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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is she BU or am I!? (Christmas related..)

49 replies

CocacolaMum · 08/11/2013 10:45

We do not live in a big house. Its fine and I love it, but big it ain't! As such we do not have space for a gazillion toys. My dc are 12 (ds) and 7 (dd).

For dd we are planning on buying her this as her main present. We got the blue one for ds last year and it was MUCH better than we expected. She loves to watch music videos so I thought uploading them to this along with a film and a bit of tv would be a good way of supervising what she watches without physically hovering over her.. www.toysrus.co.uk/Toys-R-Us/Technology-and-Gadgets/MP3-and-Audio/MP3-and-Media-Players/8GB-43-Touch-Media-Player-Pink(0095603)?searchPosition=6

This morning I was out with SIL and we happened to visit a charity shop. I picked up a top for dd, a hardback complete works of Brother Grimm book and 7 hard back Enid Blyton story compendiums for the grand sum of £2.70!
We went for a coffee afterwards and were chatting about what we were planning to give our kids for Christmas. I said that as it was only just over 6 weeks away and dd LOVES books I think I will wrap up what I bought today to put towards DD's presents - I thought SIL was going to choke on her Latte. She said that secondhand books was a bit of a shit present (!)

Its not a money issue, OH has already said I can pick what I think to be suitable presents for the kids and we are fortunate enough that budget doesn't really have to play a major part of that decision (to a point) but I still don't see why I shouldn't give dd something that cost 10p (each of the enid blyton books were 10p) if I KNOW she will like it? Are secondhand books a shit present?? They aren't scribbled in and not ripped or falling apart but are probably about 20 years old so not brand new looking either. I am not asking for permission here, but SIL reaction has got me doubting my own judgment.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 08/11/2013 10:50

No nothing wrong with a find in a charity shop as a gift.

I don't like this thing where everything should be bought brand new and at silly prices.

Goldmandra · 08/11/2013 10:54

One of my DD2's favourite presents was a very old copy of A Child's Garden of Verses. We had my childhood copy already in the house and DD1 had already laid claim to it. DD2 loves having her own copy and has no problem with it being very clearly second hand

jeee · 08/11/2013 10:54

I use charity shops heavily for stocking fillers. I used to tell the DC that the elves gave their books to the children when they'd finished with them to explain away the names in the inside of the books.

kali110 · 08/11/2013 10:55

Nothing wrong at all!she will love them

AbiRoad · 08/11/2013 10:56

I think in principle it is fine. The only question i would have is whether she still beleives in father christmas and whether the books would be from you or FC. If from FC, then I guess I might think about whether second books might be inconsistent with anything you have said about him (eg if you have talked about him making things etc). In other words, i think it is completely fine unless it might somehow give away the whole FC game. My own DC have never really been told or asked where FC gets the presents and get clothes with GAP labels etc without really questioning why FC was hopping in GAP, so I dont think they would query books that look second-hand either, but I guess others might depending on what they have been told.

learnasyougo · 08/11/2013 10:57

I guess she'd never want a first edition, or any sort of antique as a gift. Christmas gifts don't need to be brand new.

CSIJanner · 08/11/2013 10:59

jeee - I love the idea of the elves and am pinching it!!

ladyrainy · 08/11/2013 11:00

If dd will like them that's all that matters.

mumofweeboys · 08/11/2013 11:02

If your daughter will love it then its not a crap present.

absentmindeddooooodles · 08/11/2013 11:02

I see no issie at all. Ive got ds a few second hand bits for christmas. As long as its in fairly good condition I dont see why you shouldnt!

LongTailedTit · 08/11/2013 11:09

IMO a crap present is a thoughtless one, regardless of cost.
You know your DD will like it, therefore it's a suitable present!
Your SIL is being a snob.

Tbh tho, lots of people wouldn't buy anything from a charity shop at all, even for themselves. Likewise, some think that handmade presents aren't 'real' presents as you didn't buy them. People are weird.

Floggingmolly · 08/11/2013 11:15

I see no problem at all there. I hate the conspicuous consumption at Christmas; the mad frenzy to get yet more glittery shiny things that nobody actually wants or needs, just because it's the done thing.
I've cut down massively since it dawned on me how ridiculous the annual cull of the kids stuff actually was; sending perfectly good stuff to the charity shop for no other reason than to make room for yet more stuff in their full to bursting rooms.
They're getting goats this year

DameDeepRedBetty · 08/11/2013 11:19

I'm not going to be able to find a pair of Tablets in a charity shop, so will have to bite the bullet on that one. Everything else though, will try secondhand first and only buy new if I have to!

WaitingForMe · 08/11/2013 11:25

My inlaws are snobs and it infuriates me. The boys have an older cousin and family refuse to give his cast offs as Birthday or Christmas presents.

The daft thing is they all complain about a lack of money and make pointed comments about aspects of our lifestyle (which is funded by shopping for bargains).

MezleyM · 08/11/2013 11:39

Charity shops tick every box as far as I'm concerned...cheap, for charity and good for the environment. I am thrilled when I find something good in a charity shop...and have bought my dcs loads of books from them. Love the idea of the elves!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/11/2013 11:43

I see nothing whatsoever wrong with giving your dd the books as part of her present. In my experience, children value the gift for what it is and don't judge (or even notice) if it is brand new or not.

When my dses were (briefly) into Yu-Gi-Oh cards, I found piles of them on ebay second hand, with second hand tins too, and was able to put together a decent collection in a tin for each of them, to go in their stockings, and they were really pleased with them, and didn't even notice they weren't shrinkwrapped and new.

Birdsgottafly · 08/11/2013 11:51

I would only buy second hand for my children, if I couldn't afford new, or the item was no longer available, for a present for a special occasion, tbh.

I don't shop in charity shops because I think that there are people who have to and they should get first "dibs" on the decent stuff that becomes available.

As there isn't a money issue, I would agree with your SIL, tbh, unless you buy the adults in the family their presents from the Charity Shops.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/11/2013 11:52

In fact, I have just remembered that ds1's main present one year was second hand - it was a bike frame that was perfect for the sort of riding he wanted to do, and dh was going to help him transfer over the other parts from his existing bike onto this frame. The frame would have been far too expensive new, so we got one on ebay - and ds1 was over the moon when he unwrapped it - in fact, he spent most of the day sitting next to it, giving it the occasional, gentle stroke - it was funny and cute.

TheFabulousIdiot · 08/11/2013 11:54

Nooo - not shit at all. DS is getting a second hand playmobil plane and rescue helicopter and will probably wee his pants with excitement. also purchased for DH DS is a shitload of new Lego railway stuff and no doubt he will be showered with stuff from everyone else.

LongTailedTit · 08/11/2013 11:58

Birds by that reasoning, would you not shop in Primark/Pound Shops or buy Sale items because some people have to?

Charity shops exist as a business to sell items to raise money for their charity, they're not philanthropic organisations aimed at providing cheap items for those who are hard up.
If someone who is hard up shops in them than that's a double whammy of goodness, but the fact that they're a charity shop shouldn't preclude the more well off from shopping there.

toffeesponge · 08/11/2013 12:00

YANBU.

I used to be precious and not buy second hand books but tbh after producing a child who can read 8 books a weekend it got very expensive with another child who loves to read lots as well and another who likes the odd new book. I took my children into a second hand book shop and explained the books weren't new but were cheaper and they love it. DD got 6 new to her books for the same as one brand new one from Smiths. If I was giving second handbooks at birthdays or Christmas I would also put new in too but there is no reason why I should as the kids wouldn't care.

You are fine, your SIL is daft.

jeanmiguelfangio · 08/11/2013 12:07

I get really excited when I find a childhood book in a charity shop to pass on to my daughter. She has lots of second hand toys from boot fairs too- why not- yes I could afford to buy new ones but that seems a waste to me, she might only play with it for ages but it doesn't matter.
My brother always gets second hand music for Xmas and bdays- it's much cheaper and he loves the annotation that others have done too
I always get my mum second hand books too for her advent parcels, I can get 6 or 7 for the same price(sometimes more) and she likes them. I did ask her first

MTBMummy · 08/11/2013 12:28

Second hand books are a lovely gift, and I'm extremely jealous at your find

I also have a habit of "adopting" a charity shop teddy every Christmas for DD's stocking - and she loves them.

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 08/11/2013 12:42

Ssecond hand is a treaure trove! I love how much more one can buy! My children usually get a combination of new and second-hand.

To be fair, though, DD7, for her last Birthday, wanted Sylvanian stuff. We had a chat to discuss the fact she would get more if I bought stuff on Ebay or similar. She had a think and decided she wanted new things, which was fine, as she understood there was no more money than before. Fortunately, I found a house which came with a car and furnitue as a special in Home Bargains.

SarahAndFuck · 08/11/2013 12:47

Your SIL is being daft.

I wouldn't give a book in poor condition (written in etc) as a gift but I would give then as you have described them.

Why is it any different to finding a new one cheap at The Works or somewhere? Old books are lovely, some are hard to find or out of print or the new ones don't have as nice illustrations.

DS is very much into action figures at the moment, and trains as well. We get lots secondhand on ebay or market stalls, because they are the only places selling the ones he wants. He's had play sets for Christmas before that we've had to buy secondhand, and he couldn't care less as it was what he wanted and you can't buy it new.

I would give a secondhand present to an adult as well. Last year we gave SIL a vase that came from the school fair, because it was exactly the sort of vase she had been looking for but couldn't find in the shops. She loved it so I don't see that it being secondhand was a problem.

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