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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be getting a little stressed re family visit

15 replies

BornThisCrazy · 15/11/2013 21:43

This will probably be long but do not want to dripfeed so here goes:

I have my dParents and younger dsis (just finished uni and still living at home) coming to visit in a few weeks for a long weekend. They asked if the dates were ok with us and I reassured it is fine. I really am looking forward to seeing them as my dc adore my parents and their aunt. They ring me almost every day and we visit them regularly (every couple of months), always really looking forward to the break.

They do not come to ours as much (perhaps a day visit twice a year) because dparents are self employed and very busy working long hours etc. However since beginning of this year they have cut down due to health reasons and realise it is time to take it easy. So they, along with my Dsis, visited in the summer staying for 4 nights. It was nice and I loved the company, dc were happy too.

However my DF became a little bored by day 2 and wanted to go home earlier than planned. He is a very gentle soul and far too polite to say anything but I overheard dsis and DM discussing it. I understand he is used to keeping busy and not one to kick back and relax, but I felt so disappointed having tried my best to take them out somewhere every day despite having a young baby, no car (dh needs it for work and I dont drive anyway), and living in a place with little to do for fun. Dh was great too; as soon as he finished work he was more than happy to drive us wherever was needed.

I could tell my dsis was quite bored too by the end of their visit (she having inherited Df's restless, ants in the pants gene), and admitted that perhaps a night or two would have been ideal. (DM on the other hand was fab, and made a point to say she had come to spend time with her DD and DGC so thats what she intended to do regardless of where we went and what we did). I have been recalling their last visit past couple of days and getting myself a little stressed.

So on the phone earlier today, dsis mentioned their visit and I asked her if DF actually wants to visit, or if DM is simply dragging him along (they are inseparable), as I do not want to hear how boring it is. I think she was a little taken aback by my bluntness but I was referring to her too indirectly and perhaps she understood.

To be fair I am really struggling at the moment. Dc1 is ever so naughty more days than not, hitting the baby and so bloody cheeky, to the point that I feel relieved after dropping him off to school. Dc2 is teething and nights are terrible. All he seems to do is whinge, poo and cling to me all day and I am resentful and exhausted. Everything is a battle with him from eating to nappy changing and sleeping. My family is aware of how I am feeling and very sympathetic, and I know they will help plenty during their visit but being tje host I will still obviously have to arrange things to do. And I feel I just cannot be arsed with the stress and the worry of if they are bored or not and simply keeping quiet about it to spare my feelings.
Also I do not have any close friends in the area, and struggled socially since moving here despite trying so hard with toddler groups etc so feel quite isolated when DH is at work. Perhaps which is why it hit a raw nerve when I learnt my family felt bored when visiting me. I felt a crap host and a boring person, not great when my self esteem is in tatters already.

P.s. I just learnt my dsis is seeing some herbalist during her visit to mine. She has booked an appointment etc but has not told me. (I learnt from someone else). So I feel slightly annoyed that we are not the real reason she is coming but to see the herbalist as she was the one pushing for the particular weekend chosen. I wont mention anything as I dont like drama but I feel she should have told me?

Thanks if you got this far.

OP posts:
RenterNomad · 15/11/2013 22:25

Unfortunately, families are sometimes just insensitive twats! Grin

Can you limit the visits in future? Incidentally, maybe seeing the herbalist will "break up" the visit for your sister, and she'll stay "fresher" to deal with her duty visit! Smile

AgentZigzag · 15/11/2013 23:45

Because you're a great host and provide entertainment for your guests it means you can let the stress go about them being bored.

If they're bored they'd be like that wherever they were, it sounds as though they enjoy what they do day to day and miss the productiveness of that.

Just relax and plan what you would do with them if you hadn't heard your sister and mum talking, and let them micromanage their own boredom levels, you're not that responsible for them Smile

Amy106 · 15/11/2013 23:51

Please give yourself a break. It sounds like you are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. You can only do so much. Get through the visit as best you can and try not to worry. Good luck. Thanks

BornThisCrazy · 16/11/2013 00:08

Thanks reading your replies, have helped reassure me its not me, its them.

I do love them the silly sods, but they are so hung up on routine I think. They do not really go anywhere much due to work commitments, nor do they know how to relax and do FA. (Something I crave but Ds2 is hellbent on taking up every second of my time). Hmm actually, they sound like the boring ones dont they? Grin

I really need to work on my self esteem.

Renter

OP posts:
pandabear86 · 16/11/2013 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BornThisCrazy · 16/11/2013 00:12

Whoops clicked too soon

Renter Day visits are fine and I really dont mind them at all. Even one night visits. But this year they have decided on staying a few nights... I dont really understand why they decided to though after last time? Confused

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 16/11/2013 00:12

I'd be the same, I really can't understand how anyone can go on holiday and just lay in the sun for two weeks.

I like my routine too.

Because they're always on the go with work, perhaps being away from it makes them feel a bit uneasy and anxious, like they're out of control?

BornThisCrazy · 16/11/2013 00:17

Thanks Panda Smile I know they would be really upset if they knew I was stressing. DF especially as I am his favourite

I really dont know if I am doing a great job! Ds1 asked me if I had a cold as I was sniffling whilst getting him ready for bed Sad I am an ultra sensitive fucker (especially when sleep deprived) and hate that about myself.

OP posts:
BornThisCrazy · 16/11/2013 00:21

I think it could well be that Agent and I think its more obvious how much routine means to them the older they get. DM specifically instructs me not to start on dinner as she will do it all, or she wont know what to do with herself. I do get spoilt with her around so perhaps I should look at the positives.

OP posts:
EATmum · 16/11/2013 00:22

Would your dad appreciate a task to do? My FIL was always happiest when he had a project when they came to stay - same kind of energy I guess. Do you have any tasks he might help with?

AgentZigzag · 16/11/2013 00:24

It's better to have feelings than not feel anything, and there's nothing wrong at all with your DS seeing you upset Smile

Yes, let your mum get on with it if she's happy to do that, are there any odd jobs around the house your dad can be getting on with? Wink (if he's that way inclined)

AgentZigzag · 16/11/2013 00:25

Haha x-posts with you EAT.

BornThisCrazy · 16/11/2013 00:32

Haha it is funny you mention jobs around the house. Last time he visited in the summer I had a whole list of things! Grin DH and I are rather useless with DIY. So not much left to do.

Plus DH does not want to seem incompetent in front of his FIL (male pride and all), so has said he will get any jobs done beforehand this time round.

OP posts:
SueDoku · 16/11/2013 01:29

Sounds as though the greatest thing that they could do for you at the moment is to occupy/play with/take out at least one of the DC - and give you a rest... How would they feel about being dropped off at your nearest park/soft play (depending on weather) and then picked up in a couple of hours? Your DM would probably really enjoy it (as I do when I take my DGC out) and it would give your DF something to occupy him Smile

googlenut · 16/11/2013 08:58

It sounds like you have a lovely close supportive family. How about explaining to them that because you are so busy that it would be great if they could plan the outings while they are with you. Do they drive? With the Internet now it is not difficult to plan these things.
Also could you all meet up somewhere where there is something for everyone to do - centreparcs for example.

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