my 4 year old upset because he doesn't want to die

[misssilverwings]

I was having a shower last night when my 4 year old comes in sobbing, 'mummy' I don't want to die' .

Followed on with questions such as, ,does everybody die? When will you die mummy?

I have no idea what has triggered this, No one close to him has ever died. I exlpained about seeds growing, and nature and whats important is love...... but he wasn't having any of my fairy gumph and went to bed, still upset, cos I hadn't ( failed) to answer the question . SO..............HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN DEATH TO A 4 YEAR OLD ? ???

Honestly, it's very difficult. The realisation that you, and everyone you love, will one day die (and then....?) is a really big one, isn't it.

But understanding this is an important part of growing up and 4 is often the age this raises its head.

All you can do is be as gently honest with him as you can. I told mine all the different things that people believed might happen after death. One was comforted by the idea of his energy turning into lots of diffeent plants and animals (great circle of life type thing), the other likes the idea of reincarnation.

I also told them that we will always love each other, even when we are dead.

I had this happen to my DS at around that time. He was in absolute floods of tears and it took me ages to get him to tell me what was wrong. I found it really hard to comfort him but just admitted it is something yes that does sadly happen to us all and we just have to make the most of the time we are here. I said he did not have to worry as he was not going to die for a long long time. I can't remember whether I said we would all meet in heaven again one day I see no wrong in saying that. Whatever I said it did seem to soothe him at the time lots of hugs and cuddles. I think he had another crying session about it not long after too.
I think it was just the realisation it hit him perhaps it was a programme like Dr Who I know I was wracking my brains at the time.
I am very sensitive and although he is happy and sociable he is also sensitive like me so I think that might be part of it to.
It passed anyhow so don't worry too much.

Oh bless him, it is scary stuff. I would just say that most people live until they are very old, and that you will probably die when he is a grown up, with his own family. That seemed to satisfy my DS, and puts it comfortingly far in the future, to a time that is almost unimaginable to them.

Ah, I had this last week with my 3.11 yo. He got quite upset because Dr Seuss is dead (about 30 years ago!!) and can't write any more books He has decided he doesn't want to get old!

Anyway, I did a search on here and there was a recommendation of a book called 'Lifetimes' which I have received and looks quite good. I've not read it with him yet as it's not come up since, but I am all prepared if it does!

I don't want to either!

I think the main thing is to reassure him that everyone thinks about this and feels the same, we don't know what happens after death (unless you have a strong belief) and that his feelings are normal.

It is hard when they cry about this stuff, my youngest has started crying over the fact that her elderly relatives will die 'soon'.

Try to divert them off this topic when the said elderly relatives come to visit though, my then 4 year old launched into 'So, granny, you will die first, then mummy, then me...' speech around that age. Mortifying (although the elderly relatives took it quite well).