To think he should have helped me out?

[SmugAndSanctimoniousArsehole]

My Cm booked a day off today, ages ago, so I took a days annual leave.

We had a big restructure at work this week and lots going on. I asked if they rather I came in, and the consensus was that yes, if I could that would be great but that it wasn't expected.

I've only been there a couple of months and was promoted fairly quickly, I am really trying to prove myself there and make myself indispensable, sort of thing. I have lots of stuff to do today and had to leave copious notes for my team.

Anyway, I asked around and my mum was going out early but she said that my dad would be around. I asked him if he could have ds2 until lunchtime and he said no, he was going out. Fair enough, no real harm done, work are fine with me having the day off, it just means that I haven't gone the extra mile.

So, day off, I popped round to see my dad this morning, he kept making noises about going out but made no move to (nothing to do with me being there, we are in and out of each others houses and he would have just gone if he needed to). We stayed a couple of hours, came home, all fine.

He's just posted on FB that he's just leaving now. It's half one! I would have picked ds 2 up from him an hour ago!

Now, I know it's completely up to him to say no, but I feel a bit upset and let down. For context, he had my nieces last week while they were ill so my sister could go to work.

Aibu? Come and slap me if so, or say comforting words to soothe my distress. Or something.

Also, my cm is on a term time only contract which means she doesn't (shouldnt) take days off in term time. She is my sister though so when she asked, of course I said yes.

Yanbu. He could have said no but maybe he felt uncomfortable to say so? I know it isn't right but are your nieces easier to manage taking care of?

They're not, they quite a handful. And he has had ds2 before and enjoyed it. I just think he had his day planned and couldn't think further than that.

I just feel really pants about it, the whole thing. Having to have the day off, the whole up in the airness at work, and then my dad not helping when he could have.

I'm all grr.

:(

Next time it's worth seeing whether you have alternative childcare before raising it at work. Your dad may just be getting annoyed that your mum keeps volunteering him for childcare duties.

I didn't make any promises at work, I said I'd find out if I could come in. There's no real harm done, it's just that it would have been better all round if I could have gone in for a couple of hours to sort out some stuff.

I know I'm being a bit unreasonable, really. But it has upset me quite a lot.

Can you bring it up with him ? I would tell him your hurt he can help others but not you

I think you need to change your expectations really to avoid feeling let down in future.

It's fine to ask parents for help with childcare, and it's great when they say yes. I don't think anyone has any right to expect help from their parents past the age of about 18 tho. He said he couldn't do it because he was going out and that's that. It's not for you to question really.

I will mention it, but in a jokey fashion. He's lovely, my dad, he really is. He would have just said no because he was focused on going out this afternoon.

If I was asked to help someone, I would have thought about how I could do it and probably tweak my day in order to help. I know I shouldn't expect others to do the same, but it just hurts a bit that if he'd wanted to help he would have thought, well I'm not going anywhere until half one so of course I can have him until half twelve. Instead of just saying a flat no.

I also asked my sister as she's off work today, and she said no. No reason, just no. And of course my other sister is my Cm and she's off on a jolly.

I'm just feeling a mite unsupported. Wah wah wah.

I know, and I wasn't expecting help. I was fine with the fact he couldn't, I'm just hurt because he said he couldn't because he was going to X event, and X event wasn't actually until this afternoon.

Tbh if he'd said, nah I don't want to, I'd probably be all right with that.

If you popped round to see your dad for a couple of hours, presumably this stopped him doing the things that he would otherwise have done in those 2 hours? So hence his whole day was pushed back. I can quite see that he may have wanted and planned to go out earlier but not been able to. Not sure why you would pop round to see him anyway if you thought he was going out tbh ... let alone stay so long.

But you're not unsupported - you had the day off work arranged - it's not like you were really dropped in it & had to find emergency childcare. You would have liked to have gone into work so you were seen to going the extra mile.

Nope. I popped round to see my visiting uncle, not necessarily my dad, while we were there he went off to get dressed/ready, had a leisurely breakfast, several cups of tea. My sister came round with her two, my mum and other sister were there until they went out. I wasn't stopping anyone from doing anything.

He was going to a specific event (with my uncle) that isn't until late this afternoon, he left at 1.30.

It doesn't matter, really. I'm just having a whinge. And if it was emergency childcare someone would have done it. I did ask him when the day off first arose and he said he was busy, so I took my last day of Al to cover it. I will just suck it up and stop morning.

"She is my sister though so when she asked, of course I said yes."

Surely that's the problem, if anything is?

Not really, she asked and I said yes. And a few weeks ago when she asked it was no problem at all. But then the last week at work as been huge, with massive changes and job losses and all sorts and it was only yesterday that I thought it would be any sort of a problem to be absent.

I'm sure it's fine, but it's a bad day to have missed, really.

There wasn't really a problem, then was there?

Work didn't ask you-you offered.

You had booked the time well in advance.

When you asked your Mum/Dad/Sister if they could help-did you ask in an "it's OK if you can't way".

Or a "I really do need your help" way.

I did ask in an 'it's ok if you can't' way.

So really I'm a massive dickhead and should stop moaning.

I only posted really because I had JUST seen my Dad's update about just being off out and thought wtf?

I hould be more assertive about asking for stuff if I really want it. Mea culpa.

Oh that's not always easy, is it?

Plus I guess you're hoping that GPs will jump at the chance?

If there's anything I've learned on here it's ask directly & don't hint, & don't expect free childcare from GPs!

YABU.
Your children, your responsibility.
Firm but fair?

Hmmm....maybe he didn't feel comfortable having him alone without your DMs help?

But I agree with a PP that you should have made sure you could secure alternative childcare before offering to go in.

YANBU - I can see where you are coming from - but your DF was not being unreasonable either.

How old is your ds2. Perhaps it is time to look for a nursery place for him and ask the family if they will help for days he is unable to go to nursery ie. if he is unwell.

If he was getting ready while you were there and enjoying his breakfast then he couldn't have done this at his own pace with a (presumably) pre schooler in tow? All our parents are still working so never help with childcare but my dad would manage my school age DS much easier than my toddlers.

Look at it this way, you got to see your uncle and spend the day without DS.

No one is indispensable at work sadly, and I've never known many employers acknowledge the extra mile (disclaimer: I may be bitter, married to a workacholic!)

Why did you pop round to spend the morning with your Dad when he said he couldn't babysit as he was going out? He was probably just sitting there waiting for you to leave!