OK, I laughed this off at first. And I am TRYING to be understanding. But it's actually getting seriously impactful now.
DP, about 6 months ago, developed this really weird habit. I had thought it was just because he had a cold. He basically grunts really loudly (I mean REALLY loudly) and hoiks up all the phlegm in his mouth, and then gobs it all (even more loudly) in the nearest receptacle. Repeatedly.
He does it in earshot of guests (though, tellingly, not his DPs). In front of the twins (so they have started copying the noise, which he just finds amusing). He does it A LOT first thing in the morning during his ablutions. And - which is where it's impacting - last thing at night. I'm trying soooo hard to ignore it, but it doesn't make for a Barry White moment. It's actually making my skin crawl and my teeth shiver and it's REALLY REALLY hard to fancy him and leap into his arms when he comes to bed.
Once, in his sleep, he even did it on my head. I jest not. That was a new low...
I've tried mentioning it in a non-naggy way only to be dismissed. I once even read out an article about things we find disgusting and why, which included chesty things like this, because at a subconscious level we see it as a sign of illness and therefore find it physically repellent because we don't want to be infected.
Do you think he IS ill? Do normal people have that amount of phlegm/catarrh? He doesn't have a cough/wheeze. He IS overweight (which doesn't help either, and he also SNORES like a particularly choked up walrus).
How can I make him aware of it? A bit more discreet? Just to TONE IT DOWN A BIT? I really don't want to be whingey, because I'm not like that at all, and I'm sure I have my own irritating habits. But he genuinely would get more action if he could just STOP BEING SO DISGUSTING!
Suggestions ladies please. Has anyone else had this or similar? How did you gently get them to desist?
AIBU?
...to be slightly repulsed by DP?
stinkingbishop · 18/11/2013 09:25
Update. As luck (in a way) would have it he came back home complaining of mouth ulcers and in his ear (?) Apparently he got this once before and it's because he has a narrow eustachian tube and was meant to see an ENT person but never did (this being decades ago). And he is therefore prone to infections.
I said very casually-like, oo, do you think that's something to do with your snoring and your phlegm then?
Oh no, I'd love to blame that but I can't, that doesn't come from my ear.
Yes, DP, ear, nose and throat are all connected. Hence 'ENT'. And you being told to see one. Twenty years ago!
He is calling them in the morning 
.
Now just to tackle the general issue of politesse...
Do you have kids that use your phone/any equipment capable of video?
DS has unbeknownst to me and DH been videoing us in our day to day lives. He is six, it hasn't been doing it undercover or anything. But it was an eye opener! DH was slightly repulsed by watching himself stick two hands down his trousers and give his balls a good scratch.
Video your DH hawking up phlegm into a receptacle that shouldn't have phlegm in it and then play it back to him.
I hope ent sort it for your sake
Right. Well, it has been a constructive 24 hours on the phlegm front, kicked off by all the hardline support here! Galvanised, I went into polite battle.
He is seeing the GP next week, and an ENT consultant the week after. Hallelujah.
I asked whether it would be helpful for me to write a list of what I observed his symptoms to be and, using that pretext, had a little word about the gobbing. I said it just wasn't natural. he said 'really?' Er, NOOOOO DP. He claimed not to be aware of it most of the time. I said therefore I would point it out to him when he did it .
Last night I heard him creep into the bathroom, shut the door, and run the shower to disguise the noise of the hoiking.
This is all a good start as regards the house training. So thank you good women of MN 
.
Start doing it yourself or develop and equally disgusting habit and making it a disgusting habit war.
Just a quick mention to say that your original OP talked about him being overweight and snoring - your GP might want to refer him to a sleep apnoea clinic to investigate, as this would tie in with the other symptoms and can be quite serious... 
out the car window 
That, along with the rest of the 'receptacles', is awful. If my OH(if I had one) did this he'd soon stop as I'd be throwing up every time he did it
I'd go along the 'if you ever want sex again you'll stop this immediately!' route
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