To believe a judge will let me walk free if I Wok my DH to a pulp

[KringleCandleLover]

I've been working all day and have come home to find DH has cooked(sweet Jesus) dinner. We usually have a takeaway.

I could smell mushy peas as I opened my car door on the drive.

The sight of my kitchen nearly made me faint with horror. I have never in all my days seen anything like it. If I didn't know better, I'd hazard a guess that the Jolly Green Giant had used my splashback as a mirror to pop his cysts.

DH states its the 1st time he's cooked real(non tinned)mushy peas and I should make allowances. Yep, I agree. But the fact that my (best)pan was bubbling away, spewing a foam of green whilst he played COD is not something I can overlook.

The 3 dogs were licking the pea lava from the oven door(yes it had travelled that far) so their arses will no doubt stink later tonight.

Anyway.... Peas aside, the homemade pie and mash were lovely. Just the ticket.. I gave DH praise for his efforts.

Then I said I would begin the clean-up. DH wouldn't have it.... Said I'd been at work and to chillax. Hell, he even poured me a glass of my favourite tipple (Dr Pepper)..

What I saw next imho is unforgiveable.. He started mopping up the pea juice which had filled top my my hob with my best teatowels... 2 of them... I screamed, he jumped and banged his head on the extractor fan and said some very rude things...

Anyway, DH is now sat on the PS3 and I've cleaned the carnage..

Surely I'd walk free with a suspended sentence...

Isn't there something called justifiable homicide? Sounds like you would get off to me!

In my opinion the end justified the means.

Sure, he ruined you teatowels.

You got dinner, and he 'cleaned up'

At least he didn't use the baby's blanket to clean up the poosplosion when left in charge bitter.

My dh is the same; I love his cooking but hate the mess afterwards, and he also uses the wrong things to clean up with. It's annoying but his lovely food far outweighs the drawbacks.

I think YABU to have reacted so strongly though!

My DH does this. A couple of weeks ago he said he was going to make a lemon tart from scratch. Four hours later the kitchen was covered in every pan and utensil we own. I had to mop the floor THREE times to stop my feet from sticking to it!

My kitchen

My hob

My teatowels

And then you cleaned up the mess (despite him wanting to).

If I were a judge, I'd wok YOU and asked who made you the boss

As per sallycinnamum

Four hours later the kitchen was covered in every pan and utensil we own.

This is what I suffer. My DP is cooking now, while Ive escaped into Mumsnet land. I cant go in kitchen and look at or speak to him, I just can't. Im not optimistic that a judge would understand women's feelings on this one, which is why drawing my arm back and braining him with my heavy based frying pan (all this is in slow mo) will remain in my head only.

The food & presentation are so lovely tho, so I do forgive him really

IWBU.... I'd calmed down. Until I spotted the lamb joint defrosting on the side...

DH reckons he's cooking Sunday dinner tomorrow whilst I'm working....

I don't think fecking think so....

2 thinks.....(Stress)

A judge would understand, god help any one who messes with my Laura Ashley tea towels, they are not for use, just for show!!

Umm, Mushy peas..... can you send any leftovers my way before you wok him, thanks

Dish towels wash!!

Oh God, my DP LOVES mushy peas which are frozen. They are a pain in the arse, they spit pea juice as they are cooking, the wooden spoon that he stirs the peas with is then left on the side in a puddle of peas, and they always boil over.

Then, if the pan is left too long, it goes rock hard, i have to soak the pan for hours to loosen it up, and the wooden spoon, and the cooker top and have to scrub the worktop where the wooden spoon was resting.

I fucking hate mushy peas. HATE THEM. And they make DP's arse stink.

Whilst he was well intended, is it so very difficult to prepare a meal and maintain a clean and orderly kitchen? It takes all the pleasure from eating it if the kitchen looks like a war zone. I do get your frustration

He's sat here laughing to himself. Thinks its hilarious.

He has offered to buy me a new pan if the one he used is ruined. For Christmas. Though he hasn't yet offered to replace my teatowels. DH reckons the 'cleaning fairy' can save them.

I didn't even know we had frozen mushy peas....

DH must have been head down, arse up in the chest freezer digging around for them.

I won't be buying them again. Tinned peas all the way in future..

The dogs haven't eaten their dindins... They're either full of pea froth or on hunger strike till they get fed some more..

DH reckons he is cooking a roast tomorrow as A. I won't be here to stop him and B. It'll be a piece of piss to cook as I make it look easy...

Dear Lord...

I'm cutting the gas and electric off before I leave for work AND taking the lamb with me.

Really? Poor bloke. You sound a nightmare.

Given half a chance I'm sure he would have cleaned up and cleaned the tea towels. Presumably he can be trusted to go to the toilet on his own, hold down a job and cross roads by himself?

MrKringle if you're reading this, LTB.

I'm glad I'm not married to you. He tried his best to make you a dinner, wants you to have less to do tomorrow too, he wanted to clear up the mess, t-towels go in a washing machine.

When training animals we have a principle where we reward the try. You've not only not rewarded the try, you've done quite the opposite.

If he never tried to do anything in case he fails you'll be to blame for that.

God you miserable bunch. Op go get yourself a big glass of something fizzy and have a nice sit down. This lot will have you believing you need counselling for anger management or some such rubbish shortly. Sometimes this place goes all catsbum face.

I'm sort of laughing. And sort of sighing at DH who never ever cooks. Except for Sunday breakfast - he leaves an impressive mess, so I don't exactly nag him to cook more often than 1 morning a week.

Imagine, if you will, a DH who cooks wonderfully and then cleans up. Sighing again.

He's trying again.

The peas have gone through him and he now has room for apple crumble and custard.(I jumped up, popped my slippers on and said I would prepare).

DH is having none of it. I've never seen him so enthusiastic when it comes to ripping open a carton.

If he dares to let the Ambrosia bubble over I shall cut his cock off with the electric knife.

He has been given fair warning.

I lived with a man for 30 years who couldn't / wouldn't cook anything other than beans on toast.

I would love to come home from work to a meal prepared by someone else.

Do some people really make a fuss over tea towels?
I thought they were to dry the dishes.

Isn't it funny that we have such different values.

Lamb joint defrosting you say? Hmm, now I have an idea. I could come and cook, your DH could be my galley slave and I would make sure your kitchen was immaculate when you got home as long as I could join you for the lamb roast!

YANBU but I would love my DP to cook something other than crap for the DC and me!

I think I have the same values as others.

I did say I thanked him, as it was tasty. I was just shocked at the mess that half a bag of frozen peas created when DH eye was off the ball(and on COD).

This was intended as lighthearted. I must learn to do smiley faces and winking eyes on this Blackberry.

Oh he just wants sex.