I'm having issues with dp at the moment. I'm 29, he's 43 and we've been together over 3 years. We have lived together for all of this time. I have uterine fibroids and have become very broody. I realise that because of my illness and ages of me and dp, time is against us. I've just had my coil out in the view that dp and I can start ttc but he's now retracted and decided we should save up over the course of a year or so before we start ttc. To say I'm bloody disappointed is an understatement. I've been thinking about leaving dp because I'm so desperate for a baby, but we are slowly working through this and I've accepted that I have to wait til dp is ready.
I've confided my problems with a few friends and both of their solutions really shocked me. They both suggested pricking holes into condoms. I could never do that! When I have a baby with dp, I want it to be the right time for both of us! Also, dp would never forgive me if he found out!
AIBU?
To think that trapping your dp into pregnancy is shocking?
annabanana84 · 09/11/2013 13:34
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I honestly wouldn't wait a second. You were crying in misery, and he was just laughing at the tv??? 
Give him up as a bad job, find somewhere else to live and just leave. Apart from anything else, him denying the whole "checking you for semen leakage" thing is gaslighting and bodes ill. Yet another red flag in other words.
Don't wait, just go.
It is possible (although highly unlikely IMO) that he wants to wait so that you can save for a year's mat leave.
We have no way of knowing whether he is being honest about his intentions. Is he usually straight Bout things? With you or others? Or do you see him being manipulative rather in order to avoid confrontation?
Have you ever talked about marriage? Absolutely not necessary for a stable relationship of course, but i just wondered if you might have had similar conversations about that sort of commitment.
I'm very sorry if I am off the mark but from your posts I have the impression that there is a dynamic in your relationship whereby he is in charge and takes care of you. Which feels great when you are his young darling and he makes decisions that take you into account, but not when he and you have different objectives. Your tears are not moving him.
Tbh, even if, in 12 months, he agreed ttc would that be good for you?
Having a baby/ child is demanding in ways that it's not possible to imagine and seriously tests the most supportive relationships with the most enlightened of men. This is assuming you can conceive without intervention. How well would he cope with supporting you through fertility treatment?
I would want some headspace tbh. I think you need to be able to work out for yourself what the impact of having a child would be on your finances so that when you speak to him about it you are able to contribute to the conversation in a constructive way rather than becoming tearful and hoping that his love for you will make him wipe away your tears and give you what you want. I genuinely mean that in a much gentler way than it sounds. 
Ana, it would be U for you to trap him with a baby. It is also wrong for him to trap you into being childless. There is never enough money and never enough time for babies but you make it work. 
If you're having meals out and weekends away you are NOT skint! Add up a months worth of nights out and you'll see what he's 'working all hours' for.
As for the internal checks after sex WTF that is not ok, and I'm not sure what he expected to see tbh. You deserve someone who wants the same life as you and will love and support you. This guy does not seem like the one. Sorry .
Your DP is doing the right thing and being very responsible by ensuring you don't get pregnant by accident. That shows that he would take his responsibility as a parent seriously, and makes him a much better person than all these people that bring children into the world knowing they can't afford it and will have to struggle along on while claiming benefits.
at the posts criticising this man. He is doing the right thing!
Oh really, Woowoo? You think checking his partner's vagina after sex is the right thing, do you? and then denying he did that? That's ok with you, is it?
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To answer your OP, yes I think it shocking to trap a man into pregnancy when he doesn't want one.
From reading the rest of the thread 
, he really doesn't want children with you I'm afraid. You said yourself you don't have enough money to save up, so when the end of the year is up, he will then say you haven't saved enough so it will be another delay.
Checking you to see if any spunk had spilt? Lovely! Not.
His attitude to sex is terrible because it shows how much he is terrified of you getting pregnant. This is NOT the actions of a man who wants children.
Very few people are in a position to just afford a baby. People manage and make do, babies don't actually need that much and none of mine have cost anywhere near the amount you read about in the papers, when it says things like a baby costs ££££ in the first year or whatever, plus there are many quality second hand things around.
He is delaying and will continue to delay until he thinks you will give up.
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