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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect friend to be able to fit me in sometime before next year?

11 replies

FlatsInDagenham · 17/11/2013 22:53

I have known this woman for a few years, been close friends for a couple of years. We met at work but she lives nearby and we've seen a lot of each other outside of work. We've done stuff together with our DH's and our children, who are similar ages.

She's often indicated that she likes me a lot and that our friendship matters to her. She helped me out a lot when I was having a difficult pregnancy last year. I've been a listening and supportive ear when she wanted to talk about some difficult family stuff. After she had her most recent baby she sobbed on my shoulder when things were tough in the early weeks.

She is on maternity leave and I have recently left my job to be a SAHM. As I said, she lives very local to me. You would think that we would see each other sometimes. We were both looking forward to this time and the stuff we would get up to together.

But no. I haven't seen her for nearly 2 months. We have texted and talked on the phone (although that conversation was all about her - she didn't ask me about me). She seems to have replaced me with another couple of newer mummy friends, who (from what I can gather) she has regular weekly meet ups with.

I've asked her over for coffee a couple of times in the 2 months and she always responds enthusiastically but then either can't fit me in or cancels at the last minute.

She has actually invited me to a couple of outings with her new friends but it's always at the last minute as an afterthought with the phrasing "We are going ... You are welcome to join us." Which for some reason makes me feel really cross. I don't want to tag along like a grateful outsider - I want my friend to want to spend time with me iykwim. The way she asks me just makes me feel she's asking me out of pity!

But her most recent text has really upset me. Apparently her time is all booked up until Christmas so she hasn't got time to see me. She actually signed her last text off (a couple of days ago) with 'Have a lovely Christmas.'

Let me re-iterate: she is on mat leave, I'm a SAHM and we live 5 minutes away.

I need to accept it - I've been dumped, haven't I?

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 17/11/2013 22:58

I think maybe you have. Don't chase her any more. Leave it and see if she bothers to try to arrange a meeting.

LindyHemming · 17/11/2013 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaroldTheGoat · 17/11/2013 23:04

Some people seem to not be that interested in keeping in touch with old friends and so long as they have people to hang around with are happy with that.

I make a big effort to keep in touch with people but have had this happen with me too.

Just stop making an effort, I would.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 17/11/2013 23:16

If you tell someone to have a nice Christmas before November is even out, you're not planning to see them any time soon and you're hoping they take the hint.

She sounds charmless and shallow. Be glad you're rid of her. She's obviously just one of those fair weather people.

CocacolaMum · 17/11/2013 23:16

as someone who also suspects they have been dumped (by my best friend of 10 years no less) you have my sympathies x Sad

chandlerbing · 17/11/2013 23:16

I agree with the others; I'd stop making any contact with her and see if she contacts you.

Brandnewmamma · 17/11/2013 23:18

Don't contact her again.

Don't worry about it but get yourself out and about to mother and baby groups. It is ridiculous to wish you a happy Christmas now!!! Make sure you wish her a happy Christmas back though. Be all smiley etc when you meet. She may be sorry in the long run to miss out on a genuine friendship but don't overthink it all.

Brandnewmamma · 17/11/2013 23:22

A close friend of mine is single and hasn't come near me except once to drop off a baby present. It annoyed me for a while but there is a saying.. There is a long road without a turn.. I won't go out of my way now she has shown her true colours.

FlatsInDagenham · 17/11/2013 23:25

Whilst I agree in principle with not contacting her, I have a bag of stuff she lent to me back in August - it's just a few party decorations, but nevertheless, they belong to her - if I don't contact her again, how should I return it?

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 17/11/2013 23:27

If she's not fussed about coming to get it or seeing you to collect it, I wouldn't bother. If she gets back in touch in the New Year, perhaps agree to drop it off.

I do think her 'have a nice Christmas' is spectacularly tactless and does indicate you are not good .riends, onwards and upwards/

HaroldTheGoat · 17/11/2013 23:30

Just text back have a nice one too, and leave it there. Stick the stuff in your loft.

I would.

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