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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Date Night

37 replies

BigPawsBrown · 14/11/2013 00:24

Now, when I got out with my DP I just call it going out, because he is someone I like to spend time with.

Wtf is Date Night all about? Even my cousins in their twenties use it. It makes it sound like you're in an ailing loveless marriage/is reserved for Facebook gloating. STOPIT.

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/11/2013 00:26

It's a really funny film though.

Mylovelyboy · 14/11/2013 00:27

OMG. I thought it was just me that thought that saying is completely wanky silly.

Original poster
BigPawsBrown · 14/11/2013 00:29

The film was good.

Date Night, usually accompanied by an Instagram of a glass of wine and a candle Confused

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/11/2013 00:31

Yes would be more amusing if someone Instagram'd a Cupasoup and a wanksock and uploaded it as "date night".....

Original poster
BigPawsBrown · 14/11/2013 00:33

Grin Date Night, sainsburys basic pizza and a quick go in missionary position Grin

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/11/2013 00:35

All Instagram'd - infront of a 3 bar electric fire. With the dog sat next to you. Upturned Lambrini bottle on the carpet. Slippers akimbo.

Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 00:35

Date night can be a good thing though.

If you are knackered parents who have somehow found that your life revolves around the kids, work, the house etc then "date night" means you are putting aside time to spend just with the person you share those things with.

Its just a phrase that means "our time". Get a baby sitter, get a taxi (no need for the "its your turn" driving argument) , spend a bit of money going somewhere nice and focus on each other. It is so easy to lose sight of why you are together, but having a date night means that for one evening a week/month/year you are focussing on that.

And also, "date night" can be used as short hand for "if you call/text/Fb/Tweet etc me then dont expect me to answer as I will be otherwise engaged!"

PS I would say that if date night is "live" accompanied by photos and constant updates then it doesnt count as a proper date night.

Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 00:37

On the same vein though, when did going out with someone become dating? And is there a difference? To me "going out" implies exclusivity and dating doesnt.

Original poster
BigPawsBrown · 14/11/2013 00:38

I do understand the principle/importance, just think it's become a wanky gloaty I'm-in-a-smug-Instagram-relationship sort of phrase.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 00:38

Far too many """"""" sorry!

Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 00:39

Well in that case you can cheerfully ignore them, as a proper date night involves no updates whatsoever!

WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/11/2013 00:43

But the couple that I know doing date night are in their 20's like Paws said. They are newlyweds and live in a cosy new starter home with no kids and a cat.

Surely it's just "nipping out to Nando's together".

They are my cousins too - I wonder if we are related?

PawsDo they have files upon files of photos on Facebook titled "Kavos two thousand and whatever" consisting of dozens of pictures of them standing by the hotel room door in every evenings "going out" outfits???

Original poster
BigPawsBrown · 14/11/2013 00:44

People seem to use date night with their husband though, where exclusivity isn't really in question. And in my experience it is usually young childless people who shouldn't really need to impose a date night or call "going to the cinema" "date night!"

OP posts:
Original poster
BigPawsBrown · 14/11/2013 00:48

YES santorini 2013: bikini, kaftan, pose with hat, pose with hat and cocktail, post in bathroom with sunglasses on...

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 00:48

I dont know though.

If you are young and childless then you have no childcare issues so will have friends assuming that your socialising time isnt precious. Saying you are on date night means that you are focussing on your relationship and that is just as important whether you have kids or not.

Date Night could be the equivalent of Do Not Disturb on a hotel door handle!

Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 00:54

In fact, thinking about it, you are more likely to neglect your relationship when you have no children because no one gives you a break!

Work expects 100%, friends what to see you, family want to see you, hobbies demand your time and of course you take for granted that you will always have time during the week/lie ins etc. When you have children and say "Sorry, I cant this weekend" then they are more likely to understand the lack of time. With no kids you dont get that.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/11/2013 00:54

Oh lord Grin

WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/11/2013 00:55

And drop the hip....with cuff and clutch bag....?

Joysmum · 14/11/2013 01:29

It doesn't bother me what it's called but it's a good thing for anyone in a relationship to have time together to woo each other and remember why they are in love.

IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow · 14/11/2013 14:00

I don't know about the name doesn't bother me though, however I agree with meaning of it.

A night where you both put anything else aside and just do something that you both enjoy. Dinner/ cinema/ bowling etc if you can get a babysitter. Takeaway/ film whatever if you cant.

Just as important if you don't have kids too.

Other things are very easy to get in the way I think. Its a nice idea.

In fact DP has no shift tonight, so when he gets in from day job, am going to suggest we find a recipe and cook it whilst drinking a bottle of cheap Wine

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/11/2013 14:09

I agree, OP, it's totally cringey.

A friend asked me the other day if DH and I had "date nights" and I was Confused

We enjoy spending time together and see one another EVERY night after the kids go to bed (unless one of us is out).

Contrived "date" nights seem unnecessary.

The idea of childless couples doing it is ridiculous.

If you need to put that much "work" into your relationship when you have nothing to stop you doing whatever you please, then you have a problem.

CuChullain · 14/11/2013 14:09

I agree the name is bit cringeworthy but I think it serves a useful purpose. Its easy to get into a predictable routine during the week or month so it is nice to set aside an evening where you both make the effort to do something different and show your appreciation of each other.

Bogeyface · 14/11/2013 14:26

Join but it is precisely that sort of "I see you everyday, it shouldnt be work" attitude that puts relationships at risk.

By taking a marriage and spouse for granted like that you really do run the risk of undervaluing it. By making one night every so often a special night it shows that you care. Date nights are about not forgetting why you are with someone, why you love them and putting the day to day to one side to focus on each other for a change.

It isnt work to spend time together and make point of turning the TV off, talking and reconnecting, and the fact that you think it would be is quite sad.

FriendlyLadybird · 14/11/2013 14:30

We have date nights. As the children get older they are around more and more later into the evening. If DH and I are to have time alone together we have to plan it.
We had a date night last Friday. We didn't go out but DH spoke to the children, said how important it was to us, and asked if they would go upstairs and leave us to it. They did! We had a takeaway and a bottle of fizz and watched a film -- and laughed A LOT. It was great. No instagram updates though.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/11/2013 14:39

"It isnt work to spend time together and make point of turning the TV off, talking and reconnecting, and the fact that you think it would be is quite sad."

Oh no, fake MN pity :o

The point I'm making is exactly that - that you don't need stupid "date night" to turn the TV off and play a game or make something together.

It doesn't need to be a "special" occasion. You can just not take each other for granted at all.

"As the children get older they are around more and more later into the evening. If DH and I are to have time alone together we have to plan it."

Yeah, this I can see.

My kids are still small, so on schoolnights they're all in bed by 7.30, 8ish on weekends. We have plenty of alone time and we make the most of it.

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