To not know how to deal with this (help)

[MrsDrRanj]

My parents have been married 23 years and my mum has been having an affair for (apparently) the last few months.

I am very close with my mum and had my suspicions but didn't want to believe it was true but everything came to a head when she turned up at mine crying last night after my dad had seen a text and she had confessed.

My dad has been extremely ill the last few years with depression and anxiety and I'm sure he hasn't been easy to be with. My mum says she loves this other man but also loves my dad.

I am in my 20s and feel like a small child about all this. I don't know how to feel about it. I just wish it wasn't real and almost wish I didn't know.

My dad wouldn't survive on his own he's so very dependent on my mum. I can't stand the thought of DS having to visit his nan and granddad separately, and separate Christmases etc.

Maybe I sound selfish I don't know but I need someone to tell me what to do right now. I'd normally always turn to my mum for advice but this time I can't.

Poor you - what a horrible painful situation.
My ex-DH was your age when his parents divorced after his mother met someone else. He felt like a 9 year old.
It is incredibly hard - just try not to get dragged into taking sides.

Why don't you go to your mum and say "If I came to you and told you that I am in pieces and need advice because my parents' marriage is on the rocks what would you say?"

Oh no, that must be terrible for you. Firstly, I'd tell your mum she is being unfair trying to use you as support, you are as much your father's daughter as hers, it's wrong to put children in the middle of a relationship breakdown, because you are an adult doesn't make it ok.

Does she want to leave your father? It could be she's been looking for an excuse to go, this way if he throws her out, while the caring for him will fall on others, in a way its not something she has directly chosen.

It'll be hard to do, but my advice would be to do nothing. They might sort this out, they might break up, you can deal with the fall out (perhaps helping your father become more independent, don't just take over looking after him), but don't get involved now. As tempting as it is to want to take action, often in these cases, doing nothing and refusing to get involved/discuss it is the best cause of action (do not offer to talk it through with your mum, say you aren't taking sides and want to stay out of it).