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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Wwyd?

20 replies

Mmmbacon · 12/11/2013 23:47

Someone I know caused a very bad accident while drink driving, he is now supposed to be off the road, I saw him today driving so I called the police, they unfortunately didn't catch him,

As the family USED to be great friends of ours, and dd is in same class as his dd, I declined to make a formal statement go to court as it would cause havoc with dd, there us more to this but trying to be brief,

police understood my position and said they will keep eye out for him now they know he.is driving while banned and to ring asap if we see him again,

dh thinks iwbu as it is not our business and could potentially cause problems for us and dd, I think he driver is bring a c you next tuesday for driving and would love to see him in hand cuffs but due to history feel my hands are tired re reporting,
feel like I should formally complain but just can't do it,
Aibu for not formally complaining, our is dh right and iabu for sticking my nose in,

OP posts:
AlexaChelsea · 12/11/2013 23:50

Was he drink driving today?

I think if I saw him driving, safely (though illegally), I would leave it.

If I saw him driving drunk, or dangerously, I would report and I would follow through, damn the consequences. Rather a bit of bad feeling than someone winding up dead being on my conscience.

gallicgirl · 12/11/2013 23:52

Yanbu for reporting him. Just think how awful you'd feel if he killed someone while drink driving. I know he may not have been drunk when you saw him but the sentence was imposed for a reason.

Musicaltheatremum · 12/11/2013 23:52

I think you did exactly the right thing. What happens if he goes and knocks someone over and kills or badly injures them. Obviously there is more to this story and your DD but as my Grandma was knocked over in 1959 by a drunk driver who caused her to loose a leg and shatter the other one when she was just 51 ( a year older than I am) and cause her to spend 15 months in hospital you did exactly the right thing. And I would give a formal statement. Your husband is being an idiot if he thinks otherwise.

Original poster
Mmmbacon · 12/11/2013 23:54

I can only guess that he was sober, I passed him on road and he wasn't drawing attention to himself,,
But if he is off road then he is off road surely then driving without insurance aswell?

OP posts:
phoolani · 13/11/2013 00:01

You're only being unreasonable if you can be sure that you and everybody you know and everyone else you don't is never going to be in the road when he out having a jolly, sober or not. My kids are often pedestrians right near roads and if you lived anywhere near me, I would regard you as somebody who was helping to keep them safe. His behaviour has already caused one accident and he's been banned from driving for a reason. Personally, I'd have no trouble reporting him. Hope you do it again if you see him.

MurderOfGoths · 13/11/2013 00:04

Doesn't matter whether he's drunk or not, shows he has very little regard for the consequences of his actions and obviously thinks he's above the law (a very very serious law at that). YWNBU at all.

Twitterqueen · 13/11/2013 00:05

You have to do what your gut tells you to do.
clearly it was preying on your conscience and you would not be happy within yourself if you had not reported it.

FWIW I would absolutely report it, as you did.

elskovs · 13/11/2013 00:07

Loads of people drive whilst banned or before passing their test. I wouldn't think twice personally if he wasn't a hazard.

Original poster
Mmmbacon · 13/11/2013 00:08

Thanks for the responses, this was keeping me up,

didnt know if I was reporting him for driving or using it as an excuse and reporting him cause I despise him.for what he had done and was jumping at the chance,

Probably.both but at least I am not alone in thinking you should report for this,

OP posts:
MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 13/11/2013 00:08

If he chooses to drive while drunk
If he chooses to drink while banned
He shouldnt be on the road
End of.

BlackeyedSusan · 13/11/2013 00:09

i think you got the right balance today. reporting but not formally as it might be bad for you and dd. it would be great if you were to feel able to go the forml statement thing, but it is a big ask for some depending on circumstances. .

Original poster
Mmmbacon · 13/11/2013 00:18

Thanks susan yes police mam said same, said he would love if I changed my mind and they have record but understood why I felt I couldn't,

Dick head didn't just drink drive he drove while smashed with the kids in car,

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 13/11/2013 00:23

YANBU . My partner was hit by an uninsured driver( which is what your 'friend' is ) and it's been a nightmare.

Tulip26 · 13/11/2013 00:27

Uninsured drivers are pushing premiums up for the rest of us. You did right to report him. A ban is exactly that. He obviously has no regards for the safety of others and should be inprisoned IMHO.

monicalewinski · 13/11/2013 00:33

I think you got the balance right, too. I would have done the same as you and stopped short like you did - you can report him again next time you see him driving, he never needs to know it was you that reported.

Thatisall · 13/11/2013 00:48

You did the right thing. The law is the law for a reason.

He SHOULD be punished for causing an accident

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/11/2013 01:53

I think you hit the right balance because the Police are now aware.

Lots of people do drive banned and lots of people are hit by cars. If the two things happen at once someone could be left in a wheelchair with no recourse to insurance.

NicknameIncomplete · 13/11/2013 07:28

If i knew someone was driving illegally i would report them without hestitation.

ZillionChocolate · 13/11/2013 07:35

He's driving whilst disqualified and without insurance. He clearly doesn't give a fuck about anyone else. You should definitely have reported him.

Original poster
Mmmbacon · 13/11/2013 13:39

Thanks again for the feedback, its amazing what can keep you up at night, think I was fighting with myself over my reasons to report and personal feelings,
Dh agreed with me this am too, he feels same as I do and struggles more as a man I think keeping anger and testosterone at bay when he sees or thinks about him, hence him not wanting anything to do with thinking about him last night

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