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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for not wanting pictures of my children on facebook

25 replies

SleepingWithABrokenHeart · 08/11/2013 10:14

I have asked everyone to not put pictures of my children (one being a newborn) on facebook, I have good reasons for this which everybody is aware of.

I shared a picture of my eldest in her school uniform and a family member posted it on fb. Her school logo was very clear and the person in question will have anybody as a friend on there, so the profile is practically public.

Anyway, things were said and it was taken down, I understood she probably didn't see it like I did.

Now, fast forward a couple of months, newborn baby arrives, hes having his first bath and pictures were taking and shared (with close family members only!)

Now this was posted on fb..
It has been hours since I'd given birth, I couldn't control my emotions and was in floods of tears over it. Oh had words with her and it didn't go down well. We've now only been sending pictures via whatsap or email and the person is question keeps asking me for photos. I haven't said no, nor have I said yes but I feel awful for keeping them from her. The thing is, I've already asked her to not put them on fb and she did it anyway so how am i to no it wont happen again, and again??

OP posts:

ArtexMonkey · 08/11/2013 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SleepingWithABrokenHeart · 08/11/2013 10:24

We don't live close by so its hard for her to see him, I suppose I could skype. It would be a shame for her to miss out.

No apology either, shes the kind that will forget it, move on and just hope you've done the same.

OP posts:

CrapBag · 08/11/2013 10:26

YANBU.

When I had DD, my sister was away so I texted her a picture of her new niece. First thing she did was post it on Facebook. My DH hadn't even left the hospital to let everyone else know yet. We were not happy. Luckily I messaged her and she had just been thoughtless but I hate this culture of everyone thinking they have the right to share all of your pictures with everyone on bloody facebook.

DH's cousin was into photography and her profile was wide open for the world to see, no privacy settings at all. She put a whole album of my DS on her page. I had to get DH to message her and tell her we didn't like it.

SIL used one of DS's photos as her profile picture. She had only even seen him a handful of times and wasn't remotely interested in him then so no idea why she did it. I wasn't happy about someone else having my child as their profile picture though. Only me or DH are allowed to do that with our children.

OP, don't send her anymore on FB and make it clear that you don't trust her not to share even when she knows she shouldn't. Who is doing it? Just being nosy as I assume its family seeing as you said you only share them with family on there.

Spaulding · 08/11/2013 10:26

YANBU.

I don't have any pictures of DS on Facebook. My view is that if he wants photos of himself plastered across the internet for the world to see, then that's a decision for him to make when he's old enough. On Facebook, nothing is private. All it takes is for a Facebook friend to "like" your photo and it will show on their friends' newsfeed for anyone to see or share.

We decided before we even had DS that we wouldn't put photos of him online and we told everyone this. DS was born prem, and we took a photo of him in his incubator, tubes everywhere and up his nose. Sent it to my parents, who knew our views. Hours later it was their profile pic, with people commenting on it. I text them and told them to remove it. A few weeks later my dad put another photo on Facebook and I then realised the other photo was still in his Profile Pictures album, and again, I text, making it much cleaer that photos are not for Facebook. They were immediately taken down and they have not put a photo up in almost 3 years. You just have to be firm. Next time she asks for a photo, say "Yeah, sure, but please don't put it on Facebook like you did last time. Photos are private"

DrankSangriaInThePark · 08/11/2013 10:27

Just do the custom settings and don't share anymore with her. She'll get the message, and if she gets humphy, say that you don't trust her not to do it for the third time.

mousmous · 08/11/2013 10:28

yanbu at all
you have your reasons, they ignored your reasonable request = no more photos.

MrsGarlic · 08/11/2013 10:30

YANBU. I don't have a problem with my own son being on Facebook (yes I may have an album or two of him...!) but your feelings about your children should be respected. IMO your relative was bang out of order to post photos of your children on FB after being asked not to. That's inexcusable, she's just being deliberately provocative surely?!

Joysmum · 08/11/2013 10:30

I don't mind there being pics of my daughter but then it's my choice (and DHs of course!) and I would fully support any parent in their choices.

Original poster

SleepingWithABrokenHeart · 08/11/2013 10:32

I hate it too.

I guess I'll have to just be honest with her about why I'm putting it off, because I'm running out of excuses! I was told she was upset about what happened and I was left feeling guilty for not allowing her any pictures.
I didn't even think of using Skype. Duh!

Its my sister btw.

OP posts:

CallMeNancy · 08/11/2013 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 08/11/2013 10:35

Yanbu.

Just do not provide her with any or let her take any. You can only act based on her behaviour she's the one who ignored your request so its her fault she can't have any.

Sirzy · 08/11/2013 10:36

YANBU. Even if someone has pictures of their children on facebook you should ask before you put some on, you certainly shouldn't share photos of someone when you know the parents have expressed a wish that they aren't shared.

It doesn't matter what your (as in the person sharing) views of photos are, it is the views of the parents which should be respected.

Original poster

SleepingWithABrokenHeart · 08/11/2013 10:38

Well I made it clear I didn't want any of dd on there, and when baby was born i guess everybody just wanting to show him off, which i didn't mind, but it was when she posted the one of him in the bath, everything exposed!

Since it happened all pictures have of him have been removed and we've (i think) made it clear we don't want anymore on. I'm not even on facebook, I can't and shouldn't keep checking up on her to make sure shes doing as I asked.

OP posts:

CrapBag · 08/11/2013 10:41

As your sister, I take it she is very aware of the reasons you have for this, which makes it worse. There is no thought or regard for you or your feelings.

SoonToBeSix · 08/11/2013 10:51

Unless your dc are not fully dressed or you need to keep them safe from an abuser so can't have their uniform recognised then I really don't see the problem. It is perfectly legal for anyone to take pictures of your dc walking down the street and post them online.

Pennyacrossthehall · 08/11/2013 10:56

If you have specifically asked people not to post your photos on FB, then they are very rude or very stupid or both to do so.

On a more general note, unless you're in witness protection or similar, why do you care if their photos are on the internet? Especially a newborn (they all basically look the same).

Original poster

SleepingWithABrokenHeart · 08/11/2013 10:58

My son had no clothes on and I don't allow my daughter on it for her protection, which the family are aware of.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2013 11:03

Your children, your rules.

Simples. No explanations necessary.

(Congratulations by the way!!)

jellyboatsandpirates · 08/11/2013 11:09

YADNBU. I'm a Facebook addict but I'd be well pissed off with what you have described.
No-one has a right to put pictures up of YOUR children on FB when you have expressly told them you didn't want to.
Some people are just idiots on Facebook and don't think.
I sometimes put pics up on mine, but that's because I know everybody on my friends list in RL.
I would NOT Be happy with anyone else doing it as I don't know everyone on theirs or indeed how strict or slack with their privacy settings or who they befriend - they could be one of those who befriend random anybody's to make themselves look popular.
ANYWAY! YANBU. Say she can see the photos at your hosue, but she's not having a copy.
If she gets huffy, just say you're sorry but you don't want to risk them on Facebook.

Sirzy · 08/11/2013 11:12

The problem soontobesix is that the OP (and I presume her partner?) have asked for people not to share photos of their children on social media and people have disrespected that. They shouldn't need to justify that, its hardly a big ask of anyone is it?

I have pictures of DS on my facebook, I have pictures of my nephews on facebook because my sister and BIL are happy with that. I wouldn't put pictures of anyone else, or their children, up without asking permission first. It isn't my place to make that decision about someone else.

FirstStopCafe · 08/11/2013 11:29

Yanbu. I put lots of pictures of my children on fb but I totally respect the decision of my friends who choose not to with theirs so would never put a picture of their children up.

dreamingbohemian · 08/11/2013 11:34

I think if you feel this strongly about it, to the point it's causing family ruptures, then you have to take control of it and just stop sending photos in a format that can be shared. Rightly or wrongly, you can't control other people 100%.

So why not do what people did in the old days and share actual printed photos. You can get a photo printer for not that much and mail your sister actual photos.

FeisMom · 08/11/2013 11:36

Apart from child protection cases where for example someone is escaping an abusive partner and identification of the locality etc of the child has to be kept secret, I don't understand why people are so concerned about pictures of fully clothed children on the internet. The same children can be seen walking down the street, playing in the park etc and anyone who wanted a picture of them could take them. In a decade they'll all be posting multiple duckfaces each day themselves.

Pennyacrossthehall · 08/11/2013 11:53

FeisMom I agree entirely. There's too much paranoia in circulation.

SoonToBeSix · 08/11/2013 11:55

Op I understand your perfectly valid reason and yanbu. However I think that in general people can be a bit over the top about having their dc photos shared on Facebook. Yes it is rude to share photos without permission but usually harmless.

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