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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my 10yo dd

52 replies

wontletmesignin · 20/11/2013 08:03

Before 6am this morning...she had decided to go and wake my 9yo ds up. He shares a room with a 5 and 3yo.
She has been told off for this many, many times before. She seemed to have stopped it and everyone was getting proper sleep.

But this morning, i was woke up to banging off the younguns running around the landing. Screamig and giggling. While dd and ds were playing CARDS!...In the dark!!!!

They left the baby gate open! The littleuns running around the landing in the dark! Its laminate at the bottom of the stairs, but under that its concrete!

Aibu to be a big pissed off with this?
They have all been told several times that until MY alarm clock goes off - it is NOT wake up time. My dd especially knows this as i have been here with her many times!

So now they are all going to school tired, and i have my yougest off nursery poorly, so no doubt he is going to feel worse today due to extra added tiredness!

OP posts:
lljkk · 20/11/2013 09:13

If there's a gate on the door then the door must be open all night, i think, else how does gate fit? So anyone who goes in the hallway will wake up those children unless extremely quiet? That doesn't sound sustainable long term.

Gate or not present matters whether OP is right to be furious about the gate open, yes.

I would have thought it was pretty obvious that the eldest shouldn't be waking everybody up ridiculously early, no need to ask about that. But maybe not fair to expect her not to if the bedroom door is always open.

We don't have a banister on our stairs at all; stair gates down by 24 months, laminate at the bottom with concrete underneath.

moldingsunbeams · 20/11/2013 09:13

This reply has been deleted

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lljkk · 20/11/2013 09:15

i can't make any nose near DS2's bedroom in the early morning (4am+) or he wakes up & stays up (quite manically so); can't sneak in to check on him or anything. It's just the way he's programmed to completely wake up at about that time, nobody's fault.

heartisaspade · 20/11/2013 09:16

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BornThisCrazy · 20/11/2013 09:16

If OP chooses to use a stairgate for her own peace of mind, there is nothing wrong with that. At our previous rented place, the stairs were spiral and so bloody steep and dangerous with broken tiles at the bottom landing. If we had not used a stairgate at the top and bottom of stairs, i'd have gone crazy with worry. (Mind you he learnt to open them by 2.5 but luckily moved out soon after).

Yanbu OP. Ds has now turned 4, and knows not to make noise in the morning as it wakes up the baby. He sneaks out quietly, shutting the door behind him and plays quietly in the playroom/watches tv. He has been doing this since he was 3.5 so a 10 year old has no excuse.

lljkk · 20/11/2013 09:18

but where is the stair gate? Is it on the children's door to keep them off the landing or is it just at the top of the stairs and only keeps them off the sati?. It was running around the landing that OP said she was upset about, which makes me think it's a landing framed by bannisters, hence the possibility of high fall.

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 20/11/2013 09:21

Wow. I really didnt think a stairgate was so important to people!
My question was to ask if i was bu about being annoyed with my dd. Her bedtime is half 9.

My kids do know not to climb the banister, but i couldnt live with myself if anything happened because i believed they wouldnt do it.

It is not lazy parenting at all. A gate cannot affect my parenting ways, im afraid. Its a gate.

Thank you to all who have replied. I will do the alarm clock for my dd and will be having words with all four of them tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 20/11/2013 09:25

I wss upset at them running around the landing because my older two dc had left the gate, which was on the boys bedroom door, open. The banister railing is on the landing. It is a huge drop to the bottom.

OP posts:
sparklysilversequins · 20/11/2013 09:29

It ISN'T so important to people, honestly.

This thread just proves once again that there's always someone just gagging to tell you you're getting it wrong with regards to your parenting. I wouldn't give the stair gate a second thought.

moldingsunbeams · 20/11/2013 09:48

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insanityscratching · 20/11/2013 09:48

You have my sympathy as I have a ten year old who doesn't need much sleep although she is more for staying up late rather than getting up too early. She's rarely asleep before half eleven but there's no stress now we don't try to make her sleep more than she needs. Could your dd have something in her room for her to do when she woke early or maybe go downstairs to watch a dvd? Maybe by showing her that you trust her to behave well and giving her the responsibility to do so it might mean that she proves herself to you.

gamerchick · 20/11/2013 10:05

Ignore the gate thing.. Some people just like to stick the boot in when they don't have anything constructive to say.

Good luck with the alarm clock...It is nice to hear however about siblings who get on like that I have to say Grin

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 20/11/2013 10:09

Yes mouldingsunbeams thats me. Thank you. :-) i think this is why my dd is playing old games again!

My dd loves reading and has plenty of books. She also has plenty of other things she could be doing. Like getting ready, tidying her room, putting her own tv on.

I get the feeling she had deliberately done it.
When i asked if she had woken ds up, she said no and came up with astory. Admitted it when i told her it made no sense.

We have been down this road so many times. I cannot be bothered to do these stupid battles with her all over again!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 20/11/2013 10:10

I wouldn't be annoyed (or any more annoyed than usually) in that situation. My two are 6&8, and they regularly wake me by dicking about first thing. It's just part and parcel of having kids in the house IMO.

Not that I'm averse to shouting at them to keep the racket down, mind.

valiumredhead · 20/11/2013 10:20

I'd read the riot act to dd OP, that is not on! Tell her if it happens again then she'll lose out on screen time or whatever for a week.

Wrt the stair gate,wtaf?Confused how on earth does it make you a lazy parent? People make such utterly ridiculous sweeping statements on MN as if they are factHmm

Original poster
wontletmesignin · 20/11/2013 10:21

Thank you all.
I had that attitude towards it all at first, saucy. But when i didnt say anything about it. It wound up being 3am, and that to be was just unacceptable.

I just really dont want to go down that route again as it was exhausting! For all.

I think that alarm should do the trick. If she continues to do it, then god help me. Because no punishment works on dd. She is too stubborn lol.
Took everything out of her room not too long ago and her response was "aahh im still not bored :-)"

OP posts:
Original poster
wontletmesignin · 20/11/2013 10:25

Thank you gamerchick
It took a lot of hard work to get them like that!! Even still dd can make it difficult between 9yo ds and herself.

They used to fight constantly when they were younger. Had a dad who encouraged it. Took a lot of work to put a stop to it!

The hard work payed off though as my younger two wouldnt even dream of lifting a hand to one another. Which im pleased about!

OP posts:
50shadesofmeh · 20/11/2013 10:28

Your 10 year old is old enough to know better, tell her next time it happens her brother will be sharing a room with her, congratulations managing to get 3 kids in one room to sleep.

absentmindeddooooodles · 20/11/2013 10:32

Id have a good talk to her about it. Shes old enough to follow Instructions like that. Its not as if 6:30 is late. If you were not letting them get up until 9 or something id say yabu. As it stands yanbu and I totaly understand the need for her to listen to you on this one. Especially with little ones needing a bit more sleep before big daysat nursery etc.

As for the stairgate issue....wtaf?!?!?!

My ds is 2.8. I have a stairgate at the top and bottom of the stairs. He is no way near old enough to go up and down stairs on his own. I k ow maybe two 3 yo kids who dont use stairgates. One of them was hospitalised from falling down the stairs a few months back. She broke her leg and is in a wheelchair for the next few months. The mother has put a stairgate back up.

Granted ds is not great with the stairs. A bit behind other kids his age. But still....a tierd child getting up in the middle of the night, confused etc....could so so easily fall down the staira. For me it is not worth the risk.

I dont see why its an issue to leave it up for a while....if ds wants to go upstairs I go and open the gate and helphim up the stairs. Not an issue. Think its lazier to leave them to it rather than get up and open a gate.

Either way each to their own. Kids learn at differwnt rates. Ds is still in nappies.....if someone called me lazy for that id be very very stabby indeed!!

moldingsunbeams · 20/11/2013 10:32

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DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 20/11/2013 10:43

YANBU to be pissed off I would be at 10 shes old enough to know better and to follow basic instructions. I'd be issuing punishments right now if this was my 6 year old continulously doing this. screen time and taking away of favourite toys usually does the trick with her.

As for the gate, we have one on DS's (2 and a half) bedroom door to stop him getting into mischief in the night (hes got form for blocking the loo with stuff). I honestly am taken aback by how judgemental and needlessly mean some people (well mainly one person) are Shock

ShawnSpencer · 20/11/2013 11:18

The OP's issue was the stairgate being open due to her elder two disobeying her.

I was saying that I would be being a lot stricter on the 4 of them, yes more so the 10 year old because age appropriate.

I would be having strong words that getting out of bed before 6am (or whatever time is appropriate for you) is selfish behaviour and unfair on the rest of the household and the neighbours.

But at the same time I would not be reliant on the stairgate and having strong words with the younger ones about the dangers of a) running up and down the landing and b) climbing up the bannister.

The op was asking whether she was U to be annoyed at the 10 year old - no she isn't I would be too, but I would also be annoyed at the other 3 for their behaviour too.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 20/11/2013 13:23

Fair enough but what you said originally was needlessly harsh.

SkullyAndBones · 20/11/2013 13:29

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valiumredhead · 20/11/2013 13:34

Plenty of 9 year old go to bed at 9.30! Ds doesn't as he'd be shattered but bedtime isn't the issue here.