To be desperate for another child?

[Sparklymommy]

I currently have four beautiful children. My youngest started school in September and whilst I am enjoying getting the house straight and having a bit more time to shop in peace, I really miss having a baby at home with me all the time.

However, DH and DM (who lives with us) feel that four is enough. Neither of them have said DEFINITELY no to another in the future. However I feel ready for another baby now. And I worry that the longer we leave it the less chance there is of it happening.

I also have kidney disease, so if my condition were to deteriorate then my chances of carrying a baby safely would be reduced.

I'm almost 30. And love being a mum. The idea of not having another baby makes me feel full of despair. AIBU? To want to start trying again sooner rather than later?

'However, DH and DM (who lives with us) feel that four is enough'

This was the clue and op's dh is done having more.

Well my hubby thought none at all was just right at the time, then changed his mind and when I was pregnant said he wanted 2, I only even wanted 1. Then when we had our baby I briefly wanted 2 but he'd changed his mind and didn't want another and then I changed my mind back to being ok with just one again.

Things change sometimes, sometimes they don't change. That's between the couple to work out by communicating with each other to find out for now and in time. Nowt wrong with reassessing and discussing but plenty wrong with pressurising the partner though. It's a fine line to tread.

He hasn't said never. He keeps saying not right now.

For those of you who think I have low self esteem: I don't. I am a busy woman with interests that I am very involved with and I love working at the dance school my children are members of, where I do admin work in exchange for fees.

I don't just want another baby. I want to have another child. I am more than aware that children grow and that they Are expensive. My children love me, and I them.

My mother doesn't really have a say. Although when I told her I was pregnant with dd2 you would have thought I'd told her I'd murdered somebody!!! Lol. She didn't speak to me for 48 hours (a mean feat when we all live together) and when she did she made me promise that I'd be sterilised. I agreed at the time, knowing that my doctors wouldn't agree to sterilise a 26 year old woman. By the time dd2 was born of course she had relented. And even she says "in the future" now.

It's just, I don't want to wait too long. I loved the baby stage, but I also love all the stages my children are at now. I went through a phase when the three youngest were all under five when it was almost unbearable but we've come through it and I am broody again. It's hard.

My children are all happy, healthy and outgoing. I seem to be good at being a mummy!

I don't think yabu to want another baby, I can't imagine a time when I wil know for sure that I won't have any more (I only have 1 child so maybe I will eat my words if I have another and be perfectly satisfied with 2.)

Me and my dp had a hard journey to become pregnant and there were times when I thought we would never become parents. I don't think I will ever loose that fear, I think if you have experienced fertility problems or pregnancy loss it changes something inside of you and the yerning for a baby becomes so magnified, for me that yerning didn't fully go away when my baby was born. I don't think about the practicalities of children I think about how I feel about the idea of more children.

Only you and your dp know if it is a good idea to have another baby. If you have enough time/space/money/energy to have another child and it is something that you and your dp both want then go for it.

One day you will become a grandma and my mum tells me it is the most amazing feeling, like having your own baby but without the sleepless night and labour.

Over the years I have known several families with 5 children.
The elder children ones were not happy with yet another baby.
They were often fed up with hearing babies cry and mum always being busy with the babies.

Wow. Why is your mother so opposed to you having more children?

Would there be any negative impact on the other children?Would they have to share bedrooms as teenagers,would your lifestyle change much and would you have enough space?
I've got 3 very close together and feel like if I had more they would all get less attention and would mind,plus I'm too old!
But yours are a bit older,more independent and 30 is still quite young and if they are now all at school,why not?
Most people I know from larger families really like it but finances,careers and starting a family later have stopped them emulating it.

You haven't mentioned your health again. That is the main reason yabu imo.

Is having another really a risk to you or a potential baby? If it isn't really a risk then I dont see why you shouldn't have another as long as dh agrees.

If it means a pregnancy could see you become ill or the baby could also have problems then I think yabu. Your 4 children need their healthy, involved mother around.

Do you all live in your mothers house Is that why she is opposed to it or is she worried about her daughters health and actually being sensible?

OK, sounds like you've thought it through - YANBU. It's not for anyone else to say that a very big family isn't the right choice for you - if your dh agrees of course.