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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it's NOT OK for my boss to poke me in the back to get my attention?

31 replies

Horrocious · 18/11/2013 21:16

It was a hard dig between the ribs under my shoulderblade. It hurt.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was running around trying to get several things done at once, but now I'm thinking... that's not right.

He's a grumpy sod at the best of times, but I can put up with him grumbling and barking.

He was trying to draw my attention to the fact that he didn't have a cup of coffee for his meeting.

Is this really off or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
MrsBradfield · 18/11/2013 21:18

YANBU I wouldn't put up with that at all.

harticus · 18/11/2013 21:19

No it is not ok to be poked by your boss.

WaitingForMe · 18/11/2013 21:19

It's not ok for him to touch you anywhere except to shake your hand or perhaps pat your shoulder if you've cried in front of him.

SantanaLopez · 18/11/2013 21:20
Shock

Do you work in the 1950s?

MsVestibule · 18/11/2013 21:22

Er no, that is not OK. If he does it again, say "That hurt. Do not poke me again." Seriously, some people have absolutely zero social skills.

Apart from this, I'm guessing your job isn't a barrel of laughs?

Original poster
Horrocious · 18/11/2013 21:22

But what to do? I didn't say anything after he did it.

OP posts:
Golddigger · 18/11/2013 21:23

He sounds old school. Not really on.
I think I would actually say something about it to him, but gently.

Original poster
Horrocious · 18/11/2013 21:24

My job is horrible. It makes me cry most days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Horrocious · 18/11/2013 21:25

and I'm really not the blubbing type.
but needs must at the moment.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 18/11/2013 22:08

Ah, horrocious, crying most days because of work is not good. What happens that's so upsetting? I'm sure you must have looked, but is there really nothing else out there for a similar wage?

How's everything else in your life? Thanks

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/11/2013 23:10

Is he the owner or just a manager and is there a HR dept? Does he have a boss?

iklboo · 18/11/2013 23:22

DH is the only person who I can stand touching my back (I made an exception for the anaesthetist giving me my epidural). I hate being poked anywhere by anyone, including DH & DS - or 'tapped' for attention. It's apt to make me utterly Hulk out.

iklboo · 18/11/2013 23:24

Argh - posted too soon!

Meant to add I'm sorry to hear your job is so rubbish. Do you have an HR department? Poking an employee is not acceptable and certainly not just because he didn't have a coffee. If his hands work well enough to poke you they work well enough to make himself a drink.

Amy106 · 18/11/2013 23:35

I am really sorry this happened to you. It is really not acceptable behaviour. If it happens again, make it clear that it hurts and he can't do that to you.

thebestlaidplans · 18/11/2013 23:37

Depends what he poked you in the back with I guess?

(Seriously though, yanbu)

ilovesooty · 18/11/2013 23:55

It's not at all acceptable.

My boss hugged me after we had an "animated" discussion last week and he upset me (but he did ask first).

Sorry you're having such a rotten time.

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/11/2013 00:06

No, that is horrible, uncivilised behaviour - assault, actually, since it was deliberate and it hurt.

It is complete unacceptable in this day and age and I would take an early opportunity to speak to your boss about it. I would say something like: "Excuse me, but you know when you poked me in the back earlier? Well, it hurt and I don't like being touched anyway". If he defends his behaviour, I would say - before looking for another job - "Well, technically, it's assault so don't do it again."

I'm not surprised you're miserable at work, if that's typical of the treatment you receive. It's time to move to a nicer, more respectful environment.

Jinsei · 19/11/2013 00:12

He is treating you with an utter lack of respect. I would be furious if my boss treated me like that, but then, I know that it would never occur to my boss to behave like that anyway. Seriously out of order.

Had I been in your position, I'd have ensured that he got his cup of coffee for the meeting - in his lap!!

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/11/2013 00:30

Here here, Jinsei! Sometimes, revenge is a dish best served hot!

perfectstorm · 19/11/2013 00:39

If it's a large company and he doesn't own it, I'd approach HR.

Whatever the situation, I'd be looking for a new job asap.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 19/11/2013 01:14

Are you actually serious, or is this one of those 'guess the crap tv show' type threads?

If you are serious - get job hunting. Yes you need a job, you don't need this job. I'd have shoved the coffee pot up his arse.

... well, OK... maybe not, but I would have told him to get his own fucking coffee.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 19/11/2013 01:19

Chippng I was wondering that too...

Option A you thought it was your dream job in buying, but you had to spend the day sorting coat hangers

Option B you accidentally put rat poison in his coffee instead of Skinny n sweet. (the box looked the same)

Don't cry op - just tell him you have a bruise where he poked you and that there are other ways to grab your attention.

Original poster
Horrocious · 19/11/2013 07:49

I'm being entirely serious, unfortunately. Although the clothes hangers in the cupboard reference made me smile wryly.

He is the owner. He also has form for getting rid of employees who stand up to him. I need this job very badly. DH is self employed and trying to juggle that and childcare. There's fuck all else out there, believe me. Me and the job pages are all too familiar..

I usually stand up for myself pretty effectively but I just can't afford to be edged out of this job. And as for this being like the 50's, I bet my gran wouldn't have put up with this shit Hmm

OP posts:
BefuddledNoMore · 19/11/2013 08:00

He sounds horrible OP - especially over you getting him a cup of coffee.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/11/2013 08:39

My boss pats me on the shoulder,patronising git.