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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed about the Remembrance Service?

18 replies

TwitTwooShoe · 10/11/2013 14:42

The remembrance service was at our local church at 11am today, so we got back quite a bit ago. Fwiw, I remember the soldiers/members of the armed forces who died, and those who survived but were left with horrific injuries (physical and mental) and their families, friends and relatives. I have nothing against poppies or RS!

The church is near the school. The school the DC go to is a church school (CofE) but this is because it is the only school around here they could go to, due to tiny catchment areas, essentially, due to the overcrowding where we live. However, this means people of many and no faiths go to this school. I was brough up Muslim but my family/I are agnostic.

It was compulsory attendance (according to the letter). If you did not go, you'd be marked down (they have a system with cards- gold for very good behaviour/effort/attitude, then silver for good, then green for where you need to be, then orange for needing improvement, then red.) to red. If you are already on a red, then it means you miss break time and lunchtime if you get marked down for whatever reasons.

As it is, my DC have good behaviour and are fine. We attended because wanted to. But I object to children being punished for non attendance because:

  • It's a religious service. Fr non religious people or people of other faiths, they can go to other remembrance services with the service coordinated for them. There was also a humanist ceremony going on, and a synagogue was holding a service. I think the local mosque was also having a remembrance service, but I'm not sure. All of these are just as valid and involve remembering in the same way, why can't people go to those? Some people also disagree with the religious aspects of remembrance.
  • Families have different commitments. If this had happened six months ago, it would have been a choice of either cancelling a swimming lesson and wasting money, or the child getting punished. My best friend's child was marked down because thy were visiting an elderly relative. This was pre arranged, and they were going to a service where he was- the relative was a veteran ffs!
  • Effort. People from families with parents who work on those days or for other reasons can't come at that time on Sunday.
  • Punishing the child for their family. For whatever reason the family didn't want to go or can't go, I'm fairly sure a primary aged child can't get themselves to a church service alone. What can the child do about it?
  • Some people going to church services will be going to different churches for the remembrance service. They are doing the same thing but in their own church/spiritual community. I don't see how remembering what happened is different if you do it at a church you feel more comfortable in.

AIBU? We went but some friends of mine didn't.

OP posts:
SantanaLopez · 10/11/2013 14:44

YANBU, that's ridiculously strict.

starfishmummy · 10/11/2013 15:10

I know that with church schools there is usually an understanding that pupils have to take part in the religious "life" of the school but assumed that it just meant during normal school hours.
This seems totally unreasonable, YANBU

Mylovelyboy · 10/11/2013 15:16

YANBU its not up to them to dictate to you. My ds used to to to a CofE school and I never experienced anything as strict as this.Confused What you do with your time out of school hours has sod all to do with them.

BackforGood · 10/11/2013 15:16

Of course YANBU. Never come across this before (my dc all went through a CofE Infant and Junior school).
We didn't attend services there though, as we attend our own church on a Sunday morning, and, in particular on a Remembrance Sunday, they would be parading with their own Scout group. There are 1001 things which people are committed to doing on a Sunday morning, and it's none of the school's business to be interfering in that.
Invite them, yes. Link it in to some kind of behavioural award system - no.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 10/11/2013 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwitTwooShoe · 10/11/2013 15:37

I just think that swimming lessons are just as important as RS. Swimming lessons are very expensive. I don't see how or why it's fair to expect a parent to waste their money. For our local pool, it is £5 a week roughly and children are also penalised there for not turning up. £5 is a lot of money to throw away and they might miss out on valuable skills. Swimming and exercising doesnt mean you aren't remembering. They stop for a two minutes silence. They are thinking about those who died for them, and going to a service doesn't mean you are the only ones who are. A service should be voluntary because the wars we fought mean we have the right to choose how to spend our time, and the right to decide that remembering can be done just as well in a pool as in a church/other place of worship, when the service and place of worship is not relevant to you.

OP posts:
starlight1234 · 10/11/2013 15:42

My son was supposed to go with Beavers..He didn't go he had a sickness bug so think everyon will be greatful we didn't attned

emotionsecho · 10/11/2013 15:50

You are not being unreasonable in any way at all OP. Perhaps you could send your well worded and argued OP in letter form to the school, you are making very valid points/observations. The linking of attendance at this service to the card system seems very draconian, and slightly un-Christian.

Moxiegirl · 10/11/2013 15:53

Yanbu, it's not school time therefore they should not be able to make you do anything!

AngiBolen · 10/11/2013 16:00

YANBU. I would be having words with the HT.

kilmuir · 10/11/2013 16:03

School are out of order, not in school time. Myself and my children watched the Bbc coverage and observed the silence at home, do not have to be in a church to show respect

Nanny0gg · 10/11/2013 16:08

You are expected to attend events not in school time, and the children are punished if they don't?

Bonkers!

Is this a Voluntary Aided or Voluntary Controlled school?

TwitTwooShoe · 10/11/2013 16:40

I think I'll talk to some of my friends with children marked down, and then go with them to the HT (I'd look like a real busybody if I talked to the HT when my child wasn't marked down).

It's voluntary controlled (I think).

OP posts:
kim147 · 10/11/2013 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 10/11/2013 18:35

A VC school is nowhere near as autonomous as a VA school so I would be writing to the CoG (copied to the LA) asking for an explanation of this crazy policy,

josephinebruce · 10/11/2013 19:48

So, were all the teachers there? Did someone take a register? It is ridiculous! No school can dictate what you do at the weekend in your own time! YANBU.

maillotjaune · 10/11/2013 19:53

YANBU at all - it os outrageous to punish children who don't attend something outside school hours.

SauvignonBlanche · 10/11/2013 19:58

YANBU, that's ridiculous!

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