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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to just feel a bit crap

14 replies

SquirrelSpit · 16/11/2013 22:17

I don't even know were to start really...dd will be one in a few weeks and it's been making me reflect on this past year and how wonderful and how bloody hard its been all at the same time.

Ex-oh kicked us out of our new house when dd just turned five months old as he decided family life wasn't for him and would rather drink and we lost everything, all the bloody furniture, all the things that make a home a home, i managed to get back the cot and our clothes but that was about it. We moved in with my v. ill DM as i was absolutely peniless and living off mat pay.

Since then i have tried to claw us back to some kind of normality, trying to save for our own place which is so much harder when we havent even the basic stuff to move out with if and when we manage it. Made all the more harder by the fact we are hundreds of miles away from friends and family other then dm and stepdad who are both quite unwell. I just feel so isolated and sad for dd that i cant provide the hapy life for her that she deserves, that we have to struggle for everything. That for her first birthday i am struggling to think of people that could come, i have my brother so far but thats about it. I see all these posts on bloody facebook with babies surrounded by people and being fussed over for their birthdays and all she is stuck with is me, and the secondhand presents i managed to cobble together. I want her to look back one day i know how special she is.

I have no one to help me with her, even just to hold her for five mins whilst i have a quick shower, and i just feel so drained and short and patience and just not good enough. The onl place really to go round here is softplay so i take her there a couple of times a week so she can have some interaction with other children. Can i ask a question...why do you all insist in coming to soft play in groups?! I feel such a tit sat there on my own with no one to talk to whilst everyones sat having coffee with their friends.

I have no idea the point of this post but AIBU just to feel a bit crap and tearful and lost? Because whenever i do get a rare phonecall from a long distance friend who asks how i am i always feel the need to tell them am great and what a wonderful time i am having. I think onl about two of them know i split up with OH. I just don't want them to know how much i am letting dd down, i dont want them to think i am a crap mother too, and i should be happy as i have dd who is the most amazing little person i have ever met, but there are days i feel like i an breaking.

OP posts:
happydaze77 · 16/11/2013 22:24

YANBU, at all. You're going through an extremely difficult time by the sound of it.

However you being VERY unreasonable in thinking that you're being a bad mother. That is simply not true. You clearly love your dd and you're doing a great job. I have a one year old and I know how bloody difficult it is.

I know what you mean about 'mums in groups'. I don't know many other mums and I feel guilty that I haven't taken dd out as much as I could have - see, at least you've been brave enough!

TheGinLushMinion · 16/11/2013 22:27

Yanbu, can I suggest you contact HQ & ask for this to be moved to relationships as I feel you'll get lots of fantastic advice & wise words from the posters over there.

TheBrocoliIsStillRaw · 16/11/2013 22:28

Didn't want to read and run. You sound like an amazing mum and your dd is lucky to have you. Sorry I don't have any good advice but I will sit and hold your hand whilst you wait for someone that does.

RedLondonBus · 16/11/2013 22:33

You aren't letting your dd down at all. You have another 17 years left til she's an adult..... Plenty of time to build memories for her.

Look on your local forum, see if anyone wants to meet up. Netmums is good for meeting new friends ( sorry)

You are doing your best and your best is good enough. Chin up!

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 16/11/2013 22:33

I'm so sorry you're feeling shitty. That's such an upheaval and what a bastard for doing that to you both. No wonder you're feeling blue. Firstly, it sounds like you are working so hard to provide for her, when she looks back in years to come that is what she will see, a lovely mummy who cared for her with all her heart. You are her whole world, she won't want or need anyone else there. And second hand presents, she won't know or care! (Better in lots of ways, when they're new in the box you can't play with them straight away cos of all the packaging and no batteries in!...)
Have you got a children's centre local to you that you could visit some groups at and meet some other mums and babies? Your HV might be able to advise you, or consider a Homestart referral to support you with getting out and about and with things at home. I admire anyone who manages on their own, you are doing a wonderful job, and are better off than with an arsehole who would treat you that way. Please don't feel crap you sound a wonderful mum.
(Oh am near peterborough if you are anywhere local by any chance and you fancy a cuppa)
X

RedLondonBus · 16/11/2013 22:34

Oh, and stay off Facebook for a bit!

DoJo · 16/11/2013 22:37

Could you give a rough idea of where you are? I'm sure there will be someone here who could at least recommend somewhere you could go to meet other parents in your position, or places which might be able to help you with getting back on your feet. If you're near me then I'll hang out at soft play with you, although I can't promise that my son will be as obliging unless your daughter likes having her nose beeped endlessly...!

Kyrptonite · 16/11/2013 22:37

I'm in Northampton if you're anywhere near there. Am on mat leave and have no friends so would be happy to meet up Smile

mrshap · 16/11/2013 22:38

Is there a local sure start near to you. Or similar.
Sounds like you doing a great job your daughter will be proud of you..

Jjuice · 16/11/2013 22:39

It sounds to me like dd is the centre of your universe. No amount of posh presents can replace that. First and foremost children need love and care and you have shed loads of that.
Be proud of yourself for pulling yourself through a shit situation. Its ok to feel crap now and then we all do. But you sound like an ace mum with a lucky dd.
Sorry not much help but I couldn't not reply

PerpendicularVince · 16/11/2013 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerpendicularVince · 16/11/2013 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquirrelSpit · 18/11/2013 22:29

Sorry for the massively late response dd has a cold and has taken to screaming if I'm not in touching distance.

Thank you all for your kind relies they made me a bit tearful (in a nice way). I live in a little village near wisbech - the hardest part beng i don't have a car and there are only 3 buses out a day, so have to be very organised, can never just be a quick trip to the shops with a nearly three hour wait till the next bus (why we end up in soft play so often)!

Its not even the second hand toys so much that bothers me but deep down i feel as thoughI'm failing as i can't offer her the life i had with two parents growing up and the future just seems so bloody uncertain at times.

I would love to make some friends round here. I love dd to bits but I've really lost myself along the way and feel lonely and in need of offload from the world from your chest chat, plus i would really love her to have some baby friends.

I worry though, i am massively socially awrkward.

OP posts:
Twoandtwomakeschaos · 19/11/2013 02:37

The best children's group we go to is run by a Church and is free and really friendly, with a great and representative cross-section of people. Having a child is a great ice-breaker, as you immediately have something in common to talk about. You don't have to become best friends with everyone you meet in order to look forward to going to a group and, over time, you will almost certainly meet some people you/your DD get closer to and who you meet up with outside of it.

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