To not have to tell my family what I want for Christmas, every year!

[missmash]

Just that really, we live very close to my pil and will be there for Xmas this year, DH brother and family live in another country and are coming too.
Every year they ask mil to ask me what me, DH and 2 Ds want for Xmas and then get her to buy it, I get really pissed off with this, mil then tells me how tired she is doing all bil Xmas shopping (and wrapping) and I feel that it's not what Xmas is about.
Surely it's not hard to get some little token gift, we don't spend much so it's the thought the definitely counts, except they don't put any thought or effort into Xmas, just arrive a couple of days early, pay mil and look at lots of ready wrapped presents!!
So after just being asked and not knowing what say, what should I do? Just accept things and ask for a voucher or something or say actually I'm not that bothered about a present and if they can't think of anything I'd rather not have anything thanks!!

MIL should stand up to BIL and tell him to do his own shopping. Even if they ordered the gifts online to be delivered to MIL's address, there is no excuse for him not to wrap them when they come to MIL's for Christmas.

If you would rather not bother exchanging gifts, say that and just buy something for the DC on their uncle's behalf. I appreciate that transporting gifts can be difficult when travelling. I don't know why he doesn't just send you money direct for this, they are his presents to your family so why does MIL need to be involved at all? If MIL won't say anything, ask DH to tell BIL that MIL has enough to do as it is, gets very tired etc so you would like to revise the whole presents thing... men are particularly good at not noticing these things, I imagine FIL is not much better. If he insists you must have gifts to open on the day, it would be easier and probably nicer if you just bought your own token gifts, at least you will get something you like!

Whatever you decide to do, discuss it with BIL and come to an agreement before letting MIL know, otherwise she might feel guilty if the issue causes any bad feeling.

We have a small family and our rule is that adults will children don't get pressies (or diddy tokens e.g. a bottle of wine) but the kids get gifts. If anyone wants to do anything for me, they can donate to Redwings or something like that. No need or pressure for gift buying.

Well if they don't see you that often I don't see any harm in them asking you for ideas (why do they have to go via your MIL?) rather than get you something totally inappropriate. After all, you say "it's the thought that counts" but what if they do put a lot of thought in to it, get you something they think you will love but actually it is something you are a bit "Meh" about. Does the thought still count then?

I am with you though on them expecting MIL to do the buying and wrapping for them. That is a bit pathetic.

I once worked with someone who was boasting that he had Christmas sorted because his Mum just chose and bought all the presents he ought to be sending and even wrapped them for him and then billed him when he went home. He was quite taken aback when I told him he should be ashamed of himself for his lack of effort

Almost thought you were part of my family, OP! My MIL demands a
Christmas (and birthday) list every year and I hate having to put something down that i don't really need but won't cost a lot. I find it more joyful putting thought into it and giving and receiving surprises. Needless to say, I refuse to buy anything off her list (she put knickers on it this year!) and rebel that way. OP, you have my sympathies.

i find present buying incredibly stressfull, to the point that i dread christmas. I prefer the "list" option, as at least i have an idea what to buy. My elderly parents have everything they need, dont have room for nick nacks, dont use cosmetics/smelly things, so usually get a hamper of goodies, and books (from a list they give me!!) or games we can all play. DH is impossible to buy for as well, and DCs are so opinionated that i dont buy for them unless its off a list.
When i think of all the presents myself and my family have been given over the years that have gone to a charity shop, i actually feel quite angry. I realise there would have been thought behind these presents, but an enormous amount of money is wasted.
When i was a teenager, an elderly aunt thought i should collect teapots, i got a teapot every xmas for 30 years, and yes it was thoughtful, but what do i do with 30 teapots, not usable ones i might add, but decrative. Maybe i am a "bah humbug" type, christmmas would be so much happier if there was less emphasis on presents.

Thanks Bliss!! Mil in truth needs to be needed so I suspect she does a fair but of "I don't mind" to bil then goes on to me about how much she's doing. I have a feeling I can't win but am thinking of suggesting that me and DH and both his DB and their DW's all go out for a meal and not bother with pressies for the grown ups.

I think YABU.

Personally, I'd infinitely rather people asked me what I actually wanted for Xmas than buy me some generic old token shite like Dove gift sets or chocolates.

Yep I can see your point Saucy, I just find it very hard asking for things it feels odd to me but maybe I just look for things for myself when I'm Xmas shopping.

Ask for things only available in BIL's country.

Or email him an Amazon wish list and bring his attention to the gift wrapping option.

Or buy your MIL loads of cheap gift bags so she doesn't have to wrap.

We tell each other what we want, OK not many surprises but at least you get things you actually want and for members of my family who are cash strapped that's a good thing. Often we'll club together to get something. If I can't think of something then I'll say surprises but give an idea of what sort of surprises so I don't get ornaments or more vases.
MIL buying and wrapping their presents is their problem, that wouldn't bother me, it's up to MIL to say no if she wants to, but some women enjoy feeling needed and a bit martyry.

missmash, I would far rather go for a meal instead of a present. If MIL needs to be needed, she is welcome to babysit! I do feel though, that one day it will become too much doing stuff on behalf of others and it's best to nip it in the bud now.

Either refuse to tell MIL or ask for something from the country they live in that you can't get here