to feel a wee bit smug

[BunnyLebowski]

but moreso validated and relieved by this?

After years of toxic treatment (understatement of the century) from thoroughly hideous FIL, DP has recently started therapy. (He was brought up by FIL - just the two of them so his judgement has always been clouded).

At tonight's session he mentioned to his counsellor that I have said for years that FIL has NPD. Counsellor said that from the information DP has given her, she would completely agree.

I think hearing it from someone else has made DP finally realise that his father is not and never will be a sane or nice person. He's ordered the Toxic Parents book on Amazon.

I feel hugely sad for DP but also glad that he can now see what I've been seeing for years. And hopeful that DP might now stop contact and we might possibly never have to deal with the hateful c*nt ever again.

Eurgh this is more of a rant than a AIBU isn't it? Thanks for reading.

And so you should. Feel smug, that is.

It must be a huge weight off, seeing positive changes and your dp getting the help he needs.

Long may it continue. I want to say 'good for you' but it sounds patronising! You know what i mean. Im sure you dp will have some better and some not so great sessions of therapy, it sounds like hes been through years of shit but you sound lovely so stay supportive and upbeat and he will be so much happier in himself.

No, YANBU. I don't think you're being smug, either. You're minimising (can't think of right word, am tired) your utter, utter relief that your DP is going to be able to move on from what sounds like a horribly toxic life. You're a great partner and am so glad for your DP - and you, of course - that he;s now able to address this.

Oh man, am also feeling like I sound patronising. I hope you know what I mean too. Going through counselling is fucking hard and fucking brave.

Thank you both

The counselling has been a long time coming (we've been together 12 years - FIL an asshat from day one).

I hate seeing DP so regularly hurt, confused and angry at his father's behaviour. And I will not let DD be influenced in any way by his fuckery.

He is a truly horrible person. I regularly imagine how much easier DP's life would be if FIL died suddenly. A terrible thought I know but he has been a constant source of misery, hate, misogyny and bitterness for too long now.

Good for you. The road is still in front of me. Telling his DGS that he is a failure (at 10 yo) may have gone some way to convincing DH that FIL is a narc. Who knows.

Not at all. I'm so glad he's got you for support. My FIL was an absolute horror to me when I married his son 21 years ago. I already had a five year old from a previous relationship, and he would make comments about me having been "round the block" and then do this fake laugh. He would only do it when dh wasn't around, so I started playing him at his own game, making jokey nasty comments. Anyway, turns out five years ago he got put on anti depressants, citalopram. He's COMPLETELY changed, for the first three years I didn't believe a word of it but he's apologised, said he was a sad jealous bitter person, and we really like him now. He even gave my daughter his car rather than sell it as he was losing sight ( we did give the money to his charity of choice, sight savers).

I hope you have a similar happy ending x

That's a great turnaround shona.

Unfortunately there is no chance of a similar transformation for FIL. He would never accept that there is something wrong with him and would never seek medical help
for what he considers is being right and justified all the time

And to be frank, he's done too many nasty and horrible things for me
to ever consider letting him be part of mine and DD's lives.

I just want him to go away and stop messing with DP's head

How are things at the moment, Bunny? Been thinking about you and your DP. x