Is this just pregnancy rage or...

[ragrevel79]

.. am I really in the right? (I think I am you know)

So I am 23 weeks pregnant and DH has not even tried to cut down on the drinking. That's it really.

I don't mind at all if he wants to go out at the weekend and get drunk (if it were both nights every weekend I might get fed up but it tends to only be once a week)

The problem is that he is still pouring himself a nice big glass of red/white/beer every night monday to thursday AS WELL. I am really missing alcohol and so this is driving me a little nuts. I am totally internalising my rage as I know that saying anything will just lead to an argument, but it also means our sex life and our general mood with each other is on a low right now.

If he would just stop drinking monday to thursday Id be happy- just to show a bit of willing. But I really admire those women who say 'just because Im suffering why should he?'. I am yet to attain this level of yogic calm benevolence, please help me get perspective or tips on how to deal with it!!

I think it is pregnancy rage. Is it only one glass of wine/beer a day? That isn't ideal but it's not hugely excessive.

Could you buy a treat like posh chocolates and have one whilst your dp has his alcohol?

If he would just stop drinking monday to thursday Id be happy

Have you asked him to at all though OP? (without rage)

Perhaps it hasn't crossed his mind that you feel this way.

I cant resist asking if he still intends to get drunk every weekend once baby comes? I think the pregnancy time is a good time to gradually change your habits ready for the first few months/years of parenthood.

I'm preggers too and it annoys me sometimes that my husband does this - maybe 30% of the time...
It's usually on the odd occasion when I just feel like I'd like about 4 glasses of really dry cava. Not a measly one titchy glass. Then I have to think to myself that he has a stressful and busy job, and is entitled in my opinion, to unwind with a beer.
Also, he'll never get to experience pregnancy - it's a choice at the end of the day and I have to feel positively about it otherwise I'd be pissed off about a lot of things for 9 months and that would be rubbish all round.
I plan to bf for at least a year again too so roll on 2015, I'm getting smashed!!!!

Yes I think you just need to tell him calmly how you feel. Say that you are really missing alcohol and that seeing him tucking in every day does make you feel worse - it's a reminder if nothing else. If he is a reasonably kind soul then I guess he will agree.

I did have a male friend who gave up alcohol completely during his wife's second pregnancy, but I think he did it as much for health reasons as for solidarity as she was having the odd drink!

I thought I would feel like this before I got pregnant the first time, but I haven't either time. I don't mind my dh having a glass of wine or beer in the evenings - I don't even notice whether he is having one or not! However, this might be because he is a one drink in the evening fairly regularly person anyway, whereas I am a special occasions drinker usually.

What I do dislike is when I am in a group and everyone is drinking alot, because that is boring for me. So I have avoided those situations in pregnancy for the most part - I getting on now anyway, so doesn't happen alot! If we were in a party situation I would expect dh to go easy and not get drunk so that I was not left as only sober person.

Also I won't drive us back from things just because I'm pregnant and not drinking anyway as find it too tiring. Some might think that was unreasonable of me but there we are. Luckily we live in London (sort of) anyway so good transport!

thank you ladies. Its not excessive, its just the knowledge that he could support the no-alcohol thing and he doesn't. humph.

fluffyraggies I have said something, he just said he was too stressed at work. I think the thing that gets me the most is that he has done a dry monday to thursday before (when Im not pg) just because he wanted to be healthier. and this is much more important!! ARGH this rage is not going away yet....

and no Im not worried about when baby comes. he's not that much of a party animal and his nights out tend to be friends houses etc (who all have kids) that I woudl go to as well if I wasn't feeling quite so hibernat-ey. And when I say drunk, he only very occasionally gets proper steaming.

gosh he doesnt sound that bad does he. maybe this is hormones !!

YANBU. I had the same earlier in my pg with my DP.

It's not just the fact that I was missing out on a drink, but also that I found it harder to talk to him when he was a relaxed and a bit giggly after a couple, and I was absolutely stone cold sober and sporting a face like a slapped arse

I agree. Pregnancy does not equal designated driver service.

I kind of see where you're coming from but I do think it's more preggo rage, sorry! (I'm 32+3 and just started to really miss the odd glass of wine, frequently enjoyed by my DH )

We have a deal that DH will tell me every glass he pours 'tastes a bit boring' or 'isn't anything special' so I feel a bit less like I'm missing something nice - he's also banned from opening anything really decent until I can join him!

We've agreed that he'll only have the odd drink (never more than a beer or small glass of wine a day) at 35/36 weeks and totally stop drinking at 37 weeks, just in case the baby decides to put in an early appearance - I doubt it will as it's our first, but I'm happy for him not to realise that just yet!

Dh drank a lot more non alcoholic beer when I was pregnant, yanbu to expect a little consideration, or alternatively, are you booking yourself a nice alternative treat like pregnancy massage so not feeling resentful? I missed proper coffee more than booze though!

okay. cool. I think from everything you're saying I am being a little bit unreasonable. Its not like he's getting pissed. yonimitchell I am stealing that idea. He will have to pretend its corked or flat (delete as applicable) for every drink from now on...