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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to do DS's birthday on the Wrong Day

32 replies

BlahBlahFestiveNameChange · 12/11/2013 15:09

Right, have names changed for this as need to include a few relevant details that would leave me Out Like A Brussel Sprout.

DS' birthday is Christmas Day, this year he will be two. Last year we did Christmas in the morning, then birthday cake and more presents (not that a 1 year old really cares) in the afternoon. I missed quite a lot of this as I was ill with raging tonsillitis and pretty much laid on the sofa trying not to cry while my mum and dad looked after us all.

This year we are going back to stay with inlaws for a week or so over Christmas. On Christmas Day we will be going to my parents (they live 1 mile away from inlaws, very handy!) for Christmas lunch. My FIL has to work all day on the day, except for a 2 hour break for lunch. They are coming to my parents for lunch with us. If we do birthday celebrations in the afternoon, FIL will miss it. FIL adores DS, he is the absolute apple of his eye, and DS adores FIL too. He wont be home till about 5 minutes before DS' bedtime and I don't fancy loading DS up with cake at 7pm.

I am proposing that we do DS' birthday celebrations on Boxing Day because:
a) both sets of grandparents are at home, so FIL will get to enjoy it all rather than having to rush it all in before bedtime. They didn't get to see him on his first birthday, so I think it will be nice if we can have a proper day of birthdayness.
b) No one wants to eat birthday cake after a massive Christmas lunch and half a tin of quality streets
c) DS is just going to get overwhelmed with presents and not care beyond the ripping off of the shiny paper.
d) He's two. He doesn't know when his birthday is.

Now, I think this is quite reasonable. MIL has made noises that it's not his actual birthday, so not fair that he has to miss out because of when it is. I accept this, but he's too young to know or care, and when he is older we will make sure we celebrate his birthday on the day too. I think they will go along with whatever we decide, and they are very lovely and generally not unreasonable people. So I'm just checking, AIBU? OR is this a very sensible plan, that will spread out the fun, help us avoid the boxing day post-Christmas lull and mean maximum opportunities for cake?

OP posts:
MrTumblesKnickers · 12/11/2013 15:15

Of course it's reasonable - while you can still get away with it, that is!

Squitten · 12/11/2013 15:19

YANBU!

SpookedMackerel · 12/11/2013 15:19

I think YANBU. But I have celebrated DD's birthday on the the wrong day before when I had to work that day.

This year dh will be away with work for a week over her birthday, so we are going to celebrate it the day before he goes. I'll probably tell her, but she wouldn't know if I didn't - although she knows her date of birth, she wouldn't know what the date was on any given day. So it makes sense to do it this way.

sillyoldfool · 12/11/2013 15:20

Totally reasonable. We moved DD2s 2nd birthday to two weeks later because both me and DH were up to our necks at work on the actual day. Neither her or DD1 were any the wiser.

thehorridestmumintheworld · 12/11/2013 15:26

Did you know Robert Louis Stevenson, the writer of Treasure Island, gave his birthday to a little girl who was born on Xmas day and was sad she did not have a special day of her own Story

Original poster
BlahBlahFestiveNameChange · 12/11/2013 15:44

Glad to see I am right. I think MIL is just worried that DS' birthday will get continuously sidelined because of his unfortunate timing.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlahBlahFestiveNameChange · 12/11/2013 15:45

Aw thehorrid that is a lovely story.

OP posts:
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 12/11/2013 15:50

that sound a good plan.

When he is older he you can always give him the choice of when he wants to celebrate his birthday.

iheartdusty · 12/11/2013 15:52

We have always done DC's birthdays on the next convenient weekend, so that both DH and I can be there to watch present openings and celebrate. It has never been an issue even slightly with the DC, and far from being sidelined it is a special day that is 100% about the birthday rather than any other distractions.
They have the option to open cards on the date, but have always said they want to leave them as well. Then I decorate the room, pile the presents on the sofa, and they come downstairs & open the lounge door to see an exciting pile on the Saturday following their birthday. I decorate a chair for their birthday proper, so they feel special that way, and if I can be bothered they also take cake into school on the day. They usually get phone calls from relatives on the day as well.
They are now 9 and 11 so they know the correct dates and they are extremely happy to do it this way.
start now while he's too young to know the difference!

CleanHankie · 12/11/2013 15:52

Yanbu.

Dd2 is a Christmas Day baby too. We celebrate it on Christmas Eve and she's nine the wiser (turns 4 this year). She knows her birthday is at Christmas but no concept of day/time. We do this so she gets a whole day of birthday and a whole day of Christmas. As we had an older child already we didn't think it fair on her to cut short Christmas Day to celebrate her sisters birthday.

As DD2 gets older it will be her decision what she'd like to do but as she was born only a minute into 25th I don't think it makes any difference

FortyFacedFuckers · 12/11/2013 16:00

My DS will be 8 this year and we still have his birthday on another day, I like him to have two separate days to be spoilt and I think it's too much to have all the presents on one day. Last year I asked him if he still wanted to do it on a different day and he did even although he knows it's not actually his birthday.

thehorridestmumintheworld · 12/11/2013 16:26

Wow lots of Xmas babies!

momentofmadness0 · 12/11/2013 19:57

We celebrated DD's 2nd birthday 3 days late because I had to work on the actual day. I am currently pregnant and due on the 19th December and if this baby comes on Christmas Day then we will probably celebrate it on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day for the first few years until she is old enough to choose for herself. I have even heard of people born on Christmas Day who celebrate their birthdays in June to avoid the festive period altogether. YANBU.

Aarow · 12/11/2013 20:01

YANBU. I don't have an Xmas baby, but it's a tricky time to do it. I do my eldest's birthday on the wrong day 3/4 times (he was a Leap Day baby), but I have no choice in that.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 12/11/2013 20:03

A friend of my son's has a Christmas day birthday. They celebrate her "official" birthday a week before Christmas.

educatingarti · 12/11/2013 20:04

YANBU
Many older children end up having their actual birthday celebration on the weekend nearest their birthday and I think what you are proposing is no different. You are doing it to enhance everyone's enjoyment ( including not letting your DS get too overwhelmed) not to penalise your DS in any way, so I'd say just go for it!

Amy106 · 13/11/2013 01:51

You sound like you have a great plan.

Xochiquetzal · 13/11/2013 02:01

YANBU, your son's 2, he'll be too busy going Shock 2 days of presents and cake! to even notice if it's his real birthday or not. I think it's a great idea, after all virtually everyone else gets Christmas day and a separate birthday.

MrsMook · 13/11/2013 05:35

YANBU

DS is a few days before Christmas. We do the proper day which has been a bit dull so far with a 1/ 2 yr old that didn't really know what was going on, and a DH who has to fly to head office for a routine meeting on days x and y of the week before Christmas and therefore clashed so far.

We do a half birthday in June. He's young enough to need things halfway through the year as his development changes, and it gives us a better chance to access summer/ outdoor toys. We'd buy stuff anyway so it makes sense to plan it for a half birthday rather than drip buy through the year.

My Christmas often got dragged into Boxing Day for seeing different relatives and I liked it being spread more evenly. My birthday wasn't a factor in that.

Jengnr · 13/11/2013 05:38

My niece was born on Boxing Day. She normally has a party a couple of weeks before with her friends.

My baby was born just before Christmas so we will probably do the same thing.

RoadToTuapeka · 13/11/2013 05:44

Your plan sounds great! My eldest son will be 3 on boxing day and even that is a bit tricky with being so close to Christmas, I like the sound of a mid year birthday celebration as outlined by MrsMook! That might work well once DS is in the swing of birthday parties with friends, who will inevitably be busy with family things around his actual birthday.

NynaevesSister · 13/11/2013 06:31

I know three Christmas birthdays. One is my cousin, she always had her birthday on Xmas day but always felt she lost out. It is hard to have your special day when it is also special for everyone else.

Another I only just found out this year that her real birthday is on Xmas day. They have always celebrated on her 'half' birthday, with party, presents etc. So her daughter has her 'birthday' on June 25th instead.

Another relative has always had her 'official' birthday in November. So they do the party etc on Nov 25th. She gets her main or special birthday present on Xmas day.

I think that people work out different ways of handling it as children get older. Start now ith something that works for you, be consistent, and explain how the Queen has her official birthday on a different day, and it is like that!

LustyBusty · 13/11/2013 07:13

Me and my brother have birthdays 4 days apart, so for about 5 years, we had joint parties on the most convenient weekend. Didn't particularly like it, but no harm done.
This year I'm celebrating 2 weeks early to fit in around paydays and Christmas parties.

TheCrumpetQueen · 13/11/2013 07:28

My ds is a Xmas day baby too :)

We're doing a party a week before and will celebrate on the day too in the afternoon with family.

In the future, I think we will celebrate on Xmas eve or
Boxing Day

PrimalLass · 13/11/2013 07:35

I moved DS's birthday because it was on a nursery day. Blush He was 2 and had no idea.

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