to ask everyone of you to do this (possible trigger)

[tinyturtletim]

There are many sad stories in the news at the moment about women tragically taking their lives as a result of post natal depression,

Most of us here know what it is like with a new born, I have an awful sleeper and suffered crippling depression after my first born

One thing that sticks in my mind is how noone ever really asked how I was it was all hows the baby/does she sleep/can I cuddle her. I think if someone asked me properly I probably would of crumbled and got help sooner.

So (I know I am not unreasonable) whereever you are, whether it is a stranger you get talking to, your sister, sil, friend whoever if they have a baby just ask..

"How are you feeling?"

It could be the question which saves a life. If women are made to feel less ashamed of asking for help and the stigma around the pressure of being new mum was lifted many more will suffer less.

I just wanted to acknowledge this. Thanks for pointing it out, you're right, I will definitely do this.

I am mostly open about my mental health issues, and have since had friends be honest with me after I've told them. Two friends have now realised that they too had PND when their children were born after listening to my experiences.

How are you feeling...? Is a great question, and something I try to ask. Although, like a PP, it wouldn't have worked on me for the first 12 weeks, as I was putting on a front and refused to crumble.

I think aswel we need to pick up other signs,

If the person is usally very well together, takes pride in their appearance however becomes different I would look for signs, for example

I used to wear make up every day, after dd1 I stopped wearing make up, I couldn't be bothered to get dressed properly, I never cleaned up more than I had to my dh noticed these things.

A person who is broken on the inside will be desperate not to feel the way they do, pushing the question of howthey are getting on may be the lifeline they need to bring the emotion to the surface.

I Personally and some may not agree, would rather annoy someone by keep asking how they are and get it out of them than let them suffer alone.

I don't think there is a single mother (or father) out there who can honestly say they found the transition of becoming new parents easy

I considered taking my own life, in May. DD was 8 months old. I nearly died giving birth to her and felt completely abandoned by DH in the days afterwards. Cue awful depression.

I sought help by making an appointment at a counselling centre. However, when I got there, the centre had closed down as they had fallen behind with their rent. I just burst into tears. The guy who lived next door to the centre saw me and sat me down in his front garden and asked me what was wrong. I told him. He cancelled the meeting he was going to and stayed there with me in his front garden, listening to my sorry tale.

Then he gestured towards the closed down centre and said: "How can they help you? They can't even help themselves!!!". This made me laugh so much and was a real turning point. And 6 months on, I'm more or less fine.

I will be forever grateful to that man.

So yes, please just ask "how are you feeling?". You might just save someone's life. This also goes for teenagers and other vulnerable people who might be having a hard time.

Remember to ask those who have ill relatives too, and those who are carers for other family members etc.... my MIL opened up when I said to her "It must be hard for YOU seeing the man you love go downhill so fast - how are YOU coping?" .... no one else had asked her - because she is always a bit of a trooper.... she felt so grateful to have someone she could talk to about the downside...

Please stop saying about making it less of a stigma. You are just perpetuating it. Say it is a disgrace that it is not more understood and that we all owe it to ourselves, each other and our future generations to care more.

We need more normal mums around, on tv. Celebrities who are back in size 6's seconds after having their baby and at work the following month don't help.

We need to be our own best friend and to see other women as on our team. Not competing against each other to see who wore their jeans first and who had sex the soonest.

If I had had MN I know for sure I would not have been as poorly as I was and might even have managed to have my babies without any depression. I can't remember so much of their early lives and it makes me so sad. If I hadn't kept a dairy diary there are things I would never know I did.