In expecting DH to back me up with our kid rather than paint me as the witcked witch

[lovinbeingmum]

Have spent the last half hour walking around on the street crying my heart out because I didn't want our two year old to see me with tears. DH isn't around much during the week so have DS all to myself for five days. Thats not a problem. But DH comes on the weekend, thinks his two year old is an angel and any tantrum happening is me being a shitty parent. He's two, for crying out loud!!! Of course he has tantrums. On the SLIGHTEST of things!

Like the latest. We bought DS two coats this morning. Have been trying to get him to try them on. Crying and huge tears happened every time and I kept putting them away. Finally on the third try, inspite of tears, I tried to coax him in and DH snatched them out of my hands, flung them in the other room, all the while shouting at me as to why I'm making him cry.

This is one of many similar episodes.

DS is two right now. It's only going to get worse as he grows, isn't it?

Two is not an easy age. Tantrums can happen over anything. It can easily get to you and wear you down.

Has your DH spent much time alone with your DS? Could you have a day away?

Time for you to go away for a week and let him cope with being a parent 24/7. Then swan back in Friday evening and criticize all his parenting. And when complains tell him thats what every weekend like that when he comes home and leave him to think about it.

MrsGary he hasn't really spent too much time alone with DS. In fact panics when he has to handle the couple of meals he's done. I don't blame him there because he has an extremely stressful job. But I guess that's why I'm loosing my cool....don't spend time but then why the I know it all attitude
...clutter that's what I dream of these days...what fun it would be :)
I'm sure there must be a diplomatic way to handle the situation rather than the raving, ranting, crying that's happening in our lives these days....this is not a good road to be going down...it can't end well....

The next time he does that don't say a word. Hand over everything to him and walk out for an hour with a cheery 'Mummy's just popping out' to your DS.
Do it every time you can. He'll soon get the message.
YANBU, 2 can be a tough age and it doesn't help if your DS is getting mixed messages.

It sounds as if DH is really uncomfortable with the whole idea of DS ever being unhappy. Which is totally understandable of course, it's not something any parent relishes, but as you said - DS is two, he's going to have tantrums, you can't stop it and nor will it help simply to appease him the whole time.

I would also point out - as if you didn't already know - that kids are damn good at picking up on any hint of parental division, and will learn to exploit it mercilessly. You need to be presenting a united front.

Have you talked to DH much about it, calmly and sensibly etc, without DS around? Ultimately you've got to agree on a parenting approach that works, gives DS what he needs (including consistency, which is vital) and which you can both live with.

YANBU and I know you'll get lots of LTB responses but TBH you both sound super-stressed. Is there anyone who could babysit so that the two of you can have some child-free time together.

YANBU I don't care how stressful your DH's job is, no-one (least of all someone who is supposed to love you) has the right to yell at you, belittle your efforts, blame you, throw clothes around and generally terrorise and upset you. That is appalling behaviour on his part, verging on the abusive. Stop making excuses for him and don't tolerate the crap. Or else it really won't end well..... sorry.

Firstly, no matter how unreasonable you think the other parent is being, you back them up 100% and then discuss it later in private if you don't agree with how they were parenting. But you always present a united front to the children. Tell him this, although he should know already.

Second, you need to go away for a night/weekend and leave your DH in sole charge so that he fully understands what parenthood it all about. He has it so easy atm it's fucking laughable.

Your partner is supposed to support you, make your life easier and nicer. If he doesn't, there need to be changes.

The two of you need a serious talk.

Thanks all. turps you're right. I feel it too. It's super stress coming out in wierd says. We've had a chat today. Lets see how things roll. I think there will be changes.....we think kids don't understand but after ages DS has woken up in his sleep, crying just wanting a hug....he senses the tension. And that is absolutely the last thing either one of us wants.

DP often says I'm bad cop and he's good cop. We were in the supermarket today. DS in his buggy as he's a pain in the trolley. All fine except a couple of whinges to get out. Easily distracted and no bother really. Except DP gave in and got him out. Cue huge tantrum because he wanted to sit in the food bit and there was no room.

I walked away and had a lovely look at the Christmas gifts. I could hear them battling... In the end he had to bribe DS with crisps to calm down. I went back once the kick off was done. DP will probably forget and do it again in a month....