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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to suspect dh has just shared a room with another woman

41 replies

sarahem27 · 15/11/2013 21:34

he went on a dance wk took 3 women. we been married 27years. that is tip of iceberg. when he got home told him what a crap weekend I'd had.
Told him i find it difficult knowing he is dancing sooo close to women. he said all the right things, had a lovely cosy evening. Next morning he took his washing out the machine which i thought was odd. hung up wet clothes on airer saw him smuggle some wet clothes out to his work van.
went to wave goodbye, saw him holding up ladies vest top. Got to work, we work together, and went to his van and found my wet top. i brought it in to him and asked him y? He went white, shook, and said oh, I thought it was mine. i said y would you want to bring your wet top to work??
he had nothing to say. So i said did you think it was ow's? i used her name.
he said yes. i said how could you have been in the situation that her clothes are muddled up with yours? he said she left them in my car that he went away in. if that was the case, why wash them?? Also, he got home with all his clothes in a holdall. I am so convinced he shared a room with her.
But the big question is......if there is nothing going on with the two of them, is it OK for my dh to share a room with a twice divorced single woman?

OP posts:
SoldAtAuction · 16/11/2013 01:27

I think its time for the talk.

I am sorry you are going through such stress.

JudyJudgypants · 16/11/2013 02:32

Hi op, have you ruled out the possibility that he is cross dressing ?
its a possibility that this other woman knows about it, I say that because
if he is having an affair with her he isn't doing much to keep it secret, but the clothes seem to be quite an important part, after all if they were the other womans clothes, why would he wash them? he'd have been far more careful to keep them in his bag.
Its not the end of the world if he is.

KatOD · 16/11/2013 06:47

Something's obviously not right. You need to call him on it, it will eat you up living with the uncertainty. I hope it ends up being more innocent than it sounds...

RedHelenB · 16/11/2013 08:24

Doesn't sound as though you are compatible any longer from what you have written. Are you prepared for the fact that he is having an affair, what would you want to do about it?

Ahole · 16/11/2013 08:46

If i were you i would have got out of the car and walked back into work after seeing her go in. Pretend id forgotten something and stayed for a while for a chat and watched their behaviour.

DeMaz · 16/11/2013 08:49

Doesn't sound great TBH, OP! I think you should try and gather more evidence (if you can) and then confront him with it!

All the best x x

Thatisall · 16/11/2013 09:29

oP it is NOT ok! None of it. If he shared a room with her and nothing happened then why isn't he telling you? He's not telling you because he knows it will upset you. If he knew it would upset you, he shouldn't have done it!

If something happened then he's a twunt.

If he found a woman's too mixed in with his clothes, his obvious conclusion should be that it's his wife's, the fact that it isn't is very telling.

sarahem27 · 16/11/2013 15:23

Thank you all for your thoughts. Did sit up late and confront him.
Admits he was stupid doing all the things he has done. But doesn't want to change his lifestyle even though it leaves me behind. This morning he said i either put up with his mistakes and fun or part company.

OP posts:
Ahole · 16/11/2013 15:35

So what mistakes is he admitting to?

Why does it leave you behind? Is it a hobby or his job? If its his hobby then he's being selfish to put so much into it while you're at home with the kids i assume?

thebody · 16/11/2013 15:42

I don't know obviously if he is having an affair but I do know that he's bloody selfish to continue with a hobby that you can't now enjoy and that takes up so much of his time.

that's very selfish of him.

thebody · 16/11/2013 15:43

so you have to put up or shut up? really? cheeky bastard.

JudyJudgypants · 16/11/2013 15:59

He owes you far more of an explanation than that after all those years together !
Has he got history? you know, bit of an eye for the ladies?

KatOD · 17/11/2013 14:15

Sounds like a selfish arse. I'd stop doing anything for him (incl anything which affords him the time to "shake his thang" ie a disproportionate amount of childcare) and tell him to put up or shut up with that.

Misfitless · 17/11/2013 16:58

OP, sorry for all the stress.
What did you say to him in response to his 'put up or shut up' spiel?

anonymous13 · 17/11/2013 17:34

Hi OP - how well do you know his dance partner? If you were to write down all the things that you have told us in one long list, it would look pretty damning... What is it that your husband wants to keep going - the dancing specifically or the nights away with this woman?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 17/11/2013 17:41

He's not really your soul mate is he ?

Soul mates don't lie to each other. Soul mates treat each other well. Soul mates don't have secrets

If you mean that so far you have loved him blindly but he has not reciprocated then yes perhaps you are right

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