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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want a free ticket to a ball?

50 replies

Housemum · 13/11/2013 19:18

DH has a job where corporate entertainment is a part of it. He has been asked to go to a charity ball as some other couple dropped out - he asked if I wanted to go and I said I didn't want to (I'm going out for the day with DD2 the following morning and I know it will be a pretty long day so I thought that would be the end of it)
Apparently no one else is available to go, and I have to go as it would be bad form otherwise - I did suggest he could just say that I'm ill (we live miles away so no one will be any the wiser). The whole thought of squeezing myself into a dress that doesn't fit fills me with dread (can't afford to buy a new one so have to find one from a work do many years back when I had an office job) and he knows that I do not go to these events as I hate making small talk and being surrounded by people who are more glamorous/thin/well off than me. Also, DD2 is excited by her day out on the following day and will be a nightmare for a babysitter to get to bed so I will spend my time worrying that she will be a tired ratbag the next day. I just do not want to go and DH is in a total foul mood saying that it is really bad form as these tickets have been paid for an an empty space looks bad - I never said I wanted to go or that I would go!

But IABU I am sure as it is free except for paying for raffle tickets so come on and heap the guilt on even more...

OP posts:

RevelsRoulette · 13/11/2013 19:27

Well, clearly you don't have to. What's he going to do? Drag you there?

I wouldn't go to something like that, I really wouldn't. Not if I felt as you describe.

Can't he ask a friend to go with him?

QuintessentialShadows · 13/11/2013 19:28

Can he find another date for the evening? Maybe a female colleague, seeing as it is a work event that he has to go to?

Original poster

Housemum · 13/11/2013 19:32

Apparently he has asked colleagues and customers, no one is free (male or female)

OP posts:

Mymumsfurcoat · 13/11/2013 19:33

Sounds like they know something you don't, must be a rotten do, don't go.

Original poster

Housemum · 13/11/2013 19:38

If I'd had more than a couple of days' notice, and was not out the next day, I would have psyched myself up for it - it just seems a lot of stress, won't be back until after midnight and need to be out all day next morning

Glad I'm not being a totally churlish cow thought I'd be flamed

OP posts:

wonkylegs · 13/11/2013 19:39

I've been to hundreds of corporate events and the odd empty seats are par for the course, 5mins in and honestly nobody will notice. The only people missed are people who've won awards or speakers.
Your DH is being daft. Once everybody has had a drink there is no way a plus one will be missed. I never take my DH as he's bored by my events (I don't blame him we all talk construction all night or about people he doesn't know) and a bored DH can lead to a drunk DH which then leads to an embarrassing DH - so we both prefer it if he stays home.
I occasionally go to his ones but usually as I can use them to convince his medical colleagues or their spouses that I could possibly do them a favour and do some work for them

RevelsRoulette · 13/11/2013 19:39

Can't he take a non work friend?

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 19:43

I understand you should not feel pressured into doing something you do not want to do. But...............I really think you should make the effort. I can understand about what to wear and the small talk etc. An Its enough to make you come out in a sweat. How old is your dd2 may I ask? I think you should go to be honest. You are his wife (yes you have your own mind and all that). My ex-dh worked in corporate finance in the city of London. I always declined these sorts of do's. Although i worked in the city myself at the time I just wanted to get home to ds. Now NOT saying for one second your husband would stray but if you constantly decline these sorts of things then he will be eventually looking for a companion else where.

IamGluezilla · 13/11/2013 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornflakegirl · 13/11/2013 19:47

Mylovely - how ridiculous!

My company does lots of entertaining that appropriately senior people are expected to attend. That compulsion does not extend to partners, and certainly not at such short notice. Enjoy your day out.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 19:50

OP how old is dd2 and where is it you are taking her.

hermioneweasley · 13/11/2013 19:51

DW has always made it crystal clear that she will not attend any corporate events with me as she is not "some bloody corporate trophy wife". I am pretty sure everyone thinks she's a figment of my imagination as nobody has ever met her.

I suggest you follow her approach and set clear boundaries!

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 19:53

corn the Op said another couple had dropped out. So obviously this ball is extended to partners. I think OP should make the effort to go unless her dd2 has an appointment somewhere that is necessary. Would be interested what this day out with dd2 is that is so important

hermioneweasley · 13/11/2013 19:54

Actually laughing out loud at MyLovely's suggestion that if you don't go to corporate events with him, he'll leave you for a more accomodating plus one.

I would run that past DW but I value my life.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 19:55

herm you dont have to be classed as a corporate trophy wife to accompany your husband to a corporate event. She must think very highly of herself

WilsonFrickett · 13/11/2013 19:56

I don't think you should go if you dont want to.

Equally I can see that DH probably thinks you're making daft excuses. No-one likes small talk, most people are able to stay up till midnight and function fine the next day, your dd will be fine with a sitter. So I can kind of see why he'd be frustrated tbh.

Original poster

Housemum · 13/11/2013 19:57

DD2 is 10 and has had some challenging behaviour issues, I booked tickets as a reward for her trying much harder with her problems and to give her some individual attention.

I do go to some events with his work , usually the more informal kind - have been to horse racing, cricket, that kind of thing where you can always talk about the action. This ball has a "theme" so obviously I will not be part of this whereas others may have hired costumes

OP posts:

LouiseAderyn · 13/11/2013 19:58

If another couple dropped out, meaning that the tickets are now available to you, then clearly attendance is not compulsory or the first couple would still be going.

There is no way I would attend this - why should you alter your plans whrn you were not even a first choice invitee?

Tell your husband to get s bloody grip and stop hassling you.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 19:58

herm just out of interest and not goading. Why will she not attend any corp events with you. I love a corporate event...........can i come to the next one.........

ravenAK · 13/11/2013 19:59

I wouldn't fancy it either - I've been to some of dh's & they are deathly deathly dull. Endless shop talk, wearing uncomfortable shoes, crap entertainment & not even able to get decently pissed...what's to like?

I would point all this out to dh, plus issues with dd's day out, sitter etc, & explain that the whole thing is a monumental PITA & he'd been a total twat to accept without checking.

Once he'd accepted this & was suitably remorseful, I'd then probably agree to go - with the clear proviso that he owed me one.

But I definitely wouldn't feel obliged to go. It would be very much on the basis that I could subsequently extract a thumping great favour in return.

Original poster

Housemum · 13/11/2013 20:01

He is currently going through his phone contacts - the cloud above his head is probably visible from space. I just can't see why I'm being made to feel guilty for declining an offer - I think he just assumed I'd want to go and is taking out his frustration on me now

OP posts:

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 20:01

OP you never mentioned costumes before. fuck blow that. Go out for the day with dd2. If you had said that in the first instance then my opinions would have been different. What a silly 'Corp Ball'. Hate fancy dress

BoJolly · 13/11/2013 20:04

I wouldn't go on the principle of not being invited in the first place.

sandfrog · 13/11/2013 20:04

It's not your, or your DH's fault that another couple dropped out. And it's not your responsibility to fill the empty space. So as you can't both go as a couple, why can't your DH just say that you and he won't be able to attend?

DontmindifIdo · 13/11/2013 20:13

Well, I can see why you'd not want to go, but I can also see why he'd want you there. These sorts of events can be fun if you have someone to share them with, and deathly if you are on your own. Plus If clients are there with their partners, he might need you there to do polite small talk with their dw/h while he talks dull work things with the client.

Can you ask round your friends, see if anyone has a dress that would fit you that you can borrow, you might feel better about going if you aren't self-conscious about wearing a too tight dress.

Your dd will just have to be told that if she is naughty for the sitter, the day out the following day will be cancelled, that's not a good reason not to go (although a good reason to stay sober - hangover and excited child on day out might be painful)

Oh, and there's a difference between a trophy wife and a corporate wife, a trophy wife looks good, but is no asset, a corporate wife is an asset to a career.

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