To wonder if I'll ever have a life again

[xCupidStuntx]

This time last year I was working mother in a long term relationship with a decent enough social life, now I'm am unemployed stay at home single mother.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for my time at home with DD (2), I've learnt so much about myself and grown such a strong bond with her but there's absolutely nothing else going on in my life. When I'm catching up with friends around the world that's when I realize my life has come to a complete standstill. Monday to Friday it's just the two of us, I bring her to mother and toddler groups, play centres etc and I love it for the most part but I'd just love some adult company and not many of my friends have children yet (in fact, I don't have a huge amount of friends anymore!)
I bought my little two bed outright, rather than get something bigger with a mortgage, solely so I would have the freedom to spend some time with DD or go to college when DD starts school in two years.
Myself and ex (have remained really good friends) usually do something together with DD at the weekends but really if I had plans or things to do I could do them freely at the weekends, but I don't actually have anything to do, there don't seem to be courses or anything at the weekends or maybe I'm just not looking properly.
I've got no family besides my dad but he isn't in the best health and has his own relationship, other girls/women my age (26) seem to have bustling social lives and the truth is I don't want crazy nights out anymore I'd just like a couple of good friends in a similar situation or a hobby or something that's just mine outside of my role as a mother.

I'm usually a really positive person by the way and I'm not feeling all woe is me, I just feel I've let my life get a bit stale and I'd love to hear stories from people who were once in similar situations and turned it around or just any general advice would be great!

Any chance of making friends with the other parents at toddler groups and doing things with them - taking the kids to the playpark, swimming, child showing at a cinema, going for lunch/picnic in the summer etc - although the activities are still child centered, you get some adult conversation and it can be easier with two folk (taking it in turns to get dressed after swimming etc).

Plenty other mums, single or not, will also be missing adult company and will jump at the chance of doing something with you.

Your single friends might be willing to have an evening in at yours - meal and a movie/chat/etc after the little one is in bed.

What kind of hobbies have you had in the past, or which ones do you look at and think you'd like to try? Something sporty? (either a club, or just find someone else willing to do a challenge like couch to 5k with you), crafty - lots of groups or classes and it gives you something to do in your spare time between classes, a book group, writing group, choir etc. Is there a skill or activity you'd like to learn? Look at evening/lesuire courses available at your local college - there will be all sorts, art, cooking, diy, technology etc. Or you could even do an evening class in philosophy or a language that could get you a qualification.

Since you are on good terms with your ex, he should be willing to have DD while you go to a new class or club if he isn't working. If its not possible then you could get a babysitter. :)

OP, I'm 25 and the only one amongst my small group of friends with a child. My social life is now a lot different and it took a while to adjust. But I'm happy now to see friends for a cup of tea once every fortnight. My best friend I only see once every two months as she works Mon-Fri and I work a day at the weekend so it's hard to meet up unless it's organise well in advance. Keep up with what you're doing. Going to the toddler groups. I hated going at first and didn't go for months, then one day I went and miraculously there were people my age there! I now have two people to met up during the week, one is a nanny and the other a mum. I'm not close enough with either to consider them friends eg I wouldn't call them if I had a problem, but they're good people to meet up with over coffee, have chit-chat, and get some adult company. And great for DS too.

I do sometimes miss the company but I love being home with DS for most of the week. You will find new friends. It can take time but eventually you'll click with someone at these groups. Where abouts in the country do you live? Maybe someone on here could suggest some good places for you to meet people.

YANBU to feel a bit lonely or that you need to do things out of the "Mum" label, but you can do something about it :)

Could your ex take DD one night during the week so you could do a course or a hobby?

Is she going to start nursery soon?

Could you do an online course? It's not just the OU now, even places like Oxford have lots of online classes that don't even cost much, and there are more and more international options that are completely free.

A number of years ago I felt pretty bored with life (although this was pre-DC) I solved that by volunteering at a place that led to a part-time job that led to me going back to school, which completely turned everything around.

If you could get some time to yourself each week, you could start doing some things for yourself now so that by the time DD starts nursery/school you can jump right into something that interests you.

You sound like me 15 years ago. I was alone with my DS - bugger all money, no family, out of touch with my childless friends. The highlight of my week was toddler group - which was nice, but that was it.

I used to despair that my life was effectively over.

So having come out the other end - I can 100% tell you that, yes, you will "have a life" again. You have my personal guarantee on that.

It will get easier as DD gets older. Once she gets to reception, there's a social life that builds up around that as she starts to make her own little friends. Then you'll finally have some time for you - get a job, go to college, whatever you want.

This is just one phase of your life - you have so much more of it to look forward to :)

Thanks so much everyone, reading your messages really cheered me up. I'm just having one of those days but also realising I have to live too, even my dad said that to me today!
I've just been looking up Saturday workshops, courses etc and they're all quite expensive! I'd love to volunteer and I was down to start in childline (Oh I'm in Ireland by the way) but I couldn't commit to the hours as DD's dad works full time and it's a bit of a commute so he wouldn't be here until half seven or half nine most days depending on his rota.
My dad said today that if I wanted to meet a friend for lunch etc he won't mind looking after DD, just have to find friends now Haha

It's my fault too though, I really neglected friendships as I was always working and was looking after my mam when she was dying then had DD just before she died so I haven't actually made much time for friends which isn't fair to expect to slot back in and it's been so long we've all moved on into completely different directions. One good friend who loves spending time with me and DD is finishing up in work this month so that's something, and she invited me out to her housemates birthday last weekend actually, but of course I didn't go! I think I've realised I really need to make an effort, people won't flock to me.

As for hobbies, God I don't even know what I enjoy anymore. I need to get fit so maybe I could join a gym and use it on Saturdays and Sundays. I was great for going after I had DD even though I worked full time, it's funny, when time is limited I think you do a better job of slotting everything in!

You've all given me loads of food for thought thanks