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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am not, how is this my fault???

15 replies

ditavonteesed · 19/11/2013 19:58

I got a call from my dad today to ask if we wanted to go out for a family dinner on fri at 6pm, I sadi yes that would be lovely. I just got a call from my mum saying they are changing the time to 7pm as my brother cant get there earlier (he will be going for a run or a bike ride at a guess), anyway i said yes, she caught me slightly distracted as I was poo picking in the garden and ran in to answer the phone. anyway dh walks in and I asked him and we decided that actually its a bit late as dd1 is having a few anxiety issues at the moment and becomes a ball of rage if she doesnt get enough sleep and we have to be up for swimming on sat. So I call mum back and say actually its a bit late so we will give it a miss no biggie, I can here my mum getting stressed and my dad in the background saying well we will stick to the early time. My mum is now stressed and I am left feeling like it is my fault. Is it?

OP posts:
TheRobberBride · 19/11/2013 20:19

Has anybody actually said it's your fault?

You said 7 was inconvenient so they're changing it back to 6, yes?

I don't think this is worth getting het up about OP.

ICameOnTheJitney · 19/11/2013 20:22

I think you feel bad because you allowed your DH to make a change which really was not needed. ONE hour is not going to make DD stressed. Just make sure she's had an early night the day before!

WhoNickedMyName · 19/11/2013 20:23

You're overthinking.

Yama · 19/11/2013 20:26

It's clearly your brother's fault. Wink

I wouldn't worry about pulling out of a meal where the time had been changed by someone else.

If there are changing it back to 6pm then it is clearly no big deal for your brother.

PinkSnowAndStars · 19/11/2013 20:27

I don't think 1 hour will make that much difference, but you need to do whats right for your family. but from your mum and dads point of veiw, they would probably like to have your brother there as well, so really 1 hour on a non school night isn't really a biggie.

FreeWee · 19/11/2013 20:32

One hour would make the world of difference to my DD so I understand why you've decided on reflection it's too late. If it's a choice between your brother having a run and your DD going to sleep at a time that doesn't upset her then I know which one I'd choose.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 19/11/2013 20:32

An impromptu family meal I wouldn't go through the stress even if it is an hour.

Wonderstuff · 19/11/2013 20:35

An hour does make a difference to some kids, for dd it's the difference between her being an angel or a bear, I can see why you want it to be earlier. It might just be your mum being a bit grumpy at changing the time three times when she probably thought it would be more straight forward, she may not be directing that stress at you or anyone in particular..

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/11/2013 20:37

Back in the day even 15 minutes would stress me out, let alone an hour. It's unfortunate the way it all unfolded, times changing, last minute discussion etc but I think your family should still be understanding that an 11 month old's needs might need considering!

WooWooOwl · 19/11/2013 20:37

It's your fault because you said yes when you were asked at let, then your parents get happy about the new plan and seeing you all together, then you changed your mind.

But really, there doesn't need to be anyone at fault, it's not a big deal.

You say your mum is stressed, but she's probably just disappointed that she won't see you for the sake of an hour.

TurnOffTheTv · 19/11/2013 20:39

Of course an hour will make a difference ! 9 year old, not a problem. 2 year old, meltdown territory!

WhoNickedMyName · 19/11/2013 20:44

How old is your DD?

DoItTooJulia · 19/11/2013 20:46

Can you split the difference? Half past?

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 19/11/2013 20:51

I will accept that I am ur then. I didnt ask them to change the time though just said that we wouldnt be coming then. My parents understand the problems dd has and I really do not want to have a scene to deal with in a pub. I didnt ask them to change the time though just said that we wouldnt be coming then. As it is I am just stressed today, got a call from my rather elderly gran earlier to say she was out and feeling really ill so could I pick her up, then she refused to go to the docs so been worrying all day, then my mum just phoned to say she cant get hold of her so I have driven over, she is fine luckily, is in the neighbours flat but I had allsorts of horrific things going through my mind. To top it off I cant find my work shoes anywhere.

OP posts:
thebody · 19/11/2013 20:58

ah op you sound absolutely lovely.

please stop right now. you are not the people pleaser if the world or indeed your family Grin and relax.

you are not unreasonable.

in the dim past of my kids being tiny I would have killed to prevent a change to routine and an hour CAN make a difference.

-++ your gran is fine.

enjoy the meal, you deserve it for being a nice person.

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