About the car?

[cleofatra]

AIBU and a bit of a princess or am I right in being annoyed?

We have recently moved and, as a consequence, have downsized to one car.This is his choice as he is basically tight. My husband seems to have "taken ownership" of the car, so when I use it, it's "borrowing" it.

I work 2 days a week (mon and fri) and catch the bus to and from work, He has the car. ( I am looking for more hours). I should add that my job is not based in one place. I pick up a company car at work and during the day, probably drive for 3 -4 hours between seeing clients.

He works 3 days a week. The days change frequently but can be mon to wed or thurs to sat, usually.

I am expected to drive him to work, and then home and to do the same trip to pick him up if I "need" the car on the days he works. It is just over a one hour round trip. (afternoon/evening with kids).

My "needs" are pretty much all the household chores and I am also trying to build a business. Today he chose to take the car to work as he finishes a little later and has just had a moan on the phone as I dont have any groceries in(As usual, "what is for dinner" is asked around lunchtime).

Granted the bus route for him to work is a little more difficult than mine but I'm sick of being the inconvenienced one all the time. This is starting to be a little ranty but AIBU in thinking this et up is a PITA?

God I need a car.

Did you both discuss the arrangements using the car before you downsized? What did your'll agree to before this?

We made an international move so had sold both cars. Since we have arrived here, we have bought one nd there is a moan and a refusal to buy the second due to cost.

NYANBU You need a carof your own but if you can't afford one then you need a fairer distribution of car time and more consideration but.......this is a man thing and until you get a second car I suspect your problem is not going to go away. You will always be "borrowing" the car and I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't inspected for damage following use too !!

You can draw up a plan and make and agreement and get all the advice under the sun but I can tell you now that, unless there is a minor miracle, things will continue as they are but I hope you feel better for a mini rant!

Cleo: Don't you know dear, that he is more important than you!
How I sympathise with you.
My X used to finish work an hour before me and refused point blank to go on detour to pick me up from work, because he would have to wait for 30 mins.
So instead of it taking 20 mins to get home in a car, I used public transport and it took 75 minutes.
I'd get home two hours after him and start cooking, because that was my job.
He spent the two hours 'listening to music" (smoking dope)

I could go on and on, but probably best not to.

We dont even have cooking equipment yet as we have just moved into a house with NOTHING. I need to get to the shops. I suppose I will have to suck it up and do the 2 round trips...grrrr :(

That is BAD paxtecum.

Can you afford a car? If you can then why can't you have one? Otherwise I'd be insisting that the inconvenience was shared.

When he asks what's for dinner, tell him that as he has the car, he can call via the supermarket and chose the food.

Tell him to get the groceries while he has the car at work. Or online delivery. I realise this is missing the point, I think he is being selfish expecting you to fetch and carry him. Basically, he hasn't got rid of a car, you have. Whose decision was it?

Do you know, stillnofuckingeyedeer, I did that and he said that I can take the car and nip out to the shops when he gets home.

I have "asked" for a car over and over but I get tantrums and arm flapping with "ok, if you want to waste ALL of our money on a car but dont come crying to me when we have no money etc etc"...blah blah blah

Leave out take away menu
Run a lovely bubble bath
Get bottle of wine, glass, smelly candles
Lie in bath
Drink wine
And breathe
He won't starve.

this is a man thing

No, it's not a 'man thing', it's a selfish arse thing. My husband wouldn't dream of behaving like this.

Put your foot down. Either insist on buying another car (don't just ask) or on sharing the car fairly. And he can certainly pick up some shopping on the way back from work! Don't put up with this shit.

When you are nice and relaxed you can start adding up the cost of many take aways if he can't be bothered to shop...or start billing him for your wasted time.

Yay to knid!!!

Sadly I do not have one drop of alcohol in this house . Wine and bath would have been great.

I am reminded of my friend who had this problem. She started a campaign of stealth. She hid the car keys (including all his office keys etc) on the days he had the car. She would already be on a bus or train on her way to work when he discovered he didn't know where they were and she would send him round the house on a wild goose chase by telephone...." have you tried looking ....etc." Once she did the classic "oops..they are still in my bag when I "borrowed" the car last night to go and get your beer ". She invented every reason under the sun for being late to pick him up when she did have the car but had to make detours to collect him from work etc. She usually did that when it was really wet, really cold etc. She would park where he couldn't see her and watch him shiver on the street corner for ages!! She even let the tyres down in the drive then pointed out that if they had two cars he would have had an option.

I can't tell you how devious she became but after two months they had a second car and life was all back to normal although I can't help feeling that she was a little disappointed in the end as her ingenuity was becoming boundless not to mention empowering. How low are you prepared to stoop?

We've done both, 1 car, 2 cars, we share.
He is an arse.
He doesn't need to buy another car because he is not being inconvenienced, you are

Twat !!