Just to feel like my dp is a big child

[NoPinkPlease]

Just tell me straight.

My dp went to visit his parents this weekend as his grandad is really ill. He's very elderly and it could be the last time my dp sees him. I completely supported him going and am at home looking after our dd and ds and my step ds. One has special needs, and our kids are under 6 so no walk in the park but no problem.

My mil is clearly having a really hard time caring for her dad and is stressed and exhausted. Both times I've spoken to my dp he's been in teenage mode - gone to the cinema on his own - it's rural and needed picking up by his dad later. The second time (just now) I rang and woke him - he was having a massive lie in. AIBU to think he should be with his parents and helping in the house - doing stuff to take the pressure off his mum and at least being up before midday should he be able to be helpful. He's only there less than 48 hours. I think he's behaving like a 14 year old.

He's just told me my tone with him was bad - I've been up 6 hours with the kids so maybe IABU.

What do you think?

Some people turn back into kids when they stay at their parents. I dp when I stayed at my dads. It was great.

Its only 2 things he has done. Go to a cinema and have a sleep in. If I was at my mums or dads without the children I would sleep in too

I think that's totally fair enough if all is normal but they are going through a really difficult time. Just don't get it :-(

Different families have different expectations. Just because he doesn't always do things exactly the way you would it doesn't automatically make his way wrong.

I can see where you're coming from! YANBU

You sound (and I can only go on your posts, so apologies) resentful that he's had a treat and a lie in while you have the kids.

That's fair enough, but I'm not sure you should be wrapping it up in concern for his parents?

His parents may have everything under control, and just having their son around might well be enough for them at this difficult time.

Agree with worra... He's there to offer moral support, and that doesn't necessarily mean putting up shelves, or being where they are 24 hours a day. He may even have been taking pressure off by getting out from under their feet for a couple of hours. Don't assume all families work the same as yours.