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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To think maybe he's not that into me??

24 replies

mousseschoice · 10/11/2013 18:33

I met a guy out last week, and he said did I fancy going on a date? We exchanged numbers and arranged to go out on Friday (just gone).
We only had a little bit of contact throughout the week, and I did wonder if the date would go ahead.

Well... The date went well, and we're seeing each other on Wednesday for a cinema trip...BUT...he isn't much of a texter, and I'm starting to wonder if he's really into me?

He dropped me off on Friday night, after saying he wanted things to go slow (fine by me), then text when he got back to say he'd had a good time.
I didn't hear anything from him, and decided to give a casual "Hi, how are you?" text last night, which he replied to and then we made plans to go out on Wednesday. I then asked him if he wanted picking up, and what film did he want to see. I haven't heard a dicky bird since!!

Am I over thinking it all, or is he just not that into me?

OP posts:

ThingsThatGoHumpInTheNight · 10/11/2013 18:42

He's agreed to go out with you again...maybe he's busy, chill out! If he flakes on Wednesday don't bother again...but you both want to take it slow, so, take it slow!

VenusStarr · 10/11/2013 18:44

I've been in a remarkably similar situation! To the point where we would arrange a date and I would turn up not having heard anything from him that week! at first it was good as i dont like overly keen guys. i met him in june but am still no closer to knowing if he is into me or not, In some ways he must be as he was arranging to see me again.

It's really difficult, but I found that I backed off and found that he would get in touch with me in a predictable way, so much so it would get to a certain day and I would 'know' that he would get in touch, which he did, but I just found that I was disinterested, so it turns out that I am not into him that much anymore

I'm not helping at all, but I found it a big hassle and it has got really boring so I've knocked it on the head.

It's only your second date, so maybe see what happens after Wednesday?

YouTheCat · 10/11/2013 18:46

Maybe by slow he means he doesn't want to be texting every other day?

He may well be into you. Enjoy your date.

AgentZigzag · 10/11/2013 18:46

He's texting you, that looks to me like he's into you.

At least he's been up front (and sensible) about taking it slowly and seeing where it goes.

If he wasn't into you you'd never hear from him again, surely?

My crystal ball assures me everything will turn out brilliantly for you

Original poster

mousseschoice · 10/11/2013 18:49

Ha ha AgentZigzag that made me smile :)

I think I have to sit back and wait for Mohammed to come to the Mountain... I'm so bloody impatient at times!! :)

OP posts:

nitrox · 10/11/2013 18:49

Hmmm, that would annoy me and spoil the romance a little.

My boyfriend was very backwards in coming forwards and very shy and wary of women, but even he made more of an effort than that!

Maybe keep looking and see it as the old fashioned 'courting' until you know if he's worth it, maybe he's dating a couple of people?

You sound very nice btw, so I'm sure you will meet someone

josephinebruce · 10/11/2013 18:50

Well, in the old days (when I was last dating) there were no mobiles and thus no text messages and so we had to phone each other to fix dates.....

BlackDaisies · 10/11/2013 18:50

Actually I don't think you're over thinking it. In my experience, people who get all anxious about responding to friendly texts or think you're rushing it generally aren't too bothered. Also the "take it slowly" comment often hints at reluctance too, because if things feel "right" you don't tend to need to hold back or worry about how fast it's going! But there are always exceptions and genuine reasons for not texting straight back, so don't give up just yet! Just be a bit wary!

Frostedloop · 10/11/2013 18:51

Speak to him, texting is not a good means of communication.

bimbabirba · 10/11/2013 18:52

I agree with BlackDaisies

Original poster

mousseschoice · 10/11/2013 18:54

If i text him, he does reply straight away. I'm just going to sit back and see what happens :)

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 10/11/2013 18:57

I think lots of people don't like to text every day.

See how Wednesday goes.

BuzzardBird · 10/11/2013 19:02

Just a tip...don't overuse ! and ? in your texts, putting more than one makes you sound like an excited bunny.

Original poster

mousseschoice · 10/11/2013 19:05

Buzzard, I do that a times, ha I have visions of myself looking like an over excited puppy!

OP posts:

BuzzardBird · 10/11/2013 19:25

Financeprincess · 10/11/2013 20:55

YANBU. Truthfully, I suspect he isn't that into you. His loss. The ball is in his court now, so don't waste any more energy thinking about him.

lessonsintightropes · 10/11/2013 21:44

Man who is now DH didn't give me his phone number until we'd been going out for 2 months. He was absolutely dead set on arranging the next date at the end of the last one mind you, and we always met up a minimum of twice a week - normally more like 4 - until we moved in after 9 months and married after 5 years. We only made friends on FB after a year and a half. Don't get put off by someone who tries to let it build slowly, I think it's not a bad thing for either partners and lets you get to know each other without getting too full on too quick. However after a month I knew I'd marry him, and I did!

KerwhizzedMyself · 10/11/2013 22:00

You could just have different "love languages". Like for example, me, I hate conversations going on via text. Someone I'm dating who does enjoy text conversations might think that means I don't like them when I really do.

carolinecordery · 10/11/2013 23:53

Long texts with capital letters and punctuation added signify more interest than the opposite, I reckon.

Kiwiinkits · 11/11/2013 00:35

Too much texting is a turn off for most men. It's so pointless. If you've got something to talk about either wait a couple of days till you see each other or call. Keep a bit of mystery.
If you absolutely HAVE to talk to him before the date (to check what time he is picking you up, for example) call him.

Monty27 · 11/11/2013 00:38

You sound over zealous with the texting. hth

whitesugar · 11/11/2013 01:07

Most men in my experience are not great texters. I hear it a lot from my girlfriends too. I know I am going to get flamed for this but why did you ask him if he wanted picking up. If you knew me you would know I am seriously independent, probably to a fault, but I would not be picking any guy up for a date. Please don't think I am being rude but let him do the running. A little bit of hard to get goes a long way!

Monty27 · 11/11/2013 01:20

I agree with that White

MistressDeeCee · 11/11/2013 01:34

I wouldnt worry too much about it, its early days. & at least he wants to date you. Then again old fashioned me says, why on earth do so many people mention texting when getting to know each other nowadays? Its just so impersonal. Id rather have a call once a week, than a text. I agree with some posters who've said texting is a turn off for most men..in fact I cant see many of them taking the time to text back & forth. If he wants you, you will know soon enough. Let him court you and then just take it from there..if his style isnt for you then you'll know what to do.

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