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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want revenge?

15 replies

ScarletLady02 · 08/11/2013 22:16

Someone who I trusted very deeply betrayed me in about the worst way possible...showed themselves to be a compulsive liar who totally used me to their own ends...nearly ruined my marriage....

I really wish I could do something totally childish and stupid to get my revenge but I'm going to have to be all dignified about it aren't I?

OP posts:
RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets · 08/11/2013 22:17

Be dignified and do nothing but feel free to talk about what you could do here Grin

Sorry to hear about it

Rowlers · 08/11/2013 22:18

YANBU to want revenge.
But yes, you are going to have to be dignified.
Don't lower yourself and all that.
I feel for you.

BillyBanter · 08/11/2013 22:19

Yes, you should be dignified and be quietly glad you are not them.

But wank over revenge fantasies for the next week before moving on.

timidviper · 08/11/2013 22:28

Yes be dignified and grown up, don't lower yourself but never forget!

If you do something childish it could rebound on you. Life has a way of giving people like that their come-uppance and you can enjoy it in safety Grin Believe me your time will come!

Someone was awful to me some years back, I was so upset but held myself back, she eventually overstepped the mark and other people saw her for what she is. It was great

Mylovelyboy · 08/11/2013 22:29

YANBU but as most have said. To be dignified is the best way. These type of people always get their come-up-ance. Hope you ok OP

MissMarplesBloomers · 08/11/2013 22:30

YANBU to wnat revenge at all.......come plot with us & be as nasty as you like then in RL you can maintain that face.

Grin
Mylovelyboy · 08/11/2013 22:30

timidviper - you are right - 'your time will come'

BobaFetaCheese · 08/11/2013 22:31

Be dignified.

However, secretly hope they spontanously combust infront of you and you call waltz off refusing to urinate on them.

ScarletLady02 · 08/11/2013 22:34

My apparent best "friend" basically set out to steal my husband...she manipulated us both, played on our weaknesses, played us off against each other and we separated after a string of rows that we have since discovered were mostly caused by her telling us different things.

When we were separated her and my DH slept together....I am feeling very betrayed by him as well obviously, but we are working through it...we were in a bad place, it was a one off when we were separated and he has done nothing but try and make it up to me.

Since then she has shown herself to be rather unstable...admitted to people her agenda was to steal my DH from me, pretended she was pregnant etc etc, lied about abortions/stillbirth among a million other things.

People can call me silly but I know my DH (I'm prepared for a flaming, I posted quite openly in Relationships). It was so out of character for him and I feel we have something worth saving....but she was my best friend...when we first split she looked me in my eye and told me she'd help me through all of this...

I know someone will come along and say they are equally responsible....for the act of them sleeping together...yes they are....I believe from my husband's part it was a one off mistake and if I get even a tiny little whiff of anything else ever he is out on his ear and he knows that...but HER...all she has done since is try and wind me up....using my and her children's friendship to guilt trip me....harassed my DH...she just LIES constantly...I have more than enough proof of this....

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR rant over...I know people will think my DH is getting off light, but he's not. I don't know if we will ever fully regain that trust, but I feel it's worth a try as only I fully know the situation...

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 08/11/2013 22:42

Of course you will be dignified OP.

But why not get all that vitriol out. Surpressing it is not good for you. Write your revenge fantasy. I have cleared a lot of headspace by writing things down. Or just stomping up and down and muttering just how to make my Ex people suffer.Blush

It's not good to act it out, but it is good to get it out.Grin

BillyBanter · 08/11/2013 22:44

That is awful. Just keep her as far away from you as possible.

I don't judge you for wanting to try again. The thing with manipulative people like that is they are actually pretty good at finding weak spots and abusing them.

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/11/2013 22:47

I don't think your DH got off lightly OP. And your anger towards your friend is completely understandable. It sounds as though you and your DH are still struggling and in pain and she's got off almost scott free.

ScarletLady02 · 08/11/2013 22:49

She TOTALLY played us both....doesn't diminish his responsibility and he's never once tried to claim that....but she is seriously fucking disturbed...

She only lives 5 minutes round the corner and I keep having really bad anxiety attacks when I leave the house...

I personally feel the best revenge is for her to see me and DH blissfully happy. We are already communicating better than we have in years.

I trusted her with my fucking CHILD though...she had her overnight more than once.

OP posts:
ScarletLady02 · 08/11/2013 22:51

According to her brother this isn't the first time she's done this...

Take this as a warning people...I met her on Nethuns "meet-a-mum" board Grin

OP posts:
timidviper · 09/11/2013 11:33

Well, that's what you get for going on Nethuns!! Grin

...But, seriously, the best revenge is living well. You have both made mistakes but are trying to sort things out and move on. She, on the other hand, is likely to continue with a life of drama, unhappiness and instability if this is her normal pattern of behaviour.

I hope you make it and come out of this stronger and happier than before OP.

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