Wwyd - sons assembly tomorrow

[clpsmum]

Last year my son had a line to say in his school nativity. He was so nervous he rushed through it and mumbled it and nobody could understand him.

That afternoon his teacher called me in and in front of him started saying he needs speech therapy, nobody can understand him etc etc. the next morning when he was due to do the nativity again he developed a sore throat and needed the day off. He was fine but obviously his nerves made worse by what teacher had said. I let him have the day off and told the school why.

Tomorrow he has his class assembly. He has a line to say that he's been practising and been very confident and doing great. Tonight however he starts crying he's too scared to do it. He feels sick , has stomach ache etc. he's up in bed now and I can still hear the occasional sob. I honestly don't know what to do for the best??? Please help

can you encourage him?tonight do some more work on his line?

get him some speech and drama lessons (not before tomorrow, obviously) to boost his confidence generally.

i thought you were going to ask 'shall i take the day off work to go' and i was going to say 'yes'.

but this is harder. do help him to go through with it if you can. i suffer from anxiety and often find i hide rather than do what needs to be done. its no way to live. get him some coping strategies.

Ah bless him. Tell him he doesn't need to do it to take the pressure off him. I'm assuming he's only young. I'd maybe tell the teacher that you think what she said in front of him has made him nervous. Alternatively tell him he can do it but he has to speak slowly. Also it might help if he can focus on one person in the audience that he trusts that he can almost just be saying it to her. You could boost him up for this but you don't have much time so it might be worth cancelling this performance but focus on other ones when he's more confident. If you can make sure the teacher praises him up to the skies if he does manage to do it tomorrow that would be good. I would go up to him now though and have a little talk that it's not that important in life so no need to get upset and that you love him anyway and he's not letting anyone down so he's not to put himself under any pressure as it really doesn't matter. Hope he's ok.

Can you encourage him to forget everyone else, and to say the line in assembly just to you. Say that you will be there and will be very very proud of him if he can say it - doesn't matter how loud, you will know what he's saying. I'm a great believer in bribery too. Offer him a huge prize if he can stay in assembly and deliver his one line?

Or would he be up for the old trick of imagining all of the audience naked??

how old? at our school the teacher or TA would crouch beside that child and say their line with them. or they stand in groups of 3/4 and all speak together.

I really do not think that missing school or asking him to be excused from doing it is a good thing to start on because that teaches him to run away from everything that is hard or challenging.

definitely a treat after school tomorrow though

Feel the fear and do it anyway.... Sometimes helps to know that everyone gets nervous and that you can work through it.

I would encourage him to see it through or you may well be re-enforcing it even further to be horrible and scary and terrible. Could he have something with him to hold, or a friend to stand next to him when he says it? Will you be there? Could you sit right at the front?

The teacher should not have said that in front of him, it should have been in private and you need to tell her so.

It shouldn't matter if no one understands his line in the play or assembly, emphasis is on taking part, especially if he's nervous of it. At that age participation should be the only goal for more anxious children. Perhaps encourage him to say it quietly, it's better that not at all!

DS1 cried all the way through the reception nativity, his teacher wouldn't let him off stage as it was 'character building'
In yr 1 he was so so scarred by the experience he wouldn't join in. I sat with him and he held a prop up in the air (well I did, as on the day he was too scared).
In yr 2 he was petrified, but his teacher gently helped him around the stage and by the end he was almost singing in his little trio.
In yr 3 and 4he joined in the group song with no help.
In yr 5 he got a main part, people couldn't believe it was the same child as he sang a solo.
In yr 6 he got the lead role.

I think, that if he had been let off the stage in reception, and then not forced to do anything in yr1 he would have got over his fear a lot earlier on, rather than being traumatised for so long.
Personally, if your son doesn't want to do it, I wouldn't make a big deal about it and let him off. Unless you can be sure his current teacher will be more supportive than the one last year.

I like the idea of children saying their lines together - OP could you suggest to the teacher that a friend do it with your son? Someone confident enough to do it on their own if necessary, and let your son know he doesn't have to say the line to take the pressure off.

I was terrified of public speaking at school and I never have grown out of it. If there is a talk or whatever that I need to do, I will stress about it to the point of feeling ill from the moment I know about it until it is over. I don't think being really worried and then not having to go through with it because of the worry, would have helped me. It probably would have reinforced that I was right to be so scared. Doing it with someone else, being able to read aloud, having lots of opportunities to speak in front of small groups regularly, would all have helped.

pushing a young does not help them overcome their fear it often just makes the problem worse no child should be forced into performing or public speaking is not a necessity in life

if he can speak out in class this is what is important not standing on a stage so the school puts on a good play, these fears can manifest and make childrens fear speaking out at any time worse

do not let the school push him like they are and really the teacher should never have said about your son not being understood in front of him. if he does need speech therapy this is a different issue, but there is nothing wrong with him not wanting to have all the attention on him and having to perform

How did he get on clpsmum?

He got on great! Although I did bribe him with the promise of a new wwe figure!!! I was so proud of him. He stood up with his head held high and spoke in a very clear manner was ridiculously proud of him and he was very proud of himself too. Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom xxx

Hurrah! So pleased for clps!

DS2 is a very strong willed little character with lots of random fears and hangups. However, bribery has always won through in the end.

Awww.

That's lovely

So glad to hear your news. You must be very proud.