 'YABU to send an anonymous letter are you 12?'

Norudeshitrequired · 22/11/2013 06:42

You can't park where you like whether you pay road tax or not and even sometimes if there are no road markings. The general rule from the highway code is that it is an offence to obstruct the queens highway.
If by parking in a turning circle (or anywhere else) you cause difficulties for an emergency vehicle to properly manoeuvre (or would cause difficulty) then you can be towed away.
I do agree that sending a letter is a bit juvenile though, but unfortunately too many people are aggressive when confronted these days so I can understand why a letter was sent instead, especially if it's an elderly person that has sent it.

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2013 07:08

If the turning circle was for emergency vehicles then there should be signs saying so. There are roads up and down the country where fire engines would struggle to get through due to sheer volume of cars parked on the roads.

maddening · 22/11/2013 07:11

Imagine if all the people parked as you do in your cul de sac? No one would be able to turn - and parking in such a way does make it hard to turn.

You are being inconsiderate

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2013 07:12

Turning us a luxury. I see lots of turning circles all parked up with cars.

Sparklingbrook · 22/11/2013 07:12

*is

londonrach · 22/11/2013 07:37

Need to dig my highway code out but isnt it illegal to park in a turning cycle or across a pavement. I dont think you can park with your car half out of your driveway either in case wheelchair or pushchairs.

fairylightsintheautumn · 22/11/2013 07:38

I think as you have just moved in and want to get on with the neighbours you are unnecessarily rocking the boat. You aren't doing anything illegal and you could just say "public highway" etc but it depends what you want to achieve. I agree with others that giving some thought to just driving whichever car is at the front would be the easiest solution, or swap them round the night before (as DH and I are planning to do when we start using our garage soon - old car needs to be inside for the winter). Ultimately its about compromise, and deciding what is important - your convenience or neighbourly relations. The neighbour sounds a bit OTT but she's who you are dealing with. You can't change that so you have to work with the options you have.

Norudeshitrequired · 22/11/2013 08:03

turning us a luxury

Do you drive?
How would you feel if you were blocked in by two cars and couldn't manoeuvre your way out due to them parking inconsiderately close? Would you see it as a luxury to have the space to get out and therefore just accept that you can't move?
The Highway Code deems it an offence to park in a way which causes an obstruction. End of.
Also sounds like the OP might be parking on the pavement which also contravenes the Highway Code.

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