To think ex should not go out on piss when dc are supposed to be at his?

[Chocberry]

Ex has dcs every other weekend only. We have had this arrangement since April when we split. Many occasion now he has let them sleep out at other family members houses whilst he goes out on the piss!
Then has hangover all next day and does sod all with them.
He also goes to his football on one of the days, if its not that then he is working.
I'm getting sick and tired of dcs coming back saying they've not spent much time with him.
But what can I do? Not a lot I expect!

Cant do anything. I know full well my ex leaves my son with his mum and fucks off to his girlfriends but cant say anything.

My son will realise and when he is older he will decide he doesn't want to go anymore.

I'm.counting down

in my opinion yanbu

I wouldn't send them if I knew my ex planned that. We have been to family court so not at all friendly. He wanted them some weekends when he would be working, court didn't agree. He now has 2 weekends (one just saturday night and one for saturday and sunday night) out of 6, when we used to have alternate saturday nights.

Mine did this. I just stopped them going but the place he was living wasn't that suitable either so it was quite an easy decision.

YANBU. My ex was doing this too, I mean there were weekends where DS says they spent less than an hour together. It was upsetting DS too much so tried to change which weekends (his gf had every other saturday night off work so I wanted to swap them so DS would get all his attention and ex wouldn't need to dump DS on people to go out drinking) ex got really stroppy, took me to court, access was changed to once a month with an agreement about not dumping DS with a babysitter. He didn't stick to it and eventually we got to the stage where DS refused to go, so after yet more court time we are down to one letter a month and no direct contat unless DS changes his mind.

Is there any way you could talk to your ex and tell him you aren't happy? Are you getting on well enough to discuss it and work out a plan between you or swap weekends?

No, he shouldn't be such a shit dad when they are supposed to be with him.

But if your kids are with other members of his family and they look after them well, then it's probably good for them to keep up the weekend contact.

Even if they have a crap Dad, they have a whole other side of their family that they will get to know this way.

Think yabu and it's up to him what he does tbh

"My son will realise and when he is older he will decide he doesn't want to go anymore."

Doesn't he like sleep-overs with his Granny?

Such selfish behaviour. One of the reasons I left him. I've spoken with him before he says he won't do it again, but he does. Oh well will just have to plod along and hope it doesn't mess dcs heads up too much.
Thanks for replies.

I think SP was making the point that dcs work out what each parent is like for themselves..... Mine certainly have.

II31, are you a dad that does this?

I'm in two minds about it. Obviously in a ideal world he would be at home with the children. However, if you were still together you would allow family members to babysit while you went out so no different really?

Are the kids happy?

If so, I think that's all that matters.

Thing is, they are NOT together so it IS different...

If he goes on the piss while leaving them at granny's or other family who take good care of them they are at least well taken care of.

Do they see him at all or is it a quick hello on the way out and a hangover the next morning/afternoon?

The best way to guage it is by the children themselves. If they are not comfortable with it they will start to act up.

so he has his children envy other weekend of course he should not be going out on the piss, the odd occasion fine but everytime

They are there to spend time with their dad and of if he cba what message is he giving them he has all the week and every other weekend to do this

sadly not much you can do unless your children decide they do not want to visit as often. sadly it often leaves children wanting more that they get from a nrp which can impact on their future relationships

I think you should leave the children to make the decision when they are older. Yes its not a wise choice he's making but its his choice to make. Just as it is your choice whether you go out or stay in when you have the children as long as he isn't leaving them alone i don't see the problem.

YANBU but as long as the kids are happy to go, then I think you just have to make sure his lack of interest isn't having a negative affect on them,
Mine are now at the stage where they really aren 't bothered about going as contact weekends seem to involve them lying around bored senseless watching TV and eldest being told that she's 'in charge' whilst her dad and OW lie in bed til lunchtime

Very very annoying. Do you dc's like the family they stay with? Even if their dad is being rubbish, I think it's good to build bonds with other relatives.

YANBU, my ex does this too, all the time! And after fighting through courts to see his daughter, hypocrite! Why can't he go out one or all of the other 12 out of 14 nights that she's not with him?! Oh yes because he's immature and v selfish.

Mine used to do this quite a lot and it irritated me as it's friends of his that babysit.

Now it's only occasionally as most of the time he will ask to swop the weekend night with me instead as he does alternate Fri or Sat night. If I've no plans I don't mind. It's taken a few years to get this amicable however.