to think children don't really care about 'work ethics' and would prefer to have a SAHP?

[Mingnion]

Well aware I'm probably going to get mightily flamed for this but here goes...

I have a 6.5 year old and an 18 month old. My husband that supported us sadly died last year and I plan to stay at home and on benefits until my youngest is at school. I have a degree from Cambridge and will put in what I take out a hundred times over in the future no doubt. We do not have a lavish lifestyle but my children are adequately fed, dressed and are very happy which is more important IMO. Six months ago I found a part-time job and the impact on my children was massive. They were miserable at having to go to nursery and after school clubs and I was miserable as I missed them. Now they are inexplicably happy. I know it is a common opinion that single parents must work so as to teach their children about work ethics but realistically, do you really think children will care? I'd say most children would much rather have a SAHP and in retrospect I'd have preferred my mum to have been home so her work ethics obviously didn't rub off on me. AIBU to think this way and plan to stay at home with my children until my youngest is school age?

Wow - there are some really nasty bastards on this thread - you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves, horrible, just horrible.

It IS hard to get back to work after a career break op, so if you can keep your hand in, in any way, possibly voluntary work, then do - I have a PhD and have had a really long break, i am under know illusion that i will have to start at the bottom/retrain when i go back, but i know that one day i will get back into a good job and hopefully use my PhD, if not, i have proven tht i can work hard and have transferrable skills.

The OP pointed out that whilst she is taking a break from work just now, she will be hoping to use her degree to get back into the work place and start paying back into the system again. I daresay she will earn more than if she left a job at tesco, and to say you'd easily get a job back there is plain ridiculous, they very rarely recruit in my area, i assume it is the same in others, Tesco aren't dong so great, its not a great career to choose if you think you can just jump back in. Not very nice when someone has a dig is it??? !

mumandboys I also don't agree with her attitude towards others .. but take the fact she is a but up herself away and say she was just an average person in that circumstance.

people have said its fine for me to quite work and claim benefits because my girls are poorly.
but yet people have told her she shouldn't. really whats the difference both children hers and mine have suffered.
and if I am honest I do feel a lil entitled at the moment probably the same as her as in I do believe I have reason. I suppose everyones reasons are different.

Well if i wanted to be nasty, in the same term you have mummyto123, if you have a child under 5 maybe you should stay at home and look after them!

oh and will people fuck off with "entitled" FFS, its boring

People get really aggressive on WOHM vs SAHM threads and I can only think it's because they feel very insecure about their own choices.

LEM if it was me that said entitled I wasn't meaning as she is entitled etc I was actually admitting that I felt a lil bit and was only being honest.

I was trying to work out why some people think its ok for one mum to stahm and be entitled to benefits and one mum not to be. I wasn't rude or horrible to the op in my post

tantrums, thats fair enough, I hear what you are saying. A post much further up struck a chord with me, I'm an introvert and would hate to spend loads of time each day with others, but because this suits me doesnt mean it works for everyone. I'm happy being home after school for my kids but perhaps they would enjoy afterschool care, TBH I dont know I or rather they! havent tried it.

This is what I like about MN, hearing others opinions, sometimes I go with my own views and get stuck in a rt but its good to realise others can be right too

rut not rt!!

Regardless of whether the OP feels entitled to be on benefits, or regardless of her decision about whether she will work or not, she is utterly judgemental in stating that children prefer to have a SAHP because she knows jack shit about anyone else's children and their lives.

OP - you sound bitter. Your kids would prefer you not to be.

candycoated, i agree - but i would rigidly defend any parent's choice to do the right thing for their child. I gave up my career for my DD, i really struggled with this and was made to feel really bad about it by some people on here - i wasn't even claiming benefits. I know without question that i did the right thing, just the same as my friend who didn't give up her career and went back to work after maternity leave did the right thing.

The OP's children have lost their father, they probably feel really scared and unsure about life, it would be wrong for their mother to return to work at this stage. I am stunned that anyone would disagree with this and then use the fact that the OP mentioned her degree to goad and deride, its pretty low!

candy, I dont think there are such strong views as we are all insecure about our choices, I think we all just feel we're right

mumofbeauties, my post wasn't directed at you :) although sadly you have a similar name to someone who is being particularly vile on this thread, so my apologies for the mix up.

LCHammer, have some decent human feelings woman, the op has recently lost her husband and she is grieving for him and coping alone, I dont think bitter comes into it.

Ssd- and there is nothing wrong with each of us feeling we are right about our own decision. The problem is purely when that's generalised into a 'this is right for me. Therefore it's right for everyone else too.'

actually I survive quite well at my job thank you .. and her degree with no experience will not mean she will get a better job than working in Tesco which is my point ! she cant state she will put more back in because she won't. I will be on benefits for the next 2 years right but im not sitting here saying because I have worked for the last 5 years and will work again after I am going to be putting more in than I took, because that's just not true !

Why is someone up themselves for pointing out that they feel that they would be employable (due to her degree) when she decides to return, she is not planning on staying on benefits for ages. Why do people have chips on their shoulders about people having a decent education. Its available to anyone who cares to persue it.

Most people are sympathetic to OP's circumstances. What people are questioning is OP considering herself a deserving claimant cos she went to Cambridge versus other people claiming who are not as well educated as her.

And OP's real intent with this thread is not about her circumstances but to cast aspersions on working parents. If she feels free to do that then others are free to question her too.

just to clarify I don't think she is wrong in her decision I just think she got rose tinted glasses on about the future.
and some of the things have come across a bit judgy.
is it different to say a single mum whos partner walked out on them and never been seen again.
im just curious to what this country seems to think work is about.

it actually worries me that people think jobs are only for work ethic and not to financially support ourselves and get our country back on its feet.

ssd - you don't start a nasty thread if you feel happy. I think she'd serve her children better by looking after her own health and emotions than by making stupid statements and riling other people. Maybe we all have our bereavements and unhappinesses but don't take it out on others.

LEM - I don't think people are being mean because she is educated.
I think there saying that her being educated has nothing to do with her claiming benefits.

as in if me and her both were on benefits for not working. it doesn't mean she is more entitled because she has a degree and I don't which is how she came across.
stating that she will get a well paid job after doesn't make any sense and is not a relevant argument to her being entitled.

You don't start a thread attacking a group of other people if you are content with your life. You just don't. That's the real intention of the OP. And if people are attacked, they will quite rightly defend themselves.

Are we really still having the same old bloody SAHM vs WOHM debate?

I volunteered a few years ago at a very deprived London borough and let me tell you, some of the things I saw there would make your blood run cold.

The children that were starving, abused and battered didn't give an almighty fuck about whether their parents were working or not. All they wanted was to feel safe and have food in their bellies.

OP, while I feel sorry you've lost your DH you've deliberately set out to disregard all working parents as not giving two shits about their DCs welfare.

This debate insults all women, it really does.

LEM so it is 'vile' to have an opinion? do you believe it acceptable that single mums make a lifestyle choice and not work because they believe it is better for their children to be there for them 24/7? You don't think there are thousands of working mothers out there who would prefer to be there for their children but who don't believe a life on benefits is a fair or reasonable option? I don't personally see why I should work my backside off when others aren't prepared to contribute. If we all stopped contributing, where would we be?

And is it not 'vile' for the OP to suggest that because I work (and any other mother who works) with a child under school age, we are somehow failing our children, are 'bad mothers' or simply couldn't careless about them? She has certainly attacked me personally in that way, many pages back now, but it is there so why on earth I shouldn't be allowed a right of reply is beyond me. We won't all agree. That's the nature of a forum like this. Doesn't make me wrong, any more than it makes you or the OP or anyone else wrong.

mumofbeauty - if your children are unwell then of course being with them is acceptable. What I don't find acceptable is choosing, long term, to be on benefits because there is an entitlement to do so when there is no reason not to work at least part-time. Caring for people who are ill or disabled is a very different situation to the choices the OP is claiming to be making.

"it actually worries me that people think jobs are only for work ethic and not to financially support ourselves and get our country back on its feet"

Its getting very common place, its very easy to choose a life on benefits. The easiest way is to have a child and many do. Very few actually consider if they can afford them, both now and if things should go wrong, as believe its their right and entitlement.

Supporting yourself and children seems to have gone out of the window for millions. It state support was withdrawn or very little then our birth rate would rapidly decrease. Scrapping tax credits for UC is a good start as far higher conditionality placed on claimants.