To be pissed off that my mother doensn't want me to attend hospital appontment with her

[LEMisafucker]

If it was becase she felt it was personal or just wanted to go on her own then i would respect that but its because she wants to use it as an opportunity to report to her endocrinologist bullshit reasons why she is pissed off wth her GP. She wont understand what he tells her about future treatments/monitoring of her condition which is what the appointment is for. She knows if i go with her she wont be able to use the opportunity to whinge etc.

She never understands what the doctor says to her, wont ask questions in the appointment, so if i don't go she wont know what is going on. Also i wont have a clue either.

As i said, its not because i don't respect her privacy, its the reasons for it. Never mind that fact that i run round after her like a blue arsed fly, DP has taken the afternoon off to take her to the appointment, he now has the raving hump with me because i wont go with them. It doesn't take two people to sit in a waiting room and i'm too fecking pissed off to go if im honest.

Im obviously BU then, or everyone is on the school run or its a really boring OP

So she doesn't think that you could sit silently and make notes and listen without contributing?
Could you?
The endocrinologist will learn more about her as a whole person if he sees her in a raw state with no modifying influence, and that may help him decide what's the most effective way of treating her.
My dad is a PITA as well.

Is she of an age when things were not discussed? Perhaps she's embarressed.

Not surprised you're pissed off, I remember from your other threads that you're pretty "put upon" to say the least.

Can you tell your mum straight that she has to sort out her own appts, get herself to the hospital and seen by herself and that you're not going to have anything further to do with it? Why are you running around after her so much? (sorry, I can remember the jist of your past threads but not the details)

She isn't embarrased puppyfat, she is being difficult, she has taken against her GP who is doing her best for her and sees the "specialist" as some sort of God who she can get the doctor into trouble with. She has a rare condition that is really complicated, often doctors in A&E look at me when i explain it to them especially as the treatment has changed so much from when she had it 50 years ago. I have a biochemistry degree and one of my main subjects was endocrinology and I often have to get the doctor to reiterate things (i don't let them know my background so they don't overcomplicate it, its been a while!) so my mum with her advancing years and being stone deaf doesn't have a hope.

She has been under this specialist for nigh on 30 years so i would hope they have worked out what she is like by now I do tend to keep quiet when she goes to appointments but often have to repeat things to her and explain what the doctor is trying to say - she will make all the right noises like she understands but will come away none the wiser and then when her appointments come through for examinations and scans she then will be asking me WTF it was all about.

I am actually really hurt by it and worried that if there is something wrong i wont find out about it. I am worried now that there is something and she doesn't want me to know because she doesn't want treatment and she thinks I would force her into it. I wouldn't, do this in fact have supported her in not wanting certain procedures in the past. So im bloody fucked off - feel a bit childish for not even going with DP and waiting with him but was too upset.

Sounds like you are in a very tricky situation you have my sympathies. You can only do your best and it sounds like you have.

I've read about the problems with your Mum in other posts, Lemis & YANBU at all.

In fact I think you are being wonderful to take her to the appointment - she really does lean on you so much & doesn't give much back, does she?

for you - you are a wonderful daughter.

Thankyou for your kind replies - In a way am relieved i didn't go - i can no longer take responsibility for that side of things so thats one less thing for me to worry about.

It's a toughie. I had similar with my FIL.

He needed a fair bit of support and was very old fashioned in that he didn't want to bother the doctor and wouldn't have wanted to talk in from of me.

Trouble was, we feared he had dementia and it wasn't diagnosed till late because we had to respect his wishes and the doctors wrote back in response to our letter to say if FIL was worried then ask him to make an appointment. FIL wasn't capable.

It's tough but our parents are entitled to make their own decisions even if we know we are right.

I'm so glad you said that, LesMis - you can only do so much to help someone who refuses it & you already do MORE than enough for your DM.

she has just rung me saying she got a call from her old practice, i think there may have been a mix up with some results getting sent there and not to her new practice and her new GP that is the spawn of the devil - she doesn't know whats going on now, is confused and wants to go back to the old practice (which means every time she goes to the doctor my DP has to take her in the car - i dont drive or its the bus with me accompanying and it takes the whole bloody day!) She asked me to sort it out - i told her that she would have to do it herself - ive had enough. FFS, not good enough to go and actually see what the doctor says then im not good enough to go and do all the fecking running around either

WELL DONE LEM!!! It takes a lot to stand up for yourself when faced with a situation like this.

How did she respond?

Well done indeed.

I honestly think that this might just make her take stock a bit & hopefully be more reasonable. She's got used to you being at her beck & call.

Have some - even though it's Monday.

'I honestly think that this might just make her take stock a bit & hopefully be more reasonable. She's got used to you being at her beck & call.
'

Bit like dealing with a thankless and unreasonable teenager really.

She put the phone down

I think she bent DP's ear though because he had the right royal hump when he came home and now isn't really talking to me - i thnk he thinks i was mean for not going but i can't deal with it anymore.

Don't worry, i am already half way through a bottle of white!

I'm not suprised you're pissed off - I remember other threads about your Mum.

This is not meant snarkily - is there a reason why she can't go on her own?

Sorry LEM - just read op before jumping in, I see the situation has moved on.

This morning she rings me, speaks to me like shit, telling me "im going out" i ask where - over to the hospital or minor injuries after shes took the dog out (oh, backs ok to walk him today). She needs a blood test, a routine test to check up on some meds she is on - its waited 4 months between the last appontment so the fact that she codlnt get an appointment til next week should be fine - but no, apparently she is sick of being shit on and she is going to the hospital for the test today - of course she wont have gone, because i told her DP coudlnt take her, i was also busy trying to order some doors for a client, the doors were £600 i really didn't want to screw it up, so i told her i was busy and would ring her back, she told me not to bother - so i didn't :( of course now im worrying that she has gone and hurt herself or something. The implication is that I am the one shitting on her. How much more of this do i have to take?

Just spotted this and didn't want to leave it unanswered.

I think she's doing this precisely so you will worry about her and rush to sort things out. Don't - just call her bluff and let her get on with it.

If she wants help then it won't hurt her to ask nicely and be appreciative will it?

Also sending sympathy, I'm sure you can do without the stress.

Thanks flippin - its just so wearing but i now feel guilty for not walking the dog today, so i end up feeling like shit either way

IIRC you have a hell of a lot on your plate. Don't feel bad for not being superwoman.

If you're the kind of person who likes to help out then you do feel guilty saying no - but turn that on its head - if you don't look after yourself, you be no good for anything - so actually you're doing the right.

I bet you the medical professionals have the measure of your mum so I wouldn't worry about that side of things.

• doing the right thing, I mean to say.

LEM please do not feel guilty. She is obviously quite capable of walking the dog but chooses to "put upon" others instead. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I don't know if you feel it relevant, or if you are in fact already on the thread, but have you looked at Stately Homes? From an outsider it looks like you're surrounded by FOG - fear, obligation, guilt

Sorry I didn't see this yesterday.

Foxache is very wise with her comment about FOG.