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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For thinking my husbands a not so great dad.

18 replies

Mummytotwox · 17/11/2013 18:51

We have two children, a 5yo dd and 4yo ds.

He's not very hands on, apart from he does bath them on a Sunday. He raley takes them bed, has never cooked there tea, doesn't dress them, or anything. Doesn't take them out, doesn't really play with them unless it's his terms. But he think he's brilliant at punishment, and telling them off.

It feels like he doesn't talk to them, just shouts. Same with me, we can never have a conversation because he hates me "talking over him". He's always raising his voice, and i end up yelling at him to stop.

He sulks like a teenager,just now he's on the computer with music on loud, so I will "fuck off upstairs".

He's so frigging moody, like kids will do something and I will laugh, and say show daddy, he won't react hardly at all.
He puts me down in front of the kids, like yday we was out shopping, dd asked me to go to the toilet, I said daddy will take you as I was busy, he turned around and told our daughter "I was lazy and couldn't get off my arse to take her". Even though he was sat down too.

I'm sick to death of him. He never puts the kids first, he used too. When they was younger he was a much better father then he is now :(

OP posts:
Hassled · 17/11/2013 18:55

YANBU. He's not a great dad. He sounds like a completely crap dad.

So - what's next? Can you see him ever changing? Can you continue to cope with him not changing?

harticus · 17/11/2013 18:58

Not just a crap dad - a crap human by the sound of it.

Nanny0gg · 17/11/2013 18:59

He's horrible.

Have you talked to him about it?

Catmint · 17/11/2013 19:00

I'm really sorry to say this OP, but from what you have written he sounds utterly horrible and I struggle to imagine what yours and DC life must be like.

Ilovexmastime · 17/11/2013 19:01

I think that you need to post this in Relationships as it sounds like you have big problems. Your DH should not be shouting all the time and he definitely shouldn't be talking to your DD about you like that.

But to answer your question, no YANBU, he sounds like a pretty crap dad to me.

JustALittleGreen · 17/11/2013 19:01

Yanbu, he sounds vile.

Rosencrantz · 17/11/2013 19:02

Why are you with this man?

comedycentral · 17/11/2013 19:08

Cold & horrid man. When did he change? Any trigger?

AgentZigzag · 17/11/2013 19:10

If you say he didn't used to be like this, is it because they're less vulnerable now and have thoughts of their own they're willing to voice that he does't like?

You have a right to an opinion on how your children are brought up, he does too of course, but if you think what he's doing is genuinely going to damage them then you have to say something.

Just tell him that his tantruming won't ever stop you from saying when you think he's gone too far. I'm sure some would pick you up on contributing when you have to shout to be heard, but the alternative is that you leave the DC at the mercy of his moods.

xCupidStuntx · 17/11/2013 19:10

Oh my God he sounds like a horrible man!!

LindyHemming · 17/11/2013 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picnicbasketcase · 17/11/2013 19:14

I don't really see why you're with him. He's moody, angry, throws tantrums, blocks you out of conversations, insults you to your children and refuses to do anything to help you. What are you getting out of this?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 17/11/2013 19:16

I concur

he's a shite partner too

sorry about that x

what are you going to do about it ?

Mummytotwox · 17/11/2013 19:18

Because he's not like this all the time. He will have days where he's the best. Then he will switch. His dad is exactly the same.
Toke him doctors a few years ago, because I was convinced he had ADHD, but he didn't go to the follow up appointments because of work.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/11/2013 19:22

Doesn't matter whether it's all of the time or some of the time.

What are you going to do about it?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 17/11/2013 20:09

So you will hang on for those fleeting "good times" when he deigns to treat you decently

You do realise he should treat you decently all the time don't you ?

Your bar is set far too low. What a shame for your children to be brought up in this atmosphere. I know this, because I experienced it. My mother is still with my dickhead of a father, and he still treats her like dirt.

Ilovexmastime · 18/11/2013 04:08

Have you talked to him about his moods when he's in a good mood? Does he admit to having moods?

Spinkle · 18/11/2013 06:24

My dad was like this.

Was horrible.

When he died none of his 5 children went to his funeral.

He was a proper arsehole. Think about your kids.

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