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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To delay toilet training as I'm not ready

16 replies

Pearlsaplenty · 15/11/2013 23:46

Ds is 2.4 and his key worker suggested starting toilet training as he showing interest.

I was planning on starting when he is 2 1/2 so a few weeks after Christmas as we are going away.

I am really stressed about starting now as I'm pregnant and struggling to do much at the moment as it has not been an easy pregnancy so far.

Is it selfish and lazy of me to delay till he is at least 2 1/2, so many friends with toddlers are very keen to start tt and I don't want to discuss it with them as I worry they will think I'm being lazy. Also my dp has been working away a lot and hopefully will be home more in January so can help too.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 15/11/2013 23:51

I'm sure the key worker was just giving you a heads up rather than instructions

2.4 is young anyway in the scheme of things, and it's not necessarily an all/nothing thing, you could do things to encourage him to feel comfortable for when you are ready like getting the potty out (or whatever you're using) so he's used to it, talking/reading to him about it, letting him use the loo if you're in the bathroom etc.

The summer's the best time IMO, you can leave them to run about outside with no pants on then

Whatever's easiest for you and him is the way to go.

BikeRunSki · 15/11/2013 23:55

Meh

I left it to 2.7 because I was pg and had hyperemisis. I couldn't move without being sick, and couldn't be doing with it.

Hyperemisis cleared up around 5 months, ds was a but older and aware and the whole process took less than a week.

Clobbered · 16/11/2013 00:13

Forget comments from other people. Completely unhelpful and irrelevant. Do it when HE shows you he's ready and you're happy, not before. It will make no difference whatsoever in the medium to long term, and you will save yourself a whole load of mess and aggravation in the short term. I always preferred a quick nappy change to an accident, and never once (I kid you not) had to clear up a mess with any one of my three kids. All in nappies to at least 3. Worked for us, just saying.

Misfitless · 16/11/2013 00:19

It's not selfish - you need to do it at the best possible time for you, or it's less likely to succeed and might stress you both out.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 16/11/2013 00:21

You're being v sensible: a stressed parent doesn't make for a successful TT experience.

Strokethefurrywall · 16/11/2013 01:05

Nope, not unreasonable at all. DS was 2 back in September, I'm 21 weeks pregnant and no.2 will be arriving when DS is 2 1/2 - I considered briefly starting to train him as he was showing interest but stopped sharpish when I realised that I had neither the time nor the inclination at the moment!

I've decided to wait as long as possible and push it to well after the new baby arrives as I'll also be studying and sitting exams in June and I don't think I need the added stress of potty training!

extracrunchy · 16/11/2013 01:12

YANBU - 2.4 is still young (especially for a lot of boys) and a holiday would only put a spanner in the works.
Don't let anyone else confuse your DS while you're not ready - you need to come up with your strategy when you're ready, let them know and stick with it.
Loads of luck! (And with baby too )

extracrunchy · 16/11/2013 01:13

I should have said when you AND DS are ready.

Original poster

Pearlsaplenty · 16/11/2013 08:30

Thanks for replying. I feel bad as he is keen to be nappy free (takes it off whenever he has a chance) but is not keen to use toilet at all (I would prefer this to potty, also the toilet is very close to his bedroom and the living room). Also his language is delayed and he is only now starting to communicate his needs more clearly and consistently (saying no and nodding for yes).

I don't want to ruin things with our holiday so I will wait until that is over.

OP posts:

galwaygirl · 16/11/2013 08:36

Hi, I'm in a similar position - DD is 2.5 and shows all the signs of being ready but we are travelling a lot over Christmas and I have a 5 month old who is not sleeping at all so I'm leaving it to the new year sometime.
I think it would be unfair to DD to do it at a time where I'm not ready as I might have less patience etc.
So YANBU IMO

TwelveLeggedWalk · 16/11/2013 08:37

I hear you.
2.2 Dts here. The other day dd insisted on taking all her clothes and nappy off, so ds copied. I brought the potties out more out of panic than expectation. Dd sat on one for ages, then stood up and said 'mummy! Wee in potty!'.

I wanted to wait until summer, sob!

HandMini · 16/11/2013 08:40

Don't rush it. I tried to "get it done" quickly before DD2 arrived. I realised the all the "potty train in three days" type of advice is applicable only when your child is old enough and ready. You can't force it. And it will be a much longer process if you start before YOU AND your DS are ready. Just be clear and firm with the nursery "We're not going to start until after Christmas. I'll let you know though as soon as we're ready".

wigglesrock · 16/11/2013 08:55

I trained my dds at 2.6, 2.8 and 2.7. I've always done it when it suited me . I did dd1 when my husband had a few days off to help as dd2 was a few weeks old. With dd2 & dd3 I waited until after holidays.

Fwiw my dds always seemed wild keen - took nappies off, stripped, did happy dances at the sight of the potty, did one wee in it, then decided it wasn't for them & didn't properly come out of nappies until about 6 weeks or so later

Deadhamsterssmell · 16/11/2013 09:11

As others have said, ignore what other people think or say. It is you that has to do the potty training not them.

I waited until the summer for all of mine as it was so much easier. This meant that they were 2.5, 2.2 and 2.6. I know a lot of people who waited until their DC's were 3 as this suited them and their DC.

I couldn't have potty trained when pregnant as it meant a lot of bending down, foul smells and messy cleaning up, all of which would have made me sick.

It took my DS's 5/6 weeks before they were dry.

PMMummy · 16/11/2013 09:19

DD1 started potty training at 2.9 due to DD2 being due etc, but i did hear endless comments before that she was ready blah blah - I wasnt. She trained fab in just a couple of days. Fast forward two years and again lots of comments that DD2 should be on her potty, blah blah. And again I waited until 2.9, and again trained in 2 days.

Do what you want and what your gut and heart tell you, it's usually right. Good luck

DontAskIDontKnow · 16/11/2013 10:54

My DD, 2 1/2, started to show a real interest when I was 7-8 months pregnant. I really didn't want to do it. After a couple of weeks putting it off, we had a trial. She was great for a couple of days and then lost interest, so we stopped. When I was in labour she stayed with my mum and decided she was going to 'wear big girl pants'. She's only had 2 accidents. It was really useful DH being off on paternity leave for the first couple of weeks, so I didn't have to deal with any of it. In the end, the timing was brilliant and stress-free for me.

If you are sure your DS is ready and motivated then go for it, otherwise ignore nursery's advice and leave it till you're ready.

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