To not go to my cousins wedding?

[weddingwoes123]

My cousin and I were really close as children. Since we reached adulthood though, we dont see each other or even text/speak to each other on phone. Weve just drifted apart unfortunately. I maybe see her once a year when I bump into her in our hometown when im down there despite us only living around 20 miles away.

Four days before Christmas shes getting married. We have known about it for around 4 months, but as time is getting nearer, with Christmas coming up im just really struggling to be able to financially afford to go. I would have to stay over in a hotel at the wedding which is expensive, also drinks there would be dear, and then the outfit. Its all so bloody ridiculously expensive. Also, there will be hundreds of guests there, so theyre not going to miss me are they?!

Ive told my cousin I cant go for financial reasons, and now ALL my family has thrown a major strop at me. I feel really guilty and now im feeling immense pressure to go. Also, if I dont go, will I regret it not seeing her walk down the aisle? I dont know what to do! Dp told me to tell them to stuff themselves as im not particularly close to any of them, but the guiltiness at ruining my cousins big day is overwhelming.

This "can't afford it" thing doesn't make sense to me.

1. You say she lives 20miles away, in your home town. Can't see why you need to stay in an expensive hotel ??? You go a) go back home or b) bunk down on the floor of someone who still lives nearby.
2. Clothes - why do you need new outfits ?
3. Most weddings provide drink on arrival / drink with the meal / a toast - it's not like you then "need" to go on an buy loads more drinks.

Of course, it's an invitation, which you are perfectly entitled to turn down if you don't want to go, but there's not reason why this need cost you very much at all if you actually want to go to it.

It would have been nice for you to tell her when you first knew though, not this late in the day.

I think speaking to the bride is a good idea. Phone her to say you just want to wish her well and apologise for not being able to make it to her wedding. She will accept that because, frankly, what else can she do and then you can tell your family it's all ok, the bride is very understanding.

If all your family I throwing a strop, could you ask them to chip in fo the bill, you cannot otherwise meet?

I was very close to some cousins as a child, hardly see them now, but when we do meet it's as if there's no gap at all. They matter.

Families are meant to rally round and help. Could yours?

I'm another who thinks if you can't afford it, then you don't go. BUT YABU not to have told her sooner.

How far away is the wedding? Could you drive there and back instead of staying in a hotel? You don't have to drink or buy a new outfit either.

I think it sounds like you and/or your DP don't really want to go either. If you don't want to, then likewise, don't go. I'd still think YABU not to have made your excuses sooner, but you aren't obliged to go.

Drive, go to wedding, hang around a couple of hours, drive home. Simples.

Alternatively, just attend the 'wedding'. Go to the church/registry office, see the bride and groom, attend the service, wish them well and then go home. No need to eat or drink or spend any money. And no need to dress for the evening, just wear something presentable for the service.

Then you can tell the family that you are going to the wedding.