...to be in tears about a stupid (and pointless) lottery conversation

[Punkatheart]

...with friends. Daft 'what would you do with that 80 million' conversation. My first thought was that no one needs that much money. Another lady quite aggressively said that whoever won it must give half to charity. I said that my first thought - with the situation I am in - would be to get a house. We are being forced to sell ours by my ex, I am extremely ill with lymphoma at the moment and my daughter has some very serious mental health issues. I am full of worries and I now have some tumours that needs investigation. Another PET scan, more biopsies - in a decade of horrible treatment and then my other half leaving - my first priority is to get a home. I then said that maybe a small bit of land with some animals. I had not mentioned about giving money to charity - not because I wouldn't do it - but because we are in such a sad place - my daughter and I - to have the security of a home would be enough.

They laughed at me and said I was unambitious and selfish for not wanting to give to charity first and foremost. They then walked away - back to their husbands and safe homes - I went home and cried my eyes out. It seems such a simple thing but we have so much crap coming in from all angles, I just want a home.

I know I am being silly and I should have lightened up and had a light, fluffy conversation about fancy cars and houses etc.

Life seems uphill at the moment. I was being daft, wasn't I?

Thank you all so much - your lovely words have helped. A lot. I did win the lottery. Just over £2. I gave £1 to a man rattling a tin at the Co-op. I bought a half price lasagne with the rest.

I like your thinking Judy. A male escort, eh? Sounds divine.

They don't sound much like friends to me :(

As for your ex, he sounds like a wankbadger. I hope something really good happens and you & your DD can have the security you both need. It is really sad you are both ill and yet he is insisting you sell the house... heartless bastard.

With friends like that who needs enemies - idiots!
I hope life in general improves for you OP.
I have conversations with people in work about hypothetical winnings sometimes and will admit that I was taken aback when no-one said that they would give anything at all to anyone else, out of £124 million! However, I would be the first to admit that the FIRST thing I would do would be to make sure that my immediate family and friends were sorted out, and frankly wouldn't worry about donating to main line charities anyway.

If they know what you are going through then they are insensitive, thoughtless, uncaring cows.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Not worth crying over though, it really isn't.

Would you feel better by writing a letter/email and then deciding whether to send it or not? Taking action against people who have hurt your feelings can help you feel less frustrated.

As I say, you don't have to send it but it might help to get it out

punkatheart, they're idiots.
i've thought about you often since I first read about your circumstances.
if you win the eighty million, buy whatever house you want.
as daughter and I say, 'may you have it on a plate. with jam on it'.
tea and cake. tea and cake.

I think the worst you could accused of was being a bit daft for letting them get to you.
They however were mean and insensitive.
Your priorities are your priorities and I say spend your £80m however you like

WTF possessed them to be so bloody unkind and self-aggrandising?! It doesn't even sound as though you could be making them feel insecure, what eith all the horrible things happening, so that makes them bullies.

No wonder you cried!

yanbu - of course the first thing would be to get your family sorted with house and all. The others are being untruthful with saying they'd give to charity before thinking of themselves. You spoke the truth. I'm sorry for what you are dealing with

My daughter said to me today 'The universe really doesn't like us, mum.' But I told her that it would be OK. Look at all the lovely people in the world - like the supportive people here who have been so kind.

Thank you, Rabbit. I like cake. The best thing about cancer (and I mean this in a dark insider way) is that I can eat what I like and never get fat. The weight is falling off me at the moment. Although I do know that is not a good thing. But I do like food, when I can be bothered.

YANBU at all! Do you have other friends cos this bunch sound bloody awful tbh.

Funnily enough I was only thinking the other day what I'd do with a massive win, and I would sort out the 'me' stuff first, because I'd want to take time over who/what to donate to rather than just chuck it at the first charity that came to mind in the name of being a do-gooder.

I have lovely friends but this bunch were just in that sort of mood - I am a sensitive soul and sometimes, things really get to me. But tonight my daughter is staying over with someone and I have had two glasses of wine, my chemo shot and two paracetamol (for the pain - which I am told to do with the shot). It's probably not very advisable but hey, I have lived a good and healthy life and got cancer - so sod it.

I think fantasy and dreams are good sometimes. They help, don't they?

If it was just an off day then hopefully one or more of them might realise how upsetting their reaction was and apologize.

I think daydreaming is a great thing, especially if RL is being less than kind.

Those 'friends'were thoughtless and tactless. If you won 80 million you spend it on what the bloody hell you want, you deserve it and don't give anything to them!

They've never had to deal with uncertainty like you have. Theyre lucky. Best wishes to you and your daughter.

Thank you all again for your kindness, straight-talking and wisdom. I have always come to Mumsnet for that. It is hard sometimes not to feel angry and distressed by my situation. I don't feel I am well enough to be a great mum to my daughter, who is going through such serious issues with depression, paranoia and hallucinations. I shake when I think about moving house - the energy it takes, the uncertainty. Stability - that's what we need.

I wish I was a wizard.

Having Money worries is so bloody stressful. If I was imagining how I'd spend my imaginary 80m I admit donating half to charity would be my first thought. Because it's IMAGINARY. And a DAYDREAM. She's a supercilious wee trout with NO imagination at all. And I don't think it's unambitious to want to own a house.

AND your actually have giving away half of your previous lottery winnings...wonder if she has?!

I appreciate I'm probably now just as pissed off on your behalf as you are!

Wouldn't. WOULDN'T be my first thought. Ooops!