to expect DS school to include him (coeliac & df)

[wangle99]

DS is 10, has been gluten/wheat/dairy free all the while he has been at his primary school and he is now in year 5. I had a conversation with his teacher two weeks ago at parents evening saying that I would always provide food if they were doing anything food based in class.

DS comes home today visibly upset.

1. Today was French food testing day, we had not been told. They had told him to 'sniff' the food. (I could have provided brioche and others things)

2. His lunch table got 'lunch table of the week' all children on it got chocolate with caramel in. Nothing available for DS. A teaching assistant took him around the other class rooms to see if anyone had anything he could eat but they didn't.

The school are well aware of DS needs, they have a care plan for him so all staff do know. They could have told me and I would have provided something. I had no idea they do '** of the week' I could have provided chocolate/sweets whatever to be kept in school.

Would you email the school to discuss this? Am I expecting too much?

Thank you.

Your poor child.i would raise your concerns with the head teacher

This is awful! As a teacher with a dairy allergic child in my class, I made cupcakes to take in and they were all dairy free so he could have the same as others.

Not catering for a vegetarian is bad enough but a vegetarian choices to be a vegetarian, while someone with allergies hasn't chosen that

Not catering for a vegetarian is bad enough but a vegetarian choices to be a vegetarian, while someone with allergies hasn't chosen that

I'm sorry but I take issue with this statement - for 2 reasons - for some vegetarianism can also be a dietary need - meat is a hard to digest food & not everyone can eat it without feeling ill - that's why I don't eat it

& Im sorry but it's not a choice per se, not in the way you choose not to eat, say a tomato, because you don't like it, but because you conscientiously object & feel with every ounce of your being that it is morally wrong to eat another living thing - as my own DD does. It's kind if like a a cannibal telling you, that not eating other people is only a choice - it's not, it runs MUCH deeper than that & needs to be recognised as such

Off my soap box now :)

Glad you wrote to them & I'm with the others as regards taking it to the top goes if you don't get a satisfactory response, it really is disgusting the way the school have dealt with this issues

Bloody hell. This upset me, I have a ds. That is so awful. As you say. they have a plan, they know the score. They need to buck their ideas up. You have every right to complain. All the best to your ds.

Rockinhippy, I agree with what you say about vegetarianism. Until I had ds1, I was vegetarian for both the reasons you have given. However, he was diagnosed with multiple allergies while still being breastfed. I don't know how to be vegetarian without dairy, eggs, nuts, chick peas, beans, lentils, sesame, etc. How would we get any protein? So now we add a family have started eating meat.

For me, vegetarianism was a choice that I no longer have. Just saying. ..

Yes, wangle, glad you wrote to them. Have you also spoken informally to the members of staff involved?

Most of the school staff I know would be gutted to think a little boy in their class was feeling so sad.

Might be worth having a quiet word. The complaints process will probably take ages and will be very formal - but you need them to be responding to your son's needs very quickly. They should be apologising to him without further delay!

Rockin hippy, I understand what you're saying, I guess just having a child with a milk allergy, as I do, who can get very poorly from simply touching milk, I find it hard to think objectively.

Someone who gets poorly from a food is different from someone who chooses not to eat it for religious/personal views, no matter how strong those feelings are. They could change their mind and then eat that food, my ds can never eat milk, no matter how much he wants to.

Imagine watching everyone eating chocolate and you cant. If your beliefs have stopped you eating it, then you have those beliefs to stand firm with, an allergy does not provide that. You just get a yearning for said food but know you can't have it.

Someone who can't eat a food because they feel poorly, is similar to an allergy so not really any need for a soap box.

I'm not trying to start an argument, I guess I just hate hearing vegetarianism (for beliefs) and allergies being thought of as the same. They are not.

I'm not saying they shouldn't also be catered for,

Can I just hijack slightly to ask if OPs DS may find it funny that Rockinhippy's cat posted on this thread? My friends DS a year younger would have laughed like a drain at that.

Sorry, as you were!

I think it's a case of what aspect of a person it hurts though melon the body, or the soul -

I don't know how serious your DSs allergies are of course, but my DD cried herself to sleep for several weeks & was beyond heartbroken to the point where it badly upset her stomach because she once accidentally ate a bite of chicken nugget -

she also has been unable to eat diary & wheat at times without getting very ill with a couple of days of bad diarreah & doubled over with stomach cramps so bad her whole body wracks in pain - she's also still very intolerant to a lot of additives, some of which can still have this same effect - (sometimes dairy & wheat still can too) -

her physical reaction to eating these is actually easier to heal than her mental reaction to eating meat, which hurts her very soul, so where as I can see where you are coming from & if your DS has true life threatening allergies, then of course it's not the same thing, but you really can't dismiss it as less than another none life threatening, but ill making allergy/ intolerance, because it can damage just as much if not more & I know which I would rather deal with in my own DD

Yes, melomribena.

It has been hard for me to start eating meat. It made me feel poorly for a while, but I don't have a "proper" intolerance to meat so I persevered until my body got used to it again. Cooking meat still makes me gag sometimes, but I am trying to get over that.

It bothers me that I can't afford to buy free range, ethically sourced meat... but I have to feed my boys somehow and worrying about allergies doesn't leave me the head space to be massively concerned about animal welfare

Now that ds is 5 years old, and not dependent on breast milk, I could choose to be vegetarian, and to cook him separate meals. But would that be the best thing for ds? He will never be able to choose vegetarianism., and I want him to feel included in family life.

Rockinhippy, maybe like me you have had too much wine, but I'm not sure what you meant in your last post. You would rather deal with an emotional reaction than a life threatening reaction. Really? ? Forgive me if I have misunderstood.

Sorry, re-read and realised your dd has intolerance

The difference between allergies and intolerance is that allergies can kill you. Simple as that. "Someone who can't eat a food because they feel poorly" is not similar to an allergy at all. My DD's soul may well be harmed by her inability to eat dairy, but I confess that I'm rather more exercised by the possibility of her throat swelling up until she can no longer breathe.

As for the schools that don't allow sweet treats for allergic children instead of birthday cake - I'd be taking that to the headmaster, the governors and if necessary the local papers. Birthday cakes are not a small issue in the life of an early primary school child, and it's outrageous that they should feel excluded. Having read this thread, I'm exceedingly grateful that my DD's school are quite happy with my providing a box of replacement treats for her - I've always just taken their sensibleness for granted.

That must be so hard for you greenbananas but in those circumstances I do see that it makes sense you give up your ideals - I think we would all do that to protect the welfare of our kids if we had to, but it must be hard.

lalouche I think you need to read my last paragraph again - I did say that true life threatening allergy & intolerance as my own DD has to deal with are not the same thing.

at your son custard - it might make him giggle more that my cat is a big clumsy grey & white Tom, who is also a bit handy with using iMessage to send messages to my dad too - he sits on it & does it with his bum - & thanks to autocorrect he even managed to throw in a few words - even a swear word & my dad told me off

The OP's DS has coeliac disease - which is different again from an allergy or intolerance. I'm not quite sure what this difference means in practice.

I know breathless the thread side tracked a bit that's all - I think to start with because some of us where giving examples of where our own DCs schools do provide, so that our DCs aren't excluded as is the OPs DS

My Grandmother was Celiac & my understanding of it is, it's an inability to breakdown gluten, so bad that gluten affects the part of the digestive tract & distorts it in a way that means it can't work well, if at all, to digest any food, so can cause body wide serious problems & a small amount, can take a long time to clear the system & the gut recover - someone might correct me on that

Mm, good point breatheslowly - we have got a bit sidetracked.

For any body with coeliac disease, even a small amount of gluten can be a serious problem. It isn't immediately life threatening in the same way as an allergy , but can still have long term consequences.

The school should be dealing with wangle s ds needs much better than they are.

My ds school are brilliant at dealing with his life threatening allergies. . Maybe they are scared of him him dying on site! They do make so much effort to make sure he is emotionally included though.

Thank you for all your comments, I really appreciate it.

Letter definitely been received by the school. DS said the head teacher asked him to day what happened (and he repeated it word for word to her phew was hoping the story hadn't suddenly changed!) and she told him he could have a treat box in school. Am waiting to hear it from her herself. I know I could force the issue and make them sort something for him but some battles aren't worth fighting!!!

I'm hoping I get a decent response though and that it doesn't put DS or another child with food issues through it. He was so sad.

Yanbu at all, that is disgraceful, just. Little bit of effort required by the school. The teacher biking the chocolate cake shou,d make it GF to include your ds. Good for you for writing, unacceptable!

The only downside of the treat box is that the choice of sweet treats for allergic kids can be quite small.
It also can underline the difference for an allergic child, who has to always remind or ask teacher if he/she can get a treat from his box. This does little for a kids self esteem, and can underscore the difference between peers.

The safe treat box can only be used if the other kids in the class have been given a treat, (like a birthday ), but, not if the food was included as part of the curriculum. Like cookery lesson, or food used for maths, a treat box is not going to solve the real problem. Which is exclusion by the teachers.

Does the use of a treat or swop box get used by teachers to accept exclusion as a norm for allergic children in schools today?

Not in my experience - DD is included in all cookery-related activities, teachers have so far been great at buying special stuff so she can join in. Treats box does mark her out as different, but so far she sees that as a positive, and so do some of the other kids ('I want a lolly instead of cake too!'). It doesn't seem like a big deal overall, which is as it should be.

I'm also loving the fact that rockinhippys cat felt so strongly about this that he posted a message!

YANBU. My DS is severely allergic to dairy eggs and nuts and has an epipen for this problem. He is now 17 and in his final year of secondary school.

His first school was excellent, very inclusive and caring. One day his classroom assistant actually telephoned about allowable treats for him, sweets, unfortunately I was actually at the dentist for a checkup at the time! I had a weekly short meeting with the head cook/chef about his lunches and she would prepare special meals several times a week for him. We all cried when he left the school...Ds, the chef and I as she had become very protective of him.

Next school at age 7 much less caring. I met the chef, spoke to teachers etc but still he had very little to eat lor lunch some days, think cucumber and tomato so I would send a cereal bar for emergencies when he stayed for after school club. One teacher was very cross with him as apparently cereal bars were against school healthy eating policy. I too wrote to the Headmaster pointing out others had chocolate cake etc for lunch so why was a cereal bar, after school so bad. All teachers were circulated and an exception made for Ds but it shook his confidence as teacher frightened him. Lots of other food issues at this school, letters sent, special food provided. No thought of inclusiveness for Ds at all.

Secondary much better though he is older so treats are less of an issue. Just yesterday I received a lovely email about a special three course meal for top year students. I had sent a note saying Ds would love to go but problems set out. Very kind letter from teacher saying spoken to caterers and special three course meal would be provided.

I suppose I am saying it depends on the school. They should provide inclusiveness but when they don't, It is difficult to force them. I was glad when he left the middle school.

Letter came home via DS and was a full apology including how the errors had occurred - brand new supply teacher who came in at short notice, head teacher didn't know that DS hadn't been given a treat for lunchtime table of week.

She met with DS and apologised to him (checked with DS that she actually did!). She has said that I can supply a surprise treat box for him, if I don't want to supply it myself she said I could give the school a list of things he likes so they can choose from it. To be honest I don't need the school to supply a box (but appreciate that they have offered!), I just don't want DS to come home again upset like he was before.

Thank you ladies for your opinions it really helped :)