i want to stand my ground

[teenagersknowall]

we've just moved house. cleaned out financially. christmas is coming and next May my daughter is 18. we need to watch our pennies. The problem is my best friend is annoyed with me because i won't commit to booking a girlie weekend away next summer.i've had 3 hols this year, 2 with hubby, 1 with sisters. (all weekends away) but enough. i've told her honestly that i can't justify it. there are other priorities. she is 50 next year and wants to celebrate. i was 50 this year and we all went for a meal (my hubby bought the bubbly). she's not letting it go. i really love her as a friend, but i am feeling bullied. i had a shaky voice on the phone when i told her i didn't think i could commit and she said i'd let her down. i said to her "well my DC has asked me not to do it". He is asking me to consider our finances. She replied "well i wouldn't have that" "He went to Amsterdam!" For the life of me i couldn't think what she was talking about, then remembered he went away a few years ago with some mates. i have been to Amsterdam, Madrid and Portugal since. i think it was strange to bring that up. help.

Just say "Look, I don't have the funds to do this, and that won't change no matter how much you badger and bully me. All you're doing is rubbing in the fact that we have no money and that is not a nice thing for you to do."

Be firm but if you value the friendship you could suggest an alternative affordable but thoughtful way of celebrating?

She is trying to get under your skin when she knows you're skint.

I get that she wants you on her birthday but if you say you can't afford it, does she think you're lying?

I wouldn't advocate accusing your friend of bullying you. Look, she feels sad because she inks she's a low priority in your life and celebrating her 50th is a big deal to her. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

What I don't understand is why you're so worried about telling her so. Why blame it on your husband? The message you've given her is, "I'd love to go but my rotten hubby won't let me". Can you now see why she brought up his trip to Amsterdam? Just ring her again and tell her the truth, and ask her whether you can help her plan a special dinner out for her birthday instead. Good luck.

THINKS, not inks. Wretched iPad. I don't think she's had a tattoo to commemorate her dismay.

I think she sounds really selfish actually, i couldnt afford one holiday this year and would have to decline such offers - unless of course she is going to pay for you!

FP. i hadnt thought of it that way. it;s not about my hubby. i'm getting flack from him and from her. im not happy myself committing to it so i'll blame it on myself. ffs it's a lotta money. i do value her friendship very much. but i will have to stick to my guns. i know she'll wear me down.

Not complying with her wishes doesn't mean you don't love her to bits.

You say. I love you. You're absolutely my best friend. We'll party to celebrate your birthday - but - I just don't have the money to go away, it's no disrespect to you, but I can't afford it

I do like the Tattoo of Dismay idea though

err actually I'm not suggesting anyone gets a tattoo as a way of consoling a mardy friend.
It's just the theory I like.

yanbu

She sounds like hard work, but yes, you do need to be more assertive and you need to shoulder the blame yourself.

Don't let her guilt trip you. Tbh she sounds a bit manipulative.

How does a meal compare to a girl's weekend away?
Ask her if she is prepared to pay for you to go. You'll pay for a meal out there.

She sounds very selfish, TBH. I'd never push friends to pay their way to going on a weekend away to celebrate my birthday.

If she tells you again that you'd let her down, just tell her that if how she feels, then you are sorry, but you feel let down that she can't understand your have other financial priorities.

Look, she feels sad because she inks she's a low priority in your life and celebrating her 50th is a big deal to her.

Well, of course she's a lower priority in the OP's life. Compared with buying a house, her DD's going to Uni (presumably) and her own family holidays.
And if celebrating her 50th is a big deal to her, she can book herself a nice holiday, or pay her best friends to go with her.

i fancy a tattoo! Esp Tattoo of Dismay. MadLizzy, Classy, Lem and Fnjo thank you. all good advice. phew. also i had to cancel a night out with her and her DC this Sat. very clipped response to that. I think will take a step back. PS; Sadly she has been prescribed AD's. She's come off em due to weight gain. I think she should not have stopped them.

also, she said she wouldnt go if i wasn;t going. then i've had another text to say a mutual friend has offered her villa in Spain as a solution. Jeez. i need grow a spine. good advice all. it's made a difference. i'm not a horrible person, letting my friend down. Also last time we went away, she said frankly she was bored!!!!!