To be really hurt?

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

I'm crying so hard that I can't stop coughing and I don't know if I'm being UR because I'm so ill or if I'm right.

I got a new job a few months back. Before that, I worked from home. My salary is a lot more stable now, although I don't earn that much more than I did before, and I have better career opportunities. It's not easy, though, not least because I'm disabled.

DP drives me to the station in the morning, and home at night. It can be a bit of a nightmare. He has flexible working, so he's often home, and it's a 5 minute drive. It'd take 45 minutes to walk. There isn't a bus. I know that he hates me relying on me for lifts.

He's been saying that we need to move closer so I can walk every day recently, but there's just nothing left in me after work to walk home, and we can't move until mid Summer anyway. Tonight we had a blazing row, and it looks like I need to get myself to work and back tomorrow.

We're both stressed, and I'm really ill and have been for around 5weeks. I'm barely keeping going. It's unlikely that I'll be able to drive because of that - I can't pass a DLA medical. I do pay the vast majority of the bills, my share of the petrol and for regular treats. I try to do my bit. I'm grateful for what he does, because I know it'll grate, especially going out in the cold when he could be at home.

I can't stop crying.

He's being horrible. Going out to fetch you home shouldn't be a chore.
Can you talk when he's you've both calmed down?

He's a turd.

Sorry op you DH sounds so selfish. A 5 minute drive is nothing. How could he even bear for you to walk in this cold when he could easily pick him up. And you should be able to rely on him for that. Yadnbu.

So you have had an argument and his retaliation is not to take you to the station?
He is your partner. It is 20 mins total out of his day. Selfish bastard.

Hugs for you op. Lots of sqooshy hugs.

Yanbu. Your husband's being selfish.

I can see that it would be quite annoying to have to drop off/pick up someone everyday when it doesn't necessarily fit in with what you might be doing. That said, he's your partner and you have disabilities, so he should be more accommodating.

As a longer term solution, would you be eligible for the Motability Scheme www.motability.co.uk/ ?

I know you mention concerns about driving, so I don't know if it's an option. But if it is, I think it would work out better for both of you.

Mr. T, Osser !

resentment between partners kills relationships. He is a selfish so and so. Does he not believe this would be very hard for you to do? Are there any other problems between you?

YANBU, and when you have calmed down, would he respond well to a proper grown up talk, or would he just strop and sulk?

What a selfish git! Sorry for you op xx

He'd rather see you struggle with the walk than take 10 minutes to pick you up. So 20 minutes total during the day, which isn't much.

Is he always this selfish?

I drop and fetch my DP every day. It's never crossed my mind not to. And he is fit and healthy and I have been unwell! Get a taxi, it's worth it. Totally with you re walking long distances.

Bus? Taxi?

He's a selfish arse.

Do you have young children he has to bundle into the car? (He'd still be an arse for complaining but I'd grant him a handful of sighs before I went nuclear)

He is being very selfish and I would feel the same as you.

((hugs) op. He's being selfish.

Oh, dear - poor you! YANBU!!

I presume your salary contributes to the upkeep of the car etc?

He needs to get a grip, but given that you can't control how he behaves, what other solutions might you have? I wonder if the Access To Work scheme might help? My colleague gets it and does not receive DLA.

Otherwise, taxi.

At least until he decides to see sense. Do it coolly, do not discuss it with him, just tell him you have made independent arrangements.

Why is it a nightmare for him to drive you? I think I am not understanding - are you able to drive? Have you got a licence? Should you be working in your ill state or getting signed off until you are better?

Is he really objecting to going out in the cold? He needs to think longer term about your improved career prospects etc.

Or is it your increased independence and success that he is trying to undermine??

You shouldn't have to go to the trouble and expense of mooving house just to save him going out in the cold!! Although being independent of his awful behaviour might be a boost in itself.

Get yourself to and from work by calling a taxi.

yadnbu OP. Your H is being totally selfish. You should be working together, in partnership, and he shouldn't be resenting less than half an hour out of his day so that you can pay more than your share of the bills, treats, etc.

I hope this blows over quickly for you and sorry you're so upset x

He is being a self-centred arse. Are there no buses? Taxis? If it is only a 5 minute drive then taxis would not cost too much, at least as a one-off tomorrow.

Get a taxi, it won't cost that much and you're needing to be careful about budgeting your energy as well as finances. In the longer term, there are a lot of mobility scooters advertised on ebay that are very affordable and barely used. Mine has been a lifesaver.

He's being selfish!!

Is a taxi a possibility for tomorrow so you have transport?

Even if you were not disabled he should not complain about giving you a lift - he is your husband and you are working to contribute to the household! Certainly my husband would not expect me to walk/use buses if he could pick me up. Equally I wouldn't leave him to if I could collect him.

Longer term, if he feels it's that much of a problem tell him you will be using taxis and therefore not buying as many treats.

You mention you are unable to drive due to your disability? Are you able to get support with transport costs for work? Sorry I don't know much about it.

For now can you do something nice for you? A nice bath with a book maybe?

Take care

He's an absolute prick, I don't get this issue with lifts in a relationship. I didn't drive until a few years ago, my husband did & he dropped me to work & picked me up most days. It just wasn't a thing. I really can't see any excuse for wanting your partner to walk home,make their day harder, when they are already feeling crap.

Check out your entitlements to help with travel costs asap with Access to Work government scheme

www.gov.uk/access-to-work/how-to-claim