to be jealous of people with massive family christmases

[FloozeyLoozey]

With two parent families, siblings and big extended families? Just myself and ds this year. Will probably see my dad and brother at some point but that's it. Seems very small and low key.

I would really love a low key Christmas. There will be about 30 of us at dinner, but I'll have to do most of it, none of the men can/ will cook and of course the children don't.

Don't be jealous. Big families often argue and aren't as close as they seem.
What matters is closeness and quality, not quantity.

Oh, OP, I hear you.

I would feel very sad if I was not surrounded by multitudes on Xmas Day.

YANBU at all.

Could you invite a friend who will be alone? Not the same as a huge, warm family but it might be a diversion.

I think yanbu to feel that way. I do too. But then I think that actually I see these big family gatherings through rose tinted glasses. I like to think it's not all Carol singing round an open fire with children playing with toy trains whilst grandad snores in front of the telly and parents look lovingly into each others eyes under the mistletoe. In reality I suspect its very different. Enjoy ur Christmas with your DS

no you aren't unreasonable at all. Is there any way that you can join forces with someone in a similar position plus a couple of elderly people who are local and lonely?

Don't be jealous.

Theres going to be 21 of us for christmas dinner in my DMs not-big-enough house. 2 of my DSis' don't get on, so it will be forced civility all day, DF will get narky because the children will be loud and excitable from christmas eve onwards and there will be no space to escape for 10 minutes.

Plus my house is also needed for sleeping space so my tiny house is going to be crammed full of people as well (If BIL manages to get time off he is going to be sleeping in the bathroom because every other room is full)

Iam not looking forward to it at all

I spend christmas (if not working) with one other family member and I really really would not have it any other way. It seems to me the day ends up being about greed - huge amounts of presents, insane amounts of food, etc. I like to unwind with a nice drink, some nibbles, a few laughs and NO PRESENTS. I don't have to please anyone, put up with other peoples bullshit or cook anything. A perfect day.

Lovely to be with DS though. I always felt like Christmas wasn't the same until children were around to celebrate with. (Then spent first Christmas with a very grumpy 3 month old not being able to join in any of the fun as I was constantly breastfeeding or jiggling. Sigh).
Christmas is nice with more family but most importantly with family who get along.

YANBU, exactly the same here

Sorry posted too soon. Have also spent Christmas eve with extended family screaming at each other, people storming out of the room, tears etc.
Twas awful.

I have a big family, there will be 17 for Christmas dinner at my mum's. I can't stand big gatherings, wondering whether it will be nan and grandads last Christmas, remembering who is missing, just really sad not like when we were kids, so we will have our dinner at home just the four of us and follow our own new traditions.

I think it can be quite hard. My dh used to hate Christmas before we got together - he is an only child and his dad was dead so it was just the two of them.

There are lots of ways to have a big friendly Christmas. Some friends of my family always have foreign students via the Host organisation here.

Aw, I know what you mean as I wouldn't give up our family Xmas.

However no mil - see that as a plus.

Plan some things to do during the day to make it extra special.

Open stocking, have special breakfast, play games, go for a walk, make hot chocolate, lunch, open gifts, watch some Xmas films, play with ds toys with him.

Make it the best Xmas you can with your lovely ds.

YABabitU. Large family gatherings tend to be a mixed blessing. Great for the kids, but pants for antisocial, overworked, stressed adults (me).

Last Christmas there were 11 of us (DHs family) and there was an almighty row because his siblings think its fun to wind him up knowing he suffers from severe anxiety. Soon as lunch was over we left.
Christmases when I was small were always hard work because of the mulittudes of people involved. This year will be bliss - me, DH and the 2 DC and I can't wait. IMO, for a significant number of us the big, bustling happy family Christmas is sadly a fantasy (sorry for being a miserable git!)

Every Christmas I get jealous that DP has a big family Christmas, and then feel guilty that I would currently even contemplate leaving my parents alone for Christmas.

Roll on the day when I can host in my own house and start making my own big Christmas.

All these special days are a bugger for someone.

My christmases are generally big and full of happy children and mostly happy adults. I look forward to it.

Mothers day is fine, I still have mine.

Valentine's day is bleurgh.

It doesn't matter that coupled up people are often unhappy or lonely or ignore valentines. It shoves in my face what I want but don't have.

So YANBU but you have your DS and just have to find the good things and ride it out as best you can.

Fights, chef strops, kids whinging about presents, someone in tears, a present for someone forgotton, someone offended by thoughtless gift, enforced family together-time...

I would love a big family Christmas as well, will be me and my teenagers, they wont get up until the afternoon and then will want to watch rubbish tv all day. We had the big extended family Christmas when they were younger and i loved it. My parents will be going to my sisters she has young children, and other extended family will be doing their own thing.

I'm a bit jellus, we have a small family. We all have to fly to different continents and even then it's only 11, and only 3 kids.

If no one was willing to deal with 12 hours of travel, it would be down to 4/6 people.

Swings and roundabouts innit? Think of all the fab games you and your ds can play together

OMG I can't think of anything worse than a big family Christmas. Just me and DC suits me fine.

If it really upsets you, could you join forces with another single parent/small family for part of the day OP?

I do agree with other posters that Christmas is a time for disgusting waste and greed and maybe we would all feel a lot happier if we spent it counting our blessings.

You have your DS so try to be grateful and appreciate the small stuff OP. Sometimes we spend too much time thinking about what we don't have rather than what we do have IYSWIM?

Tally yours sounds painfully like mine

You're not in Ireland are you?!

Me too, OP. Not least because I grew up with it every yr.
Now we do almost nothing, see a bit of 2 relatives of DH.
this thread has made me resolve to go see family at Xmas time next yr if I can't manage to get 3 weeks off in May. It will mean 2 weeks of jet lag, the kids still missing some school from jet lag, exhaustion and the privilege of paying £5-10k+ for all that, but would be nice to somehow see family.

We've always lived away from extended family, xmas has always been just our family unit and I love it that way.

It is special and personal to us and we spend the day how we want to, usually wearing our new jammies all day and with no pandering to other people's whims.

This year it happens that my sister and her husband & kids live down the road from us so our parents are coming down for a few days - I'm looking forward to it, but only as a one off. I much prefer it to be just us tbh. xx