In thinking he lives on a different planet.

[SharonCurley]

Dp works away.On mil so currently do all childcare-two dcs and housework during week.I expect him to do an equal share at weekends.He thinks that a more traditional role works best as it allows people to concentrate fully on that role .His friend was moaning about his brothers wife who expects her husband to do night feeds and as they have two under three they send the eldest to crèche for a few hours a week.They think she is a lazy cow because her husband works so hard and she still expects this of him!Funnily enough this other man doesn't have children!Interested to hear any thoughts on this.

Sorry not on mil but ML

I think he should be helping out with dcs at weekends and helping you out in general. Would not expect him to put his marigolds on and start scrubbing bathrooms and polishing and hoovering. I know where you are coming from. He just needs to get stuck in and help out with the general stuff at weekend. Example, dcs lunch/breakfast, wash up, tidy up, help you if you want him to take washing upstairs, that sort of everyday stuff. Men.....arrr

Does he have any idea of what you actually do when he's not there?

My DH had no real idea until I was ill and pretty much confined to bed bar breastfeeding the baby so he had to do everything I do.

He barely managed to feed the toddler who spent far more time than normal strapped in at the table and did no basic cleaning washing up etc.

He now would not dare tell me to do it all as he knows that he has the easier job at the moment. Also on ML.

Of course you are not being unreasonable!

And your husband's friend's brother had obviously found a situation that works for them so for starters they should stop judging on that front.

As I have learnt from mumsnet it's leisure time that should be the focus. You do what you can to ensure that you have equal amounts of that.

DH works long hours during the week and sometimes at weekends, I occasionally get free-lance work. I do all week day stuff as he's not around to do it. We pretty much do 50:50 childcare at weekends (or he does a bit more), I still do all cooking, laundry and most of the cleaning if it's needed at the weekend, although he might whizz the Hoover around if people are coming over). If either of us has work to do the other one does everything. It's not entirely ideal and I still feel he has no clue to the amount of mental effort involved in running a house. His life has undoubtedly got easier for having a wife, no car insurance renewals or basic admin.

But the point is we try hard to have equal leisure time. Your DH needs to understand that you are not his servant, he still has to pull his weight and you should both get one lie-in each.

I do the night feeds though as my day is less pressured but each to their own on that one.

Also do all night feeds as breastfeeding and no problem at all with that

Most blokes have absolutely no idea what we do all day.

I bet he thinks a more traditional division works best!

That means he can sit on his arse and be waited on hand and foot all weekend.

What exactly is he concentrating on workwise when he's not there?

If it's nothing then there's no reason why he can't do part of his own housework.

"He thinks that a more traditional role works best as it allows people to concentrate fully on that role." What a crock of shite. Amazingly, some of us manage to work, volunteer and do a load of laundry once in a while. Why some menz are so pathetic that they can't escapes me. My DH manages to handle multi million dollar contracts and clean the kitchen.