To feel that Dh doesnt do enough to help anymore?

[BaBaBooeyFaFaFooey]

Dh finally managed to find work after almost 5 years unemployed.
Part time, but not awful pay and we were thrilled.

Dh had always been very helpful and our roles were quite equal but things have changed dramatically since he's gone back to work.

Whether its a working day for him or not I am now solely in charge of 3 school runs a day, getting all 3 dds up and ready for school in the mornings, which are stressful at best due to SN dd and her meltdowns, all housework, all washing, all cooking, all paperwork to do with bills, Dds homework etc, also all paperwork relating to DDs SN , food shopping, childcare.

I'm exhausted. I'm utterly shattered and living on about 6 hours sleep a night by the time everything is done at the end of the day which is not great for me, especially not when I'm trying to complete the statement process for Dd which is turning into a huge paper mountain
Final straw has come when Dh spent yesterday from 7am till 2am this morning out at a conference - social not work, and is now today on the PC with his headphones on just blocking everything and everyone out. This is all he ever does any more when he's off work and I'm becoming resentful of him.

I have tried speaking to him and his attitude is unless I basically write down the things that need doing and he feels like doing them he will not seek out jobs to do that could lighten my load. I just need to suck it up and get used to it apparently.

I guess really I'm wondering Aibu to be moaning and finding this so hard?

YANBU.

Sit him down once the kids have gone to bed and tell him how all this makes you feel. Ie that he doesn't give a shit about you. Ok, he's now working and is probably looking for some me time. But you also need that, and you need help keeping on top of everything.

Point out what he can do to help, and come to an agreement as to what will be done. This situation cannot continue and he is taking the piss.

YANBU. What on earth is his reasoning?!?

What are the chances of you getting a part time job for the times when he's around? That might even things up.

Talk again first,and if that fails,write down the things that he needs to be doing,and present him with the list.
And try to make them things that'll impact on him more than anyone else.
Then don't do them.

We have established boundaries in our house through bloody mindedness.
And settled into a workable routine.

So write it down with him. Go through everything that needs to be done during the week. Write down who will be resonsible for what. Put it in a place where you both will see it. Make it clear that his duties do not stop here and that there may be something ad hoc that he has to do that wont be on the list. Fixing a puncture on a bike or something. It's very supernanny but at least this way everyone will know where they stand and what's expected.

I guarantee that he's not doing it on purpose. He just doesn't see how exhausted you are (even though he should) and he doesn't see how his behaviour connects to this.

No chance of me getting a part time job, full time carer to dd.
I totally understand he's exhausted too, I just don't think he's affording me the same understanding.

Will try the list thing, and will try talking to him tonight but like he said to me, he will only do things on the list if he feels like it.

He just asked me what's wrong, I told him I'm exhausted and feel like buffering off for the day for some peace and quiet and I didn't get any response at all. He just put his headphones back on.
Feeling really bloody sorry for myself. Gah!!

Do that then. I'm serious - coat on, out door. Leave him to it.

I can't believe that he could treat someone he supposedly loves like that. Make of that what you will.

He can't be that exhausted if he works part tima and does fuck all at home.

I'd also not be shopping, cooking or washing clothes for someone who thought so little of me. He'd also be doing his fair share of parenting his own children.

OK so I'm wondering if dh is a secret mnetter....
he just came into the kitchen where I am cooking dinner, made me a cup of tea and apologised for being a twat, and said that he knows I'm shattered and that I'm doing so much for the family.

He then proceeded to tell me he will iron the uniforms tonight and make the sandwiches for tomorrow.
Suddenly feel a little less stressed

Ahhh! BaBa.

I love a happy ending!

Good on him

Enjoy your rest!

Thank goodness for that. Hope he keeps it up!!!!

I was just about to kick off with your DH until I've seen he's made amends... so well done him! Make sure he keeps it up!

Oh I will enjoy it and keeping fingers crossed he keeps it up!!

Thank you for all the lovely sound advice

Good for him! We all get knackered, but what's key is not shutting out your partner. No good ever comes from that. But a 'I will give you a lie in if you give me some computer time' conversation can only benefit both parties.

Can you afford a cleaner now he's working? Sounds like you both need a break.

I'd still be worried about his recent extreme twattishness.

Why was he being so horrible to you?

It's not enough to just acknowledge it.