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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU

9 replies

Jalexis · 08/11/2013 09:11

I think perhaps I should have posted this here to start, so apologies for the double thread (I put this in the 'childbirth' section already).

I'm expecting our first child in 10 days. DH and I are also undertaking a big house renovation at the moment, which he works on every spare minute of the day (he also has a stressful full time job). We are renting elsewhere, and have a team of builders working on the new house. Between them they are making good progress but we won't be moving in before the baby arrives as originally planned.

Anyway, I have been as supportive as I possibly can. I have spent my mat leave collecting and delivering materials to the new house, and cooking for DH every evening when he eventually returns home. We took on this challenge together and knew it would be tough. I haven't moaned or expressed my anxiety that we'll be moving house with a newborn, and probably need to move in with my dad as our tenancy here expires very soon... I've put the nesting instinct firmly on hold and spend my spare time packing up boxes in our current place (on my own!).

Anyway, rather than come home last night when he finished working in the house, DH went to the pub and got royally pissed. We've spoken about him laying off the booze this close to due date, but he seems incapable of ever just having a pint or two. He doesn't hold his drink well either.

Admittedly he doesn't do this often, and I know he needs to let if some steam, but AIBU to expect him to stay sober this close to due date? He'd have been useless if we had to get to hospital last night.

Sorry, that was longer than I expected!

OP posts:
killpeppa · 08/11/2013 09:13

never mind the house, you could pop at any moment!!

HIBVU!

Joysmum · 08/11/2013 09:19

I'm wondering why you needed to put the bit in about the renovation? Your question was whether to expect him to be able to drive just in case you need to go into hospital. To that I say YANBU.

So why was the rest of the post there? I really sympathise, 2 weeks before my DD was due my hubby suddenly decided to knock 2 rooms together and told me when I was finding it hard to be on hands and knees painting skirting board that he couldn't understand as he was fat and coped fine. Makes him sound horrible but I promise I've got him better trained and educated now! I hated the last few weeks of my pregnancy because I was stressed from the lack of nesting but in hindsight he was right and I'm glad he pushed ahead with it.

Jalexis · 08/11/2013 09:23

I added that to give it some context I suppose... I'm not justifying his getting drunk, but wondered if I should be cutting him some slack... I have a tendency to overreact sometimes.

OP posts:
notanyanymore · 08/11/2013 09:25

I think the bit about renovating is relevant because it shows the background.
From that I can totally understand why your DH needed to let of steam and why you are feeling stressed. However, the stress of the situation is not making you have unreasonable expectations in not wanting him to get drunk this close to your due date. And whilst I sympathise with him, he is still being unreasonable as the fact your baby may arrive at any time has to take precedence.
SO, even despite all the background, HIstillBVU!

Jalexis · 08/11/2013 09:26

Joysmum, I too am glad we are persevering, it will be worth it in the end. I just feel a bit deprived of his time and care at the moment tbh. These last few weeks of pregnancy are hard, and I feel the least he could do is stay sober as we discussed, even if he can't be here!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 08/11/2013 09:27

I don't care how stressed he is, you're the one who's pregnant. He needs to stop the drinking if he can't just have one or two pints.

Jalexis · 08/11/2013 11:36

Thanks everyone, and I agree... Think we'll be having a chat about this later...!

OP posts:
MickeyTheShortOne · 08/11/2013 11:45

my boyfriend was an alcoholic. he stopped drinking three weeks before my due date, knowing it could happen, any minute any time. Your hubby is BVU.

if he cant ever have "a pint or two" (and i know what that is like, boyfriend was exactly the same) its probably time for a chat. appreciate that you havent stated if he drinks like this all the time or if it is a one-off, but still. Definately shouldnt be drinking like this so near to d day. good luck OP! hope you have newborn cuddles very soon xxx

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 08/11/2013 11:53

When you go into labour you won't just need your DH to drive you to the hospital. You'll need him to be there for you, to provide support, to be your voice if you need him to. A drunk man, or one who is hungover, cannot provide that support.

YANBU

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