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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was an inappropriate comment to make?

17 replies

SESthebrave · 15/11/2013 21:37

DH has been away with work since Tues morning. I was working all day as usual today as DH normally picks up DD and DS on a Friday.

Today a friend (I'll call him Joe) offered to pick DS up from school to help me out. He then brought him home for 6.30pm once I was home with DD.
Joe stepped in for a few minutes and DS had obviously had a great time so I was really grateful. I reminded DS that DH was home tonight and that by the time he wakes up tomorrow morning, DH would be here. Joe commented "Oh I think Mummy's excited that Daddy's home tonight." He then looked at me and said "Just don't make too much noise with him tonight once he's home and wake the children up!"

I didn't know what to say so I just laughed it off but Shock
Even without the DC there I would have been a bit uncomfortable with the comment but AIBU to feel uncomfortable and think it was inappropriate?

OP posts:
Dominodonkey · 15/11/2013 21:40

It was a little inappropriate but just sounds like a misapplied joke to me. If your children are old enough to understand it they may have been a little bit embarrassed and if not then they wouldn't have known what he was talking about.

picnicbasketcase · 15/11/2013 21:41

He might have meant talking loudly because you're pleased to see him (optimistic)

RubyrooUK · 15/11/2013 21:48

I think he was just making a cheeky joke between two adult friends based on what your son said, which he thought would go completely over your son's head. I wouldn't give it much more thought than that.

Original poster
SESthebrave · 15/11/2013 21:48

DS is 4yo and DD 17mo so no they wouldn't have understood.

I'll try to put it down to a comment made without thinking.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 15/11/2013 21:59

It was a bit corny, but something someone might say with a wink I suppose.

Was there more to the situation that made you feel uncomfortable about him?

You just seem as though you felt a bit vulnerable being on your own with him.

How well do you know him?

RubyrooUK · 15/11/2013 22:02

...although I should add that I do always think you should trust your instincts about whether things make you feel uncomfortable. So I wasn't dismissing your feelings; I just think possibly he misjudged how well you have to know someone before you make a shagging joke.

(Although at least he made it about you and your DH shagging.)

RubyrooUK · 15/11/2013 22:03

X-post there with AgentZigZag! Smile

Original poster
SESthebrave · 15/11/2013 22:04

I know him pretty well but if I'm honest, I do often feel a bit uncomfortable around him. I can't ever rationalise those feelings though and I really think he means no harm.

I know him through a church group we both go to. He's married with 2 DC but he often talks about how he considers me a close friend. I wonder if he were female whether I would have a problem with that and if it is just the fact that he is male that I then feel uncomfortable.
I consider him a friend but not a close friend.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 15/11/2013 22:19

Someone could say that to me but because of the type of person they are and the way they say stuff I'd probably just banter back or whatever.

But if it's making you feel uncomfortable then there's either something in how he's saying it or maybe linked to what he's said before that's making your flesh crawl feel uncomfortable?

I don't think it being a man means it's different, I can think of women I know where I'd think Hmm if they started saying that.

FredFredGeorge · 15/11/2013 22:26

It was a joke, he obviously thinks of you as more of a friend that you think of him, if you're uninterested in that level of friendship maybe stop letting him do things to help you out.

Or maybe he just got it wrong - people are allowed to make mistakes.

NotYoMomma · 16/11/2013 08:23

if you say you often feel uncomfortable around him why ask him for favours or accept them?

sounds like a little joke to me, ds wouldnt know the implications.

Birdsgottafly · 16/11/2013 11:02

"DS is 4yo and DD 17mo so no they wouldn't have understood.
I'll try to put it down to a comment made without thinking."

I wouldn't say that it is a comment "without thinking", I would call it banter.

If you aren't the type of person to have banter, then you wouldn't get it. I would have banter with someone that I was close enough to, to pick up their children as a favour, male or female, married or not, tbh.

I'm in Liverpool, we have constant banter, when I go around the country, I realise that a lot of people don't, it's regional.

So it depends and

Birdsgottafly · 16/11/2013 11:04

Sorry, and only you can decide.

I also indulge in harmless flirting (and so do any of my partners I choose, that's are personality).

If it isn't you, them say something, if you are trusting your children with him, he is close enough to be honest with.

Original poster
SESthebrave · 16/11/2013 16:03

I just feel uncomfortable with his behaviour towards me. I don't mind a bit of harmless flirting but some how this is different.
I trust him completely with the DC. You're right though, in that case I should be able to speak to him about this.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 16/11/2013 16:10

It wouldn't bother me, but if it bothered you, you should say something to him.

ICameOnTheJitney · 16/11/2013 16:12

If you feel uncomfortable around him then in NO way should you be allowing him to drive your son around. Hmm

comedycentral · 16/11/2013 16:35

He makes you feel uncomfortable but you let him look after your son? Hmm

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