or is the school?

[diagnosticnomansland]

I've name changed because I don't want to out myself but am a semi-regular (pombears, PM candidate's biscuit preferences, Daily Fail etc)

So, my child has just told me that in class yesterday afternoon a child wanted my DS to move out of a chair. My DS said no because he was already sitting there. Child's friend threatened DS that he would get him out of the chair if he didn't leave it of his own accord. DS repeated that he was sat there and that there were other seats at the table. Child who threatened didn't like this so got hold of the chair and tipped DS out of it. This all happened in the context of my DS being repeatedly bullied, the school being aware of it, and me coaching DS how to politely stand his ground.

DS is in the middle of the lengthy diagnostic process for neurodevelopmental stuff and often sticks out like a sore thumb - hence the constant bullying.

DS told the teacher and all she did was tell the children not to do it again. In light of our experience so far with this school, had DS done this he would have had an immediate detention, now warnings, no second chances. This incident has merely added, I feel, the current status quo - DS is the class (village) idiot and people can treat him how they like and get away with it.

Would I be wrong in bringing this incident to the Head's ttention and asking why the child wasn't sanctioned for something that, by my past experience, would usually incur an immediate detention?

I know DS is telling me the truth and not exaggerating because he doesn't exaggerate and lying is not his forte, bless him, he's completely useless at it.

You've forgotten to tell us how old he is?

You should probably have a word with the teacher and then the Head if you're not satisfied.

I would not be happy OP. The child who tipped him needed an immediate sanction...it's very dangerous what he did and he could have hurt your DS back.

Ask school for a copy of their bullying policy....meet the Head and tell her you're not happy with the way things are...you DEMAND change now.

Or you will write to the governers.

You could raise theissue in the context of your child's safety at school. I don't think they should have to discuss individual sanctions with you.

He's nearly 9 so year 4. I'm kind of chewing at the bit because ot me there seems to be huge inconsistency on what is considered acceptable behaviour...but perhaps it's just me being oversensitive. I do know right now though that DS does really feel that there is a different standard of expectations for him than there is for this other child who has no SEN issues etc that would explain why they weren't as tough on him as they were DS last year.

If that had happened in my class, the child doing the chair tipping would be have been sent straight to the Head and their parents notified. Any deliberate physical act like that is taken very seriously indeed.

The school should have an Anti-bullying Policy, which should be freely available to you. I would certainly be inquiring as to the facts of the event and requesting confirmation that their bullying and behaviour policies were followed in full.

And that's exactly what happened on the two occasions DS overstepped the line last year, straight to the head, detention and notification to me, spiders.

Poor DS is feeling a bit victimised and if I'm honest I'm feeling he is too (he had an eye -rolling teacher last year who would poo-hoo DS concerns - admittedly often based on his very literal and pedantic mind - in front of the other children, thus giving them the message this is how he is to be treated - with little regard at all). I'm trying to be objective...I'm not sure I'm doing a good job...

Well, thank you so far for your opinions - I certainly don't want to tread too much on the school's toes - they could be after all my biggest supporter in all of this if I play my cards right.

However, I've been awake all night over this (may seem a bit of an over-reaction to some, but this is just the tip of the mainly shitty iceberg that has been DS life in recent years) and wonder if anyone else has any opinions on how this should be handled.

I almost called the child's mother as we are quite good friends and I know she would be upset that her child is behaving this way but maybe I should leave that up to the school?